


Can You Ever Go Home Again?

by Darlingheart



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/F, F/M, Like properly angsty, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-01-21 11:04:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 59,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12456316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darlingheart/pseuds/Darlingheart
Summary: “Sorry, sorry, sorry. I am so sorry. Like really sorry -”“Your being sorry doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that my ex-boyfriend who I haven’t spoken to in five years is here, at the airport. Does it?”Or Modern AU where Clarke and Bellamy dated in high school but had a really bad break-up and haven't spoken in five years.





	1. MONDAY

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea in my head literally for years but it was as an original screenplay, then I thought about it within the The 100 universe, specifically Bellamy/Clarke it just kind of made sense and wouldn't go away. 
> 
> The first seven chapters take place over seven days. The final chapter is an epilogue over six months.

The heat hits her as soon as she gets off the plane, the tarmac shimmering. She’d forgotten how hot it gets down here. D.C. gets hot, but not Texas hot.

She takes off her leather jacket, looping it loosely over her bag and pulls out her phone. She fumbles in her bag for her shades, putting them on top of her head as she walks through security, glancing at her phone.

 **Raven:**   _15 missed calls_  
 **Monty:**   _2 text messages_  
 **Jasper:**   _1 voicemail_

Ugh, that can’t be good. Clarke thinks as she walks towards the arrivals gate.

She’s just about to call Raven back when her phone starts ringing.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry. I am so sorry. Like really sorry -”

“Why are…” Clarke starts to ask as she walks through the arrivals gate. “Shit.”

Clarke ducks behind a group of tourists and shuffles slowly.

“Your being sorry doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that my ex-boyfriend who I haven’t spoken to in five years is here, at the airport. Does it?”

“I know, my car broke down, Monty’s in work and Jasper’s Jasper… and I’m sorry ok.”

Clarke hangs up as the tourists come almost level with Bellamy.

“Hey.” She says glancing at him.

“Hey.” He’s doing that awkward neck rubbing thing that Clarke had forgotten about and it makes her want to cry. But she can’t. She knew there was a chance she’d bump into him, Arkadia is not a big town, but she hoped she’d have more warning and wouldn’t have just come in on the first flight of the day.

“I’m guessing that was Raven you were talking to on the phone.” He says turning towards the door.

He noticed me on the phone. Is her first thought. Quickly replaced by, of course he noticed me he was expecting me _._

“Uh yeah, something about a broken down car. Although if she’s still driving that tinpot thing, car is being generous.” Clarke replies.

It raises a half smile from him but he quickly hides it down.

“I’m this way.” Is all he says.

She walks behind him to the car. He looks the same and completely different all at once. She’s seen him of course over the last five years, but only once or twice, when there was no way she could get away without coming back to Arkadia. But he’s still slightly taller than her with dark curly hair that’s always days away from needing a cut. He’s tanned but as it’s summer that’s to be expected.

The truck he stops at is a newer model of the one he had in high school, but that makes sense. His car was a write off after the accident.

He doesn’t mention the truck but she knows he knows that she’s thinking about it. How could she not be.

But all he says is, “you can put your bag in the back,” and gestures towards the bed of the truck.

“It’s ok, I’ll keep it by my feet. It’s only small,” she says looking down at it. “Dammit. My jacket.”

She sees that her jacket, which had been hanging over her bag, is gone.

“I’m just gonna go and check for it quickly,” Clarke tells Bellamy dumping her bag on the ground. She waves off his attempts to come with her and stalks back the way they came.

She finds it just outside the airport doors and is thankful it’s still there. Thankful too for the reprieve it brings from Bellamy. How is she meant to get through a two-hour car ride with him, when these sentences are the most they’ve exchanged in years.

When she gets back to the truck she sees him, sunglasses on, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel in time with some country song on the radio.

I can do this. Clarke thinks. I’ll make a joke about the country song being a cliché and we’ll be fine.

But as she pulls herself into the truck, noting that he already put her bag in the cab, and goes to speak, he leans over and flips the radio dial to some generic sports radio and the words die in her throat.

“Uhh, you all good?” Bellamy asks looking over at her as she buckles her belt.

Clarke nods, not trusting her voice right now. The familiarity of the simple gesture – a long forgotten one – threatens to overwhelm her.

“Cool.” He replies putting the car into first and heading out of the airport parking lot.

She pulls her shades down from the top of her head covering her eyes and tries not to notice the way his muscles move when he changes gear.

Two hours. It’s only two hours, she thinks. Then I can ignore him for the rest of the week.

They’ve been driving for about twenty minutes when he speaks.

“Are you cool enough?” he motions to the ac.

It’s a quiet question and makes Clarke think of an uber driver rather than someone she has all this history with.

“Yeah, fine.” Is all she says.

Then realising it’s not going to get any less awkward if she doesn’t speak, she adds, “I’ve always got my jacket if I get cold.”

“Who brings a leather jacket to Texas in August.” He says with a smirk.

“Someone who slept through her alarm and grabbed the closest jacket to the door.” She snaps back.

“Alright.” He says sounding almost hurt.

She knows he was trying to be normal, but nothing about this is normal and she’s too tense to be normal. After a pause, she tries again, “thank god I’d already had my bag packed, I think my mum would kill me if I turned up with only the clothes I’m wearing and a leather jacket.”

Bellamy is a better person than her, as always, because he takes it for the olive branch it is and replies, “Yeah, she’s on pretty high alert over this party.”

“Ha, that’s an understatement. I think I’ve had more calls from her about my dad’s retirement party than I’ve had at any other time in my life put together.” She smiles.

There is more silence before Bellamy quietly says, “I wasn’t sure you’d be back.”

It hangs in the air. She knows what he means and it’s not untrue but it still hurts. Does he really think so little of her that she’d miss this? That she wouldn’t be there for her dad.

She doesn’t show her hurt though instead she goes for the easy joke. “She’d have involved the National Guard to get me back if I’d said I couldn’t come. Plus it’s only for a week.”

“You’re going straight back after the party?”

“Close enough. My flight back is Monday. Figured I’d give myself a day to recover – although I doubt my mum will let Monty anywhere near the bar, so I’m probably safe.”

“Knowing your mum the whole thing will be catered even though the invitation says backyard barbeque.”

“You got an invite?”

It comes out harsher than intended, and Bellamy’s eyebrow rises to the sky, and Clarke feels suddenly tired.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean…”

“Ugh!” she groans suddenly, causing Bellamy to look at her. “I am going to kill Raven.”

He laughs at that. An honest laugh that does funny things to her chest.

“I’ll help. Reyes is wily, you’d need back up.”

She laughs too and turns to smile at him. A soft tentative smile.

She pauses, “this is odd right. It’s not just me.”

“Clarke, it’s not just you. It’s fucking awkward and if Reyes hadn’t cornered me in a weak moment you’d be waiting for cab.” He replies.

She’s knows it’s only a half-truth though there’s no way Bellamy would’ve left her stranded at the airport. Even if he’s changed, no one changes that much.

“We were friends once right, before…” she tails off because how do you put all of that into a sentence.

“Yeah.”

“So we should be able to do this.” She waves between them with her hands, “just talk. We’ve got an hour left and I don’t really want to sit in awkward silence listening to slammin’ Sammy.”

“Hey, do not insult slammin’ Sammy, the man is a biased genius.”

Clarke laughs, it’s an old argument. Slammin’ Sammy has been around forever and in a football town like theirs you can’t ignore him but you don’t have to like him – or football.

She holds her hands up in mock surrender.

“Ok, easy stuff. How are you?”

“Good.” He replies.

“You? How’s DC?”

“Good. I’m used to it now you know. I work at the hospital, do art part time. It’s a life.”

“I’m glad.”

And he sounds sincere, she thinks he might be actually be good. Or he’s just a better actor than she remembers.

“So what’s new? How’s Octavia?”

“She’s O. She’s got a new boyfriend, it’s pretty serious, he’s, uhh, he’s actually living on the farm with us.”

“Wow. How’d she manage that?” Clarke says teasingly.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m very relaxed when it comes to my sister.” Bellamy huffs.

And she can’t help it the laughter bubbles up from the middle of her and takes over. It’s not even that funny, but the tension of the day has her in tears and without realising it Bellamy is laughing along with her.

They relax after that, discussing the light stuff, work – she finds out Bellamy is basically splitting his time between the farm and assistant coaching the high school football team – their friends, the town. There are a few awkward moments, but it’s mostly ok.

They are just on the outskirts of town when Clarke realises where they are and winds her window down, leaning her head on the side. There is no marker and the tree looks no different to any of the others but she knows.

“Hi H. Love you.” She whispers.

She has tears in her eyes and can feel Bellamy’s eyes on her.

“You know that’s not where she’s buried right.”

She tenses, “of course.”

“I didn’t know if you’d remember it was there -”

“Jesus Bellamy, how much of a heartless bitch do you think I am?” She spits at him, tears on her cheeks now.

She’s saved from his response by the ringing of her phone, but from the clench of his jaw she can tell it wouldn’t be anything nice.

“Saved by the bell,” she mutters as she answers.

“Hey Raven.”

“- uhh yeah we’re about ten minutes from town… hold on I’ll ask him.”

“Raven said do you mind dropping me at the diner. Says she’ll shout you lunch as a thank you.” Clarke says to Bellamy without looking at him.

“Yeah, I can drop you.”

“Did you hear? Ok. We’ll be about ten minutes… bye.”

“I…” he starts.

“Just don’t ok. I think we’ve exhausted the polite small talk and I’m too tired to argue with you. Lets just listen to the radio or something.” Clarke says wearily.

The town looks the same as when she was last here about 18 months ago. Still one long main street mostly restaurants and a couple of shops but any serious shopping still needs to be done in Polis, two towns over. If it wasn’t for all the flatbed trucks Clarke would believe the town was deserted, she’d forgotten what it was like in the middle of summer when the only time people go outside is to go between their air-conditioned buildings via air-conditioned cars.

Bellamy finds a space outside the diner, Dropship, and they see Raven waiting for them looking as cool as ever sitting on a bench in the shade.

Clarke takes a deep breath and grabs her bag, turning briefly to Bellamy to say, “thanks for the ride.”

Raven comes towards the truck and waves at Bellamy.

“Sure.” Is all Bellamy says before poking his head out of the window and talking to Raven.

“You owe me Reyes.” He smirks

“Yeah, yeah. That’s why I was offering lunch.” She smiles.

“I can’t. I’ve actually got a life remember.”

“Whatever you tell yourself.” Raven rolls her eyes before turning to Clarke who is now at her side.

“Hey stranger.” She says grabbing Clarke into a big hug. “I know you hate me. You can yell at me over lunch.”

Clarke refuses to turn back to Bellamy, even though she can feel his eyes on them and knows he hasn’t left yet.

“See ya Blake.” Raven yells, waving in the air without turning around.

 

 

Clarke lets out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding when they slide into a booth.

They’re looking at their menus when Raven reaches over and puts her hand on Clarke’s, pushing the menu down.

“Go on. Yell. I know I deserve it.”

Clarke says nothing. Just looks at Raven.

“Come on Griffin. I didn’t know what else to do. And it wasn’t like I intentionally asked Bellamy, he was there at breakfast with… everyone, and he had his truck.”

Clarke notices the pause but says nothing Bellamy’s life is not her business anymore.

“I’m not gonna yell, Raven.” Clarke says.

At Raven’s unconvinced face, she adds “I’m not.”

The waitress stops Clarke from elaborating further, when she comes over to take their order. They order the space burgers because that is basically the only thing anyone orders at the Dropship.

“Look, it was fucking awkward and next time don’t let Bellamy be a hero I’ll just pay for an over-priced cab. But I get that you felt like you didn’t have a choice. It just sucked ok.” Clarke spits but there’s no real malice behind the words.

“Was it that bad?” Raven asks softly and that nearly finishes Clarke because soft Raven is the rarest of all the Raven’s and means she feels truly bad.

“Yes, no. I don’t know.” Clarke fiddles with the napkin dispenser as she talks so she doesn’t have to look at her friend. “It was awkward but mostly fine until we got to town and went past… Fuck, Raven, he said he didn’t think I’d remember.” Clarke slams her hand on the dispenser making the other patrons jump and glare at them until they see it’s the Griffin girl and the Reyes girl, just being their usual selves.

“I know I wasn’t in the fucking car, but does he really hate me so much he thinks I’d forget where my friend died, where he nearly died.” Clarke is crying again.

This is why she hates Arkadia, she thinks, she’s cried more in six hours than she has in the last month.

Raven comes around and sits next to Clarke. She’s quiet for a moment before she nudges her and puts her arm around Clarke’s shoulders.

“He doesn’t hate you. I don’t think. I guess he just thought… look I don’t know what he thought. It’s Blake, I’ve never understood him. But I can tell you this, he wouldn’t have wanted to hurt you. He can be a dick, but not like that.”

Clarke knows it’s true but it doesn’t make it hurt less.

“Now, I know you don’t live here anymore but I would like to be able to come into the Dropship again without embarrassment so dry the tears and pull your shit together.” Raven says. The words are harsh but the tone isn’t, so Clarke does as she’s told as Raven goes around to the other side of the table again.

The food arrives and they trade gossip as they eat.

“How long have we got you for?”

“A week.”

“A week! And how much of that is Griffin family time?” Raven asks.

“Uhh not sure. I assume family dinner tonight. Then there’s the party on Saturday and probably lunch on Sunday. Why?”

“Because we’re you’re friends and we want to see you. Preferably somewhere that serves alcohol.” Raven replies stealing a curly fry from Clarke’s plate.

“Oi. You have your own.”

“But not curly.”

Clarke laughs. It’s sometimes not too bad to be home.

 

Raven obviously doesn’t have her car, so they decide to walk over and surprise Clarke’s dad – and drop Raven off at the garage on the way.

It’s easy being together, arms linked as they walk down the street. Clarke teasing Raven that the only reason she doesn’t have a better car is because she likes taking it to the mechanic. And she briefly forgets why she left until she feels someone staring at her from the other side of the street and sees Octavia Blake with a pretty brunette Clarke has never seen before. Raven looks over to see why Clarke has stopped talking and shouts “what-up bitches,” which raises a smile and wave from Octavia. They don’t stop though as if by some unspoken agreement, Raven and Clarke carry on as Octavia and the brunette head into the general store.

“Breathe.” Raven whispers, “You know Octavia’s bark is worse than her bite.”

“Ha, easy for you to say.” Clarke replies but she does breathe. She’s about to ask who the other girl was when a blonde man steps in front of them.

“Reyes, if you are here to ask me why your car, which you left with me three hours ago by the way, is not ready. We’re going to fall out.” He says.

“Good job I already don’t like you then.” Raven replies. “Clarke, Wick, Wick, Clarke.”

“Oh you’re the mechanic.” Clarke laughs.

“I see my reputation proceeds me.” Wick smiles.

“Get over yourself. I just told her what a crappy mechanic you are and how much quicker I could fix my car if you’d just let me use the garage.”

“As soon as you get your work safety licence…”

Clarke can tell this is a well-worn argument, so decides to leave them to it. She hugs Raven with one arm and leaves with a promise to call so they can make alcohol filled plans. She nods bye at Wick and walks down the block to the police station.

Miller’s on the front desk, which makes sense Clarke thinks, this day already sucks, might as well truly commit.

“Officer Miller.”

If he’s surprised to see her he doesn’t show it, and not for the first time Clarke admires the hidden depths of Miller.

“Clarke.” He says politely, if a little cold.

“Is my dad here?”

“Sure. I’ll grab him for you.”

She leans on the front desk as she waits, the police station as familiar to her as her own house the amount of time she spent here growing up.

“I know this can’t be my daughter because she would have told me she was coming.” Jake Griffin says coming out of the back in his Sheriff’s uniform.

“Unless of course it was a surprise that got derailed by Raven’s crappy car, which means I need a ride to the house.” Clarke says hugging her dad.

“Every week I tell that girl she needs a new car. I almost just bought her one,” her dad says, “before realising that she’d just get offended and give it back.”

“She would too.” Clarke says untangling herself from the hug and looking at her dad. He might be about to retire but he looks as solid as ever to her.

“Have you got time to run me home or do I need to occupy myself for a bit?” Clarke asks.

“I can take you now darling, just let me get the keys.” Jake says as he walks to the back office. “So if Raven didn’t get you from the airport, who did?” He asks as his walks back into the room.

“Uhhh… Bellamy.” Clarke says quietly.

Her dad barely pauses, but Miller’s façade slips briefly and she realises he had no idea.

“That’s good of him. Right, lets get you home. Your mother will be thrilled.”

Clarke can’t help but look at Miller as she leaves, hoping he understands. He gives her the barest hint of a nod, which she takes to mean he’s got Bellamy. She doesn’t know why she doubts it. For all the things in this town that change, most things actually stay the same.

\---

 

He knows it’s not Raven’s fault. He offered. But it still doesn’t put him in a better mood. In fact his mood could only be described as vile. He’s checking on the horses when he gets a text from Miller.

**Miller:** _Beers later?_

Succinct as ever. However Bellamy knows this town and he knows Miller. So either he’s seen Clarke or the grapevine has done its work in record time.

**Bellamy:** _Sure. Usual?_

What’s the point of pretending, he wants a beer now and it’s only midday. By the time he meets Miller he will be more than ready. Bellamy’s hoping the day won’t get worse. He just wants to get his jobs done before he has to be at school for practice. Sodding two-a-days.

Bellamy loses himself in the work, fixing the new fence the heat beating down on him. It’s hard and hot work, but it means he doesn’t need to think about anything. Or anyone. Particularly not his ex-girlfriend.

He’s in the kitchen grabbing a glass of water thinking that maybe the worst of his day is over when Octavia and Gina come into the kitchen carrying grocery bags. He grabs the bags from Gina and gives her a light kiss hello. She smiles at him and starts to put the perishables in the fridge. He’s about to ask how her day is when Octavia speaks.

“Bell, can you help me get the rest out of my car.” It’s a demand not a request so he follows his sister. He tries to catch Gina’s eye as he leaves the kitchen, so they can share their Octavia eye roll, but he misses her. Almost like she’s avoiding his gaze.

“So,” Octavia starts as they’re walking to the car. “I saw Clarke Griffin in town earlier.”

“O,” he sighs.

“Don’t O me. That’s where you went this morning isn’t it. That’s why you called me to meet Gina in town. She said you’d gone to pick a friend up from the airport. Does she know it was Clarke?”

Bellamy doesn’t answer. They’re at Octavia’s car now and there’s only one bag and a slab of beer left to bring inside.

“Does she even know Clarke is Clarke?” Octavia demands.

Bellamy sits on the bumper of O’s car, a ridiculous Prius that Lincoln bought for her because “he cares” about the environment. He runs his hands through his hair and over his face.

“In order of your questions. Clarke is back for the party and, yes, that was where I went this morning, Raven’s car died and Clarke was stranded -”

He holds up a hand to stop the comment from Octavia, which he knows will be nothing nice.

“Gina doesn’t know who I went to pick up. And she knows Clarke is my ex-girlfriend but she doesn’t know I went to pick up Clarke and she’s never met her, so I don’t know if she knows who she is. But G’s not stupid.” Bellamy sighs.

Octavia must see that he is exhausted because she relents and sits next to him nudging him with her shoulder.

“I didn’t mean to yell.”

Bellamy snorts in response.

“Ok, I did but only because I care. About you, and Gina. Clarke broke your heart -”

“I know. I was there.”

“And then she left. She left all of us.”

Sometimes Bellamy forgets that it wasn’t just him affected by what happened. He doesn’t mean to, but the accident, Clarke leaving it all felt so personal that he forgets – like in the car this morning – that it affected them all.

He hugs his sister, because what else can he do.

“You need to talk to Gina. You know what this town is like.” Is all Octavia says, but she returns his hug because she does care.

“I will. I have to go to practice and then I’m meeting Miller tonight. But I will later.”

Octavia rolls her eyes.

“You’d better. I’m giving you until the morning then I’ll tell her myself. You can’t make her go about her business in town, go to that party, without telling her.”

Bellamy carries the rest of the shopping into the house and gives Gina a hug.

“I have to go to practice and then Miller suggested drinks. You don’t mind do you?” Bellamy says hugging her and speaking into her hair.

“Of course not.” She replies lightly.

She’s not stupid though, he was right about that, and there’s definitely a question in her gaze when he pulls back.

“I love you.” He says, and he does.

“Love you too. Now go before you’re late and have to run drills with the team.”

Bellamy drives to the school on autopilot, he’s been doing this route for years but today he feels like there are ghosts everywhere.

He almost ends up in the player’s locker room instead of going to the coach’s office, which is ridiculous because it’s five years since he played football and more than seven since he was a high school player.

He runs the offensive drills and they’re in good shape. He thinks they might actually have a strong team this year. He thinks he’s holding it together until he sees a blonde cheerleader doing practice vaults on the sidelines and has to do a double take.

“I need a drink.” He mutters to himself.

 

The heat of the day has died down by the time he meets Miller at the Ark. It’s the only decent bar in town and he’s been coming here since before it was strictly legal. Miller is at their usual table, at the back in the middle, close enough to see the screen if there’s a game they want to watch, close enough to the bar and far enough away that they can talk, if they want, which they often don’t.

Miller waits until Bellamy has drained half of his pint before speaking.

“So you drove a four hour roundtrip for Clarke Griffin this morning.”

Of course that’s how Miller puts it Bellamy thinks.

“Couldn’t just say, Clarke’s home. Could you?”

“Just wanted to make sure you knew what you’d done.”

“I was the one in the car with her, so pretty sure I’m aware.” Bellamy snaps.

Miller doesn’t react. He just goes up to the bar and gets refills.

“Sorry man. I just...” Bellamy begins. “I was at Grounders grabbing breakfast with Gina, when we saw Raven’s car break down. I went out to help and she said she was on her way to pick up Clarke, I offered without even thinking.”

“I would have done it for anyone.” Bellamy offers lamely.

“I know. But it’s not anyone is it.” Miller replies.

“No.”

They’ve been there a few hours and the bar is filling up with the usual Monday night crowd, but Bellamy thinks they must be giving off vibes because the table next to them is free still.

“What did Gina say?” Miller asks picking up the thread of the earlier conversation.

“Nothing. I told her I had to go and get a friend at the airport and it was an emergency.”

“And when you got back and told her it was Clarke.”

“I uh…” Bellamy rubs the back of his neck.

“Ah come on Blake. You cannot avoid this one,” Miller starts but pauses, “literally.”

Miller is facing the front of the bar, but Bellamy’s already heard them. He heard Jasper say they’re doing shots, heard Raven cheer, heard Monty agree and heard her laugh.

He thinks about making a break for it but before he gets chance he sees Miller smile.

“Sorry man, we’ve been spotted. But we’re almost done, so we can ditch straight away.”

Bellamy just nods. Doesn’t trust himself to say anything, not after the way it ended in the car.

“Clarke, did you know Monty and Miller are “Monty and Miller” now,” Jasper’s saying as they make their way over to them.

He knows she can’t have seen him, wouldn’t be heading over otherwise but it’s too late now.

“I heard a rumour,” Clarke’s smiling.

He risks a look at her she seems more relaxed than this morning. In a plain white tee and black jeans, her hair long and loose around her shoulders and he knows it shouldn’t make him feel anything, but it does. She must feel his eyes on her, because she looks directly at him and pauses for a split second, before she smiles.

“We bought you beers because we’re crashing your table, well technically the one next to you.” Raven says. “It’s the only one left that has any seats.”

“I was just leaving anyway.” Bellamy says standing up, purposely not looking at Clarke.

“Ah yes, can’t stay out late otherwise wifey will get mad.” Jasper, who is quite a few drinks ahead of the others says, “although if you’re not married yet technically she’s not your wifey, just your fiancée-y. But that doesn’t sound as good.”

Jasper waffles on seemingly oblivious to everyone else; the colour has completely drained from Clarke’s face, and Bellamy’s not sure he’s looking much better. Raven, Monty and Miller are just sitting there not sure what to say.

Clarke pulls herself together first.

“You’re engaged?” She asks.

He doesn’t trust himself to speak so just nods.

“I hadn’t heard, congratulations.” Clarke says but the tone is flat and she can’t meet his eye.

“Uh, yeah. Thanks.”

“We should toast to celebrate. I’ll get a round in.” Clarke says. “Raven a hand.”

They walk off and Bellamy knows he should leave, but he doesn’t know how. So he just slumps back down into his chair, pausing briefly to hit Jasper in the arm.

“Ow, what?” he mutters rubbing his arm.

“Shit.” Is all Bellamy says.

“About that, yeah,” Miller replies.

“Did none of you tell her?” Bellamy rounds on Monty.

“Hey!” Miller says protectively at the same time Monty replies. “It’s not for me to tell your ex you’re getting married. You want her to know, you tell her.”

“I think Jasper covered that one for me.” Bellamy mutters.

Clarke and Raven come back to the table with a round of shots.

“To marriage.” Clarke says, and Bellamy hears the sarcasm, he understands it but can’t help himself.

“To sticking it out.” He replies.

They’re glaring at each other as they tip the shots back. Tequila, obviously, because Clarke knows him and knows it’s the alcohol that will fuck him over the most.

Bellamy is just about to make another move to leave when Clarke pulls out her phone.

“Hey? Yeah, sure. Do I need to come now? Ok on my way.”

She turns to look apologetically at the group, well all of them except him, “Sorry guys, mama Griffin. Family duty.”

They all groan, but Raven’s is half-hearted and he’s willing to bet that she gave the barman a $20 just to call Clarke’s phone and get her out of there, but he knows Abby Griffin is enough of an excuse for no one to question it.

“You’re not driving are you?” Miller asks.

And Bellamy’s glad he does because it was his next question but he knows she wouldn’t respond well to that.

“I know my dad is the Sheriff but no, I’ll get a lift. Get home safe.” She says, “all of you.” as if she can’t help including him too and Bellamy feels warm at that.

Raven walks her out returning via the bar with more drinks. She sets them down and turns to punch Jasper in the arm.

“Ow, seriously?” he whines.

“You’re lucky that you already look enough like shit that I’m not punching you,” she says turning to Bellamy. “But know that I’m pissed at you.”

“There’s a queue for that privilege. Take a ticket and get in line.” Bellamy replies dropping his head into his hands.

And because his friends don’t suck, Raven rubs his back and then plies him with alcohol and no one mentions Clarke again. Except Monty when he thinks Bellamy isn’t listening.

“Did you see her face? We should have told her Raven. We shouldn’t have let it blindside her.”

And he thinks it’s his fault. He should have told her. But how can you tell someone who won’t speak to you that you’ve moved on as much as you ever will.

Miller stays sober enough to call Octavia to take him home. He’s glad it’s Octavia because Gina would have questions and at least Octavia only has judgement.

“I’m giving you a 24 hour extension big brother. Tell Gina.” Octavia says as she pulls up to the house. “But tomorrow, when you’re sober.”

Lincoln helps Octavia get him in the house and he’s grateful when they leave him on the sofa.

He has his eyes closed but isn’t asleep, so he hears Gina come in and talk to his sister.

“This is about the blonde girl we saw in town isn’t it?”

There’s silence but Gina carries on.

“Give me some credit Octavia. He rushes off this morning to pick someone up from the airport. We see a blonde with Raven and you look like you’ve seen a ghost then practically tear the checkout girl apart. Then you take Bellamy off to carry a bag for you even though I’ve literally seen you life a tree trunk. Then he goes for beers with Miller and comes home smelling like Keith Richards.”

“Who is she?” Gina asks.

Bellamy knows he should speak but he knows he would only make it worse. So he feels a huge rush of love for his sister when she says, “Bell will tell you everything, I promise. And if by tomorrow he hasn’t, I will.”

“Ok.” Gina sighs walking into the kitchen. He hears her turn the tap on and come into the sitting room, putting the glass down next to him. She strokes his hair and quietly says, “Night Bellamy.”

Then it’s quiet.

 


	2. TUESDAY

As Clarke laced up her trainers she was glad she didn’t drink more last night. She wasn’t a regular runner, in fact she pretty much hated it, but she’d had to do it as part of her cheerleading training in high school and, well, old habits really do die-hard. Plus there was something about being back in Arkadia that made it less weird.

“Going for a run,” she shouted into the house as she closed the door behind her.

Clarke lived on 2nd street. It was a big house, too big for the three of them – she literally had her own wing – but it had been in the Griffin family for generations and her mother was one for tradition.

As Clarke ran she followed her old route. Down the numbered streets – 1st to 10th, where all the rich kids lived, Wells lived on 1st street – then out through town, past the regular streets where Raven, Monty, Miller and Jasper all grew up, and on towards the school. The streets were empty, which is what happened when you went for a run before most normal people were up but Clarke hadn’t slept well after the revelations in the bar and right now she wanted to think of nothing other than the burning in her chest and the sound of her trainers on the ground.

It wasn’t until she saw a pack of boys with a very familiar figure at the front run straight towards her that she realised that not only had she been subconsciously following the old running route she used to do with Bellamy but that she’d also been unintentionally looking out for him.

And now he was running straight towards her, shirtless.

Clarke refused to blush or to be embarrassed that she was wearing her old high school t-shirt and some very short shorts. Instead she stepped out of the way to the side and let the boys run past her.

Bellamy nodded but otherwise didn’t acknowledge her.

A chorus of “ma’am and miss” greeted her as the boys went past and there was more than one leer but Clarke had faced down worse than horny teenage boys. She rolled her eyes and carried on running, getting to the school and turning back the way she came, pushing her self harder than ever to avoid thinking about shirtless Bellamy.

She hadn’t realised how fast she’d been pushing herself until she started to gain on the pack of boys. She knew they’d turn left at the town crossroads and she was going right, but still it was a point of pride at this point to pass them.

She came up alongside them on the right and couldn’t help say something.

“Being matched by a twenty-something woman. Huh, coaching standards sure are slipping.” She heard the indignant splutters behind her as she turned right and carried on running.

As soon as she knew it wouldn’t look suspicious Clarke ducked into one of the side streets and collapsed to her knees. She wouldn’t be able to walk without her legs burning for days, and she wasn’t sure she could even walk home right now, but it was worth it.

Fuck you Bellamy Blake, she thought hauling herself up and walking home. Fuck you and your-perfect-moving-on-with-a-fiancée life.

 

 

Bellamy hated Clarke Griffin more at that moment than he had for a very long time. As if it wasn’t enough that he had the hangover to end all hangovers, he had had to sheepishly leave the house and promise his fiancée that they’d talk when he came home. Then Clarke had managed to rile a pack of hormonal teenage boys up so that by the time they got to the school he’d already threatened to bench half of them.

Head coach Marcus Kane was waiting for the boys when they got back. Bellamy did his best to explain why they were all so riled but barely managed to choke out the words Clarke before seeing Marcus’ pitying expression and the boys filled in the blanks.

“Smoking hot blonde.”

“In tiny shots”

“Then she said that standards had slipped.”

The boys all talked over one another and Marcus managed to piece enough together as Myles said, “I totally would though. Did you see those t--”

“I suggest you don’t finish that sentence.” Marcus said glancing at Bellamy who was looking murderous. “Not least because it’s uncouth but also because that’s the Sheriff’s daughter you’re talking about and I don’t think he’d appreciate the tone.”

“Now shower all of you.”

Marcus was a clever enough coach, with enough experience, to know he’d got the most out of them this morning. He’d just work them extra hard tonight.

“I presume you don’t want to talk about it,” Marcus said not unkindly turning to Bellamy.

“You presume right.”

“In that case go home Blake. You smell like a brewery. Back here at 4pm.”

“Yeah, right. Sorry.” Bellamy said turning away and ducking his head.

Marcus had known Bellamy for years and Clarke practically since she was born but he also knew that whatever was going on was not going to just go away. He thought about calling Abby but decided Jake was the best option, maybe he’d persuade him to go for ribs for lunch, then discuss how this could not impact his team, or assistant coach any further.

 

Bellamy pulled his car into the farm and turned off the engine. Octavia’s car was gone, which he knew was because she was making a point and giving them space not because she was being nice.

He got out of the car and trudged towards the house.

Gina was sitting at the table in a tank top and shorts, her hair piled on her head.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“I was just waiting for the coffee to brew. Do you want one?” She asked standing up.

“Uh yeah, I’ll just go and shower.”

If she thought it was strange that he didn’t give her a kiss like he had every other morning they lived together she didn’t mention it.

Bellamy showered and changed into his work jeans and a worn grey t-shirt trying not to notice his hangover or the feeling of guilt that was sitting low in his stomach, he’d technically done nothing wrong after all.

Gina passed him his coffee wordlessly and waited. It was on him and he knew that.

“Thanks.” He said sitting across from her at the table.

He exhaled and just started talking.

“Remember when we met and you asked about ex’s and I said it was a long story.”

Gina nods as he continues talking.

“Then before I asked you to move in I said there had been a high school girlfriend -”

“Clarke.” She supplies, and hearing her name coming from Gina makes Bellamy feel even worse.

“Clarke. And that it ended badly so there was no one serious after that, no one until you.”

“Yeah, I remember.”

“Well, Clarke’s back in town. It was her I went to pick up from the airport yesterday.”

“Ok.” Gina says leaning back in her chair and drawing the word out for two long syllables. She looks at him across the table and Bellamy knows that he owes her more, owes her much more.

“Clarke and I knew each other forever but started dating when she was sixteen and I was seventeen. We were the small town cliché, all of them. But it was real and we loved each other. We thought we could make it work after school. You know I got a football scholarship to A&M and she was going to Georgetown the following year. And it was hard. Really hard, but it was working.” Bellamy sighs. He doesn’t risk looking at Gina, knowing he might lose his nerve to continue.

“We were fighting but it was the distance thing. I think. Anyway it was winter break and Harper was flying home for the holidays from California. I offered to pick her up from the airport and we were driving home, late, when a driver on the opposite side of the road fell asleep and veered straight into us. We went spinning into a tree.”

“You know the rest.” Bellamy says looking at Gina, because she does.

He’s never hidden the accident from her. How could he? It killed his friend and destroyed his football career, losing his scholarship and bringing him right back to Arkadia. It was a town legend – everyone knew.

“Bellamy,” she says softly, and he shrugs because he doesn’t want to tell her the rest. He hates talking about it and in fact has managed to talk about it only a handful of times in the five years since it happened and he was drunk for almost all of them.

“Clarke was by my side for all of it. She missed school to stay here with me. She was grieving, we all were, but Harper was her best friend’s girlfriend.”

“Monty.” Bellamy adds at Gina’s blank look.

“But they were friends too. They were on the cheerleading team together, close, really close. I don’t think I’d realised how much they’d been friends on their own until Harper was gone.”

“Anyway,” he continues. “Clarke was a lifeline in the three months it took me to get out of hospital and for the two after that until I was basically back on my feet. Or as good as I could be.”

“Then one morning in May she came to see me and told me she was going back to D.C. I knew she would eventually but figured we at least had the summer, but she told me she was going then and there and that…”

Bellamy falters not really wanting to talk about his biggest heartbreak with his fiancée. But he continues because she needs to understand what yesterday was about.

“That we were done. Over. She didn’t want to talk to me. She went back to school, deleted all her social media and blocked my number. She’s still friends with my friends, so I knew where she was but we were done just like that. That was the last time I spoke to Clarke Griffin for five years until yesterday morning.”

“Griffin? As in Sheriff Griffin?” Is all Gina says.

“Yeah, she’s his daughter.”

“Of course she is.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Bellamy snaps because even after all these years, he can’t help being defensive on Clarke’s behalf.

“It’s nothing. I just always wondered why things were so odd with you and the Griffin’s. Now I know I guess.”

He doesn’t say anything to that because there is nothing to say. It’s true.

Gina is quiet for a really long time, only getting up to pour them both another coffee and Bellamy hopes the fact she’s still here is a good sign.

“Do I need to be worried?” Is what she eventually asks. And when Bellamy looks at into her brown eyes he sees the uncertainty behind her words.

“No.” He goes round to her then. “No.”

He kisses her softly, hair in her hand. “I love you, I’m marrying you. And Clarke’s only here for a week.”

“Ok. I trust you. But no more drinking instead of talking to me.” She says as she kisses him back.

“Deal.”

And he means it.

 

Clarke drops her dad off at the station because she needs the car to do “party errands” for her mum. But first she wants coffee.

She heads to Grounders because it is literally the only place in town that does coffee that is actually drinkable.

She gets into the queue behind a heavily tattooed man who looks so out of place, she almost thinks he might be lost. But the barista seems to know him.

“Hey man, the usual?”

“Yep.” His voice is softer than expected and then she hears his order and can’t help but laugh.

“Soy cap?" she laughs, "You’re actually ordering soy in Arkadia – you’re a brave man.”

He turns to her in surprise but there’s no malice in the gaze just a hint of a smirk.

“I know. I practically had to bring my own when I first moved here but I’ve got them sussed now.”

Clarke smiles and thinks how nice it is that there is someone in town who doesn’t know her and hate or pity her when she hears him say to the barista...

“Don’t forget the half shot, extra caramel, one shot of vanilla, macchiato.”

Clarke’s stomach drops. There’s only one person she knows around here who orders a drink that sweet but she hopes beyond hope she’s wrong.

“I’m Lincoln.” The man says turning back to her.

“I’m -”

“Clarke.” Octavia cuts in before Clarke can finish.

Lincoln’s eyes narrow and Clarke realises that her blank slate is no longer so blank. Squaring her shoulders she turns to where Octavia’s voice came from.

“Octavia.”

Is all she can manage before Octavia slaps her right across the face. Clarke is speechless, tears pooling in her eyes from the shock, and the sting. She knows once the blood starts pumping again she’ll have a hell of a handprint on her cheek.

“O. Jesus.” Lincoln says moving between them before Octavia can do any more damage.

“She deserves it.” Octavia spits.

Clarke’s aware that the whole café are watching her, so she does what she’s known for. She leaves.

That means walking past Octavia but it looks like the rage, if not anger, has gone out of her now and Lincoln has her anchored behind his arm.

Clarke walks out with as much elegance as she can manage, waiting until she’s back in her car, before she breaks down and sobs.

 

Bellamy is on his way back home after second practice when his phone rings. It’s Miller. I’ll call him back he thinks as he turns towards his house.

Practice was better tonight, although he caught a few odd looks from the boys and Kane looked like he wanted to say something but there was no chance. Bellamy was done as soon as he could be. He knows he needs to be there for Gina and family dinner is the best way to be normal again.

His phone rings again, Miller.

Worried in case it’s important Bellamy pulls over and answers.

“Have you spoken to your sister today?” Miller says by way of hello.

“No, what’s happened?” he panics.

“She’s fine, don’t worry but did she tell you about this morning?”

“What about this morning? The only time I heard from her today was a text when I was at practice saying she was grilling steaks for dinner.”

Miller pauses and then in a tone that Bellamy has come to think of as his ‘Blake’ tone he starts, “Well apparently there was a thing at Grounders this morning…”

 

“Octavia! O!” Bellamy shouts as soon as he’s out of the car. Storming into the house, he can’t see them but can hear voices out of the back porch.

“Octavia!”

“What? Jeez Bell, we’re back here.”

Bellamy practically wrenches the porch door off its hinges as he walks out. He sees Lincoln look down, Gina look confused and his sister refuse to meet his eye.

“Anything you want to tell me about today?” he spits, his rage simmering.

“You already seem to know.” Octavia snaps back no longer avoiding his gaze. Staring back at him defiantly.

“Well I just found out that apparently you caused a scene this morning.” Bellamy seethes. “But I want to hear it from you.”

“I wouldn’t say it was a scene. Call it karmic retribution.”

“So it’s true. You slapped Clarke.”

He notices a shadow of a smile cross Gina’s face but it’s gone before he can pin it down.

“Yeah I did. And if Lincoln hadn’t stepped in I probably would’ve kicked her for good measure.”

“And you. You didn’t think to tell me?” He turns on Lincoln.

The man just shrugs. “I figured Octavia would tell you.”

“Or Clarke would come running like she obviously did.” Octavia spits.

Bellamy sits down then the fight gone out of him. “She didn’t tell me O. She doesn’t speak to me remember? Miller told me because apparently it’s all over town.”

“Oh.” Octavia has the grace to look almost embarrassed, but it’s gone before she can really commit. “Well I’m not saying sorry. She deserved it.”

“You can’t go around hitting people you don’t like.” Is all Bellamy mutters leaning into Gina who’s next to the chair he’s sitting on the edge of.

“I didn’t hit her because I don’t like her,” Octavia replies as if it’s obvious, “I hit her because she broke you.”

He notices Gina tense at his side and sighs, “she didn’t break me O. She hurt me, sure, but it was a long time ago. And I can fight my own battles.”

Octavia rolls her eyes at the last part.

There's a pause and then Bellamy gets up to hug her. “Save me one of those ok.” He says pointing to the steaks on the grill.

“Where are you going?” Gina asks at the same time Octavia says, “Are you going to see her.”

He ignores Octavia and turns to Gina, “I’m going to see Raven, to see if I can’t smooth things over. Do you want to come?”

She pauses before leaning over and kissing him, “no, I trust you.”

And Bellamy’s not sure what’s worse, if she means it or if she doesn’t.

 

Miller and Monty are at Raven’s when he arrives. Miller opens the door, “she’s pissed,” he says by way of greeting.

Bellamy follows him into the living room where he flops back down next to Monty and carries on playing Grand Theft Auto.

“What do you want?” Raven practically snarls.

“Hi to you too.” Bellamy spits back because it’s been a long day and it’s not even 9pm yet.

“Do you know what your sister did?”

“Yes, Raven I know. Why do you think I’m here?”

“I know you let Octavia be Octavia,”

“Watch it.” Bellamy growls.

“But she can’t just go round hitting people.” Raven continues as if she hasn’t heard him. “We all love Octavia, but some of us love Clarke too.”

“I know.” He says practically falling down onto Raven’s ancient lazy-boy chair.

“I’ve given O a lecture. I didn’t even know about it until Miller told me.”

The sit in silence for a bit. Bellamy hasn’t been to Raven’s for a while, they normally go out for drinks or she comes to the farm but he feels comfortable here, they spent enough time here when they were younger. It’s not much – two rooms, a kitchen and a bathroom - but Raven applied for legal emancipation when she was 16 and she’s been in this little carriage house ever since. He thinks it’s the familiarity of the place that makes him say the next words, ones he regrets as soon as they’re out of his mouth.

“Do you think Clarke broke me?”

Three heads turn to look at him. Monty even puts down his console, so Bellamy knows it’s serious. Regretting his words he quickly carries on.

“O said that Clarke deserved the slap because she broke me. And I, I wanted to know if you guys thought that too.” He shrugs rubbing the back of his neck.

“Shit.” Is all Raven says disappearing into the kitchen. She comes back with two beers. “I only have two, but figured even a tiny bit would help.”

She hands one to Monty and then the other to Bellamy, “don’t hog it though. We’re doing halfsies.”

“I don’t think she broke you.” Miller says eventually, “But I think you were broken by the whole damn thing. I think you all were. The thing is Octavia only saw you. She didn’t see Clarke, or Monty.”

“Or us.” Raven adds.

“Or us.” Miller concedes.

“Did you know I went to see Clarke? Just before the first anniversary.” Monty says quietly.

Both Raven and Bellamy look up in shock.

“No, I… jeez.” Is all Bellamy can say.

“Yeah, Jasper came with me. I was furious, practically vibrating with rage. I went to her dorm and hammered on the door. She wasn’t in but I waited. I sat outside her room and wound myself up even more, you know. How dare she. How dare she move on when the rest of us were still here? How dare she keep going?”

They all nod. It’s not like they all hadn’t thought it over the years.

“But then I saw her. God she looked awful. She weighed practically nothing. Had a huge pile of books in her arms and just looked tiny. I wanted to scream at her, I really did but when she saw me she physically braced, and I knew there was nothing I could say that would make her feel worse.”

“She text me just a couple of weeks after the anniversary.” Raven says quietly, “Was that because of you?”

Monty shrugs, “I’m not saying I said nothing to her, only that I’d calmed down enough to not hit her… unlike Octavia.”

“To be fair Octavia packs a bigger punch than you.” Miller says with a smile, lightening the mood slightly.

“All I’m trying to say is yeah, maybe she broke you. But I think she broke herself too.”

Bellamy hands the beer back to Raven.

“Reyes, can I use your phone?” Bellamy asks.

She’s almost handing it over when she stops, “wait, why?”

Bellamy doesn’t say anything, but Raven’s always been quick.

“Nuh, uh. No way Blake, do your own dirty work.”

“I can’t my number is blocked remember.”

“Have you tried recently?” Raven counters.

“No, but even so… between last night and my sister I’m not sure she wants to talk to me. Please, I’ll even show you the message.”

Raven looks to Monty and Miller, who just shake their heads, “Could not be getting less involved,” Miller shrugs.

“It defies every part of girl-code.” Raven argues scowling at him and holding her phone away.

“Literally less than a month ago you were moaning about how girl-code is a construct thought-up by men to make women feel bad for following normal impulses.” Bellamy smirks, knowing he’s got her.

“Dammit!" she huffs, "Here you go.”

Bellamy texts a quick message and sends it before Raven can say no, but he does show her.

Meet me at the bleachers at 9.

“She’ll know its not me, I’d never suggest the bleachers of all places.” Raven says.

“Exactly. So she’ll probably assume it’s me, and then she can decide if she wants to see me or not.”

“That’s actually quite sensible, Blake. I’m almost impressed. Still mad at Octavia though.”

“Me too.” Bellamy replies giving her knee a squeeze and getting up. Waving to the others he starts to leave but Raven stops him at the door.

“If Gina asks where you are, what am I saying?”

Too damn smart for her own good, Bellamy thinks but he says, “The truth. I don’t want to put you in the middle of something there’s no middle of.”

She nods.

As she closes the door behind him, he hears her mutter, “sure, there’s no middle.”

 

Clarke is having a family dinner when she feels her phone vibrate in her pocket. Her mum has a thing about phones at the table so she pretends to knock her napkin off the table and bend down to retrieve it.

 **Raven:** _Meet me at the bleachers at 9._

She slips her phone back into her pocket and sits up. She knows it’s not from Raven, she would never suggest the bleachers, and also doesn’t use punctuation or capital letters. Which means it’s from him, Bellamy. Which makes sense, the bleachers were where they had their first proper conversation, where he asked her out for the first time, where he told her about his football scholarship. It was their place.

“Ahh crap.”

“Language” Abby says at the same time Jake asks, “What’s wrong?”

“I promised Raven I’d drop something round tonight and realised I haven’t done it. I’ll just go now, it won’t take long.” Clarke lies, standing up.

“Are you sure it can’t wait until we’ve all finished?” Abby asks.

“Sorry, mum. I’ll be super quick I promise.” Clarke says plopping a kiss on her mum’s head and smiling at her dad as she leaves.

“I swear she came up with better excuses to sneak out when she actually lived here.” Jake says to his wife.

Abby smiles. “I know. And she does know we know the phone trick doesn’t she.” She adds picking up her glass of wine.

They both laugh and Jake murmurs, “More ice-cream for us then my love.”

“Perfect.”

 

Clarke misses this display of domesticity and instead heads straight to her mum’s car, thankful that she already had the discussion about borrowing it today. Clarke lives closer to the school than Bellamy does, but of course doesn’t know that he had been at Raven’s so is surprised to see him already sitting there when she arrives.

“You don’t look like Raven Reyes,” She shouts up as she starts to climb up. She’s grateful that Abby likes them to be smart-ish for dinner, and that she’s wearing jeans and a light cotton shirt.

“Guilty. I didn’t have another way to get in touch with you.” He shrugs.

“I unblocked your number about 18 months ago,” Clarke replies.

He takes a moment to take that in, but she continues before he can say anything.

“So who hates me more… you or Octavia?” she asks.

She’s chosen to sit on the bench behind him instead of next to him so he has to turn to look at her, and unfortunately the light catches her cheek.

“Based on the mark on your cheek, I’d say Octavia.”

Clarke nods.

They sit in silence, the August heat swirling around them.

“I forgot, you know, the town, the school, this football field. I forget what it sounds and smells like but I’ve been back 24 hours and it’s all right there.” She says looking out across the stadium.

“It’s like muscle memory, you never truly forget.”

“I guess.”

He thinks they’re still talking about school but he’s always had conversations on multiple layers with Clarke so it could well be about them, and what happened.

“We’re you going to tell me?”

He knows she’s talking about Gina, and knows that he came her to calm things down but suddenly he is irrationally angry, again.

“How. You didn’t want to talk to me remember. I didn’t know I was unblocked.” He spits.

Clarke takes a deep breath before speaking, clearly trying not to rise to the bait, “I know. But we had two hours in the car yesterday Bell and I asked you what was new with you… you said nothing but I’d argue getting married counts.”

The use of his old nickname, from her, stops him briefly before he replies, “engaged. And of course I thought about telling you but I didn’t know how. The whole thing was awkward enough without me suddenly being like ‘oh by the way, I met someone and am getting married, so you didn’t fuck me over for good.’”

“I might have worded it differently but fair point,” She says softly and Bellamy feels like a total jerk. “You were going to bring her to the party though, weren’t you.”

And it’s not really a question because he knows that Clarke knows the answer is yes and he feels even worse than before.

“Yeah. I was hoping the grapevine would’ve done its job by then.”

“Well, I can’t call you a coward. Even though I want to. I literally ran to another state, so I’d say you’re allowed this one.”

He can’t believe she’s so calm, but when he turns to look at her he sees her eyes are closed and she’s holding the bench so tightly her knuckles are white.

He reaches out to touch her hand and she practically leaps off the bench as if she’s been burned, so he pulls his hand back, but she does unclench her fists.

“I’m sorry, about O. I’ve talked to her. I know it doesn’t mean much, but…”

“She’s become so beautiful.”

“Yeah.”

“You did well. Other than the hitting people thing, and I assume that’s on a case by case basis.” Clarke says with a smile to let him know she’s joking.

“The hitting thing, the huge boyfriend and the refusal to go to college. Oh yeah I’m a stellar parent.” Bellamy huffs.

“The boyfriend seems nice. At least he didn’t hit me.”

Bellamy laughs because the idea of Lincoln hitting anyone is too hard to comprehend.

“He’s all about talking his way out of problems, not fighting, despite appearances.”

“What’s the college thing about?” Clarke asks.

And because it’s easy like this, looking out to the field in the place he first spent time with her he tells her.

“She doesn’t know what she wants to do apparently and claims she doesn’t want to spend thousands of dollars to figure it out. But I don’t buy it. I think Lincoln is part of the reason she wants to stay, and, uhh…” Bellamy fiddles with his hair continuing, “I think she doesn’t want to leave me. She’s worried I won’t handle it.”

The unspoken words – because you left me – hang in between them but to her credit Clarke just asks, “But what about… the fiancée?”

“Gina. She’s great and a kindergarten teacher at the school and I think once we’re married O will relax you know.”

He feels Clarke move and before he’s really registered what’s happening she’s half way down the steps.

“Wait, Clarke. Will you just wait!”

He grabs her arm at the bottom of the steps and pulls her to a stop in front of him, but she refuses to look at him.

“What’s going on?” he demands.

“I’m sorry, I am.” He can hear the tears in her voice, “I know I asked, and I really thought I could do this. That I owed it to you to be ok about Octavia and about you not telling me about Gina but I can’t listen to how great your life is now. Even though I want it to be. I just can’t hear it.”

“Clarke. Look at me, please.” He pleads.

Regretting it when she does because her eyes, the blue he remembers in his dreams, are full of tears that are silently running down her face, and there is a bruise on her cheek from his bloody sister.

They are close enough that if he reached out he could swipe her tears away but he doesn’t. It’s not fair. Not fair to any of them.

“I am happy you’re happy but I can’t listen to it and pretend to be a friend. It’s too hard.” she practically whispers.

He understands. He understands because the thought of even asking about her love life, let alone hearing an answer, makes him want to break things. So he just nods.

“Bell,” she says softly, “You need to leave this time. Please go.”

And he does because he would have walked away last time if he thought it would’ve saved them. Only when he’s at the edge of the field does he look back, and he sees her, head bowed, under the floodlights looking just how Monty described her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so now you know what happened... thoughts?
> 
> I have decided that I'm going to post each chapter on the relevant day, i.e. today's is Tuesday, but a week apart to give me chance to finish the final two. So next chapter is next Wednesday.


	3. WEDNESDAY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Wednesday y'all. 
> 
> Thank you all for the feedback so far, it's really lovely to know people are reading and invested in this version of Bellarke. No Bellamy/Clarke scenes in this one, sorry, but as usual basically everything is about them anyway.

Raven had been calling Clarke all morning with no response. Logically she knows she wouldn’t have just left town again, she wouldn’t miss the party plus, Abby would literally hunt her down. But illogically she can’t help but be concerned, she knows Clarke saw Bellamy last night and when it comes to those two Raven can never predict which way things will go, and she doesn’t like it.

She saw Bellamy this morning, he passed her in town and smiled but it didn’t look sincere and he looked tired. But then again, this is Bellamy, he’s always tired and they’ve never exactly been confidents.

“Ugh!” Raven throws her hands up in frustration looking at Monty. “Anything?”

She had decided that misery, and speculation, love company so had gone to Monty’s place earlier that morning when she failed to reach Clarke.

“No, nothing. And not that it should matter but apparently Nate text Bellamy last night to see if he was ok and got no response. Which Nate says is not that odd but still…”

“This is ridiculous. I’m going to head over to Griffin manor and see what’s going on.”

Monty just nods, knowing this would be the inevitable outcome, “Text if you need back-up.”

Raven swings Wick’s car into the Griffin driveway. She hates Wick’s car but hers is still in the shop and needs must. Looking up at the Griffin house she’s momentarily surprised by the scale of it. She’s used to it of course, has been coming over for years, but she hasn’t been over in a while and, well, it is one of the nicest, biggest, houses in town. Good ol' oil money, and god knows what else, she thinks walking round the back to the kitchen to let herself in.

It’s mid-morning so she is expecting an empty house but knocks as she opens the door anyway and is surprised when Abby Griffin looks up from her seat at the kitchen island where she’s reading the newspaper.

“Mama G!” Raven smiles, leaning over for a hug.

Abby can be scary, and tough, but she’s always been there for Raven and that’s something that Raven doesn’t take for granted.

“Raven,” Abby says lightly, “Perfect timing. Can you please tell my daughter you’re here so we can finally leave.”

The confusion lingers on Raven’s face for less than a split second but that’s all Abby needs.

“Ahh, I take it this is a surprise visit and in fact my daughter was just stalling about shopping with me. Regardless, now you’re here you can come with. Tell Clarke that there is no way she’s getting out of tonight and that I expect to see y’all at the Main Street Tavern in 45 minutes. I’ll at least let you eat first.” Abby says briskly.

Before Raven can form a response Abby is out of the door.

As Raven climbs the stairs to Clarke’s rooms she can’t help thinking, not for the first time, that she’d never want to be on the wrong side of Mrs Griffin.

“Oi Griffin,” she yells walking along the tastefully beige corridor to Clarke’s bedroom, “your mother just roped me into a shopping trip all because I came to check on you ‘cause you couldn’t answer your damn phone.”

The last word dies on Raven’s lips as she opens the door to see Clarke, still in her pyjama’s, just sitting on the edge of her bed. Not crying, not shouting, not sketching angry drawings. Just sitting.

“Clarke?” Raven says softly the way you’d talk to a wounded animal, “What’s going on?”

Clarke looks up at Raven, “I have no fucking clue.” Then flops back on her bed.

“Ok, I need more.” Raven says going to sit next to her.

“He’s happy you know? And I’m happy he’s happy. I assumed he was when I thought about him, which I tried not to do too often but I just didn’t think I’d have to see it. And I figured that if I did I’d be happy too.”

Before Raven can say anything Clarke continues.

“Do you know I can tell you the date and location of every time I’ve seen Bellamy since we broke up. It’s only three times and two of them were church at Christmas but, still, it’s seared on my brain, and there he is just living life. Moving on with her. The non-fucked up teacher of children.”

Raven is about to interject but Clarke isn’t done.

“And it’s fine you know. I broke up with him. So it’s fine that he hates me, and that Octavia, who I watched grow up, slapped me but now I have to spend a week in this town where everything hurts and watch him live his best fucking life. It’s bullshit.”

This time Raven doesn’t wait for Clarke to carry on. “Ok, up!” She says literally pulling Clarke into sitting position.

“It’s time for some tough love.”

“I don’t know what happened between the two of you last night...”

“Yeah thanks for that by the way,” Clarke huffs.

“You didn’t have to go.” Raven replies refusing to be put off her stride. “I know this is hard but it’s hard for him too. And if Bellamy looks like he has his shit together you have to know that it’s hard won.”

Clarke just looks at Raven.

“You don’t deserve this because you’re being a spoilt princess right now, but I think it might help. When you left, he was lost. We all were but he didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t just leave because Octavia was in school and he had to look after things here but it wasn’t easy. This Bellamy that you see now, the one with Gina –“

Clarke flinches at her name but Raven carries on.

“This has been a long process. He put Octavia, work and school first. The only thing he’d ever thought he’d do was gone he had to rediscover his whole future. He was practically a hermit, only coming out when we dragged him. He wasn’t serious about anyone until Gina and I’m not even sure he was prepared for that.”

“Clarke, I love you. You’re the best female friend, pretty much the only female friend, I have. But you’re not being fair right now. You left. You left all of us, and it sucked but you came back to the rest of us, but not him. You didn’t speak to him, wouldn’t let him speak to you. And now you’re back but it’s only for a week, and yeah it’s hard but in a few days you’re gone, again, and we’re all left here picking up the pieces.”

The room is silent except for the sound of Clarke’s sniffling and Raven wonders if she’s gone too far. She thinks about apologising but realises she doesn’t want to. Instead she says, “Get dressed. We have to meet your mom in 20 minutes.”

Clarke gets up and makes her way back to the bathroom, before turning quickly back and giving Raven a huge all encompassing hug, “I’m sorry I’ve been an ass. I just forgot that all of you got on with your life without me, and it kinda sucks. But I get it and I love you.”

“Go!” Raven says pointing to the bathroom, “It’s bad enough that I have to go shopping with you guys, don’t make me late for lunch too.”

 

Lunch is tasty but uneventful. Clarke feels a few people glancing her way but no one is stupid enough to say anything in front of Abby. The three of them have a couple of glasses of wine over lunch and discuss the upcoming party for Clarke’s dad and the latest philanthropic venture that Abby is working on. A once promising surgeon Abby gave it up to have a family, hoping that she would have a loud and full house, when that didn’t happen she looked at Clarke as her blessing and instead joined every club, society and charity board that was available.

Clarke likes spending time with her mum and Raven. She’d forgotten the easy rhythm that the three of them have. In fact Clarke’s having such a good time that it’s easy to forget this isn’t her life.

So when Abby pushes them into the only expensive dress shop in town Clarke doesn’t complain too much. Nor does she grumble about the armful of dresses that Abby gives her to try on. She instead pokes her tongue out at Raven, who doesn’t have to go to the party tonight because it’s a police thing, and is just offering comments about the dresses Clarke is trying on.

Clarke is trying on a royal blue strapless dress that she thinks might be the one, when she hears voices outside and suddenly Raven is in the dressing room with her, holding a finger to her lips.

“Are you shopping for your dress?” she hears Abby ask.

“Oh, no. Not yet. We need to actually decide on a date. We’re thinking next year, September, so it’s cooled a bit but still warm enough to be outside on the farm.” A voice Clarke doesn’t recognise says.

She realises who it is at the exact same moment she hears her mother say, “How lovely. Will we be seeing you and Bellamy on Saturday?”

The pause is barely there but all the women in the shop are attuned to it, “yes. We’re, uh, looking forward to it.”

“Excellent, it’s shaping up to be a wonderful day.”

“Well, I should be going. I only came to collect this for Octavia.”

“Bye Gina, lovely to see you.”

Clarke and Raven are exchanging silent looks when Abby pulls open the curtain, “well that’s a mature way to deal with things.”

“This is my cue to leave…” Raven says ducking out of the changing room. “Don’t get blood on the dresses!”

Raven’s cheeky comment gets a tut from Abby but does soften her slightly, so when she looks back at Clarke it’s less of a glare than previously. “Yes, that’s the dress. Get changed and we’ll talk.”

 

They don’t actually talk until they’re in the car, it’s a classic Abby Griffin trick there’s nowhere to escape in a moving vehicle.

“Speak Clarke. Your silence is deafening.”

“You know, G-, her?”

“Yes, I know Gina. I met her before Bellamy actually. She teaches at the school and of course, I’m an active part of the school board.”

“Course. Did you know they were engaged?” Clarke’s tone is sullen, the stroppy teenager she used to be but she can’t help it.

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Before she can stop herself Clarke adds, “Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

“I was going to but it’s recent and I knew you were going to be here for the party so I wanted to talk to you face to face. Plus, I wasn’t sure if one your friends, or even Bellamy himself might have told you.”

“No. Until Monday, I hadn’t spoken to Bellamy in years.” If Abby is surprised by that information she hides it well. Clarke continues, “and the others are all crappy friends who didn’t tell me.”

“Clarke,” her mother warns.

“I know they’re not really. I just felt blindsided by it all. It feels like the whole town knows except me.”

“Probably because they did.” Abby says, not unreasonably. “Clarke, when you went back to school at Georgetown you cut yourself off from Arkadia and given everything that happened I’m not surprised but a town doesn’t just stop because you’re not in it. Did you expect your friends, Bellamy, to pause their lives because you left?”

“No.” Clarke pouts. But she wonders if there isn’t some truth to what her mother said, because after all Raven said basically the same thing.

They finish the drive in silence until they pull up the house and Clarke says, “I guess I just didn’t expect them to be doing so well without me.”

“Oh darling,” her mother says reaching across the car to hug Clarke, “appearances can be deceptive. Everyone is just surviving the best they can.”

“Now, come on. Gustus will be here shortly to do our hair. Superintendent Wallace will be coming tonight, so we need to show that big city moron how we do things.” Abby says getting out of the car and giving her daughter’s hand a final squeeze.

 

Gina is making the bed when Bellamy comes in. She doesn’t hear him at first, so he gets to just look at her. Her long dark hair pulled up into a messy ponytail, jean shorts and one of his t-shirts, she looks gorgeous and real, and his.

“Hi,” He says going up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist.

“Hey,” she replies snuggling back into him. He’s nuzzling her neck, a usual sign for lets fool around but she just pulls out of his embrace laughing.

“I’ve just put clean sheets on, I am not having you mess them up Bellamy Blake.”

“Sure I can’t persuade you?” he asks grabbing her back and kissing her deeply.

“I’m entirely sure you can,” she replies kissing him back, “but just not right now. Ok?”

“Ok.”

Bellamy doesn’t exactly think of himself as a sex god, but generally things between him and Gina have always been good.

“Is something wrong?” He asks following her out of their bedroom to the kitchen.

“What? Because I don’t want to have sex whenever you demand it.” She snaps.

“Huh, I’m not demanding… that’s not what I meant.”

And it’s not what he meant but Bellamy is now even more certain that something is wrong, because this isn’t them. They don’t bicker and snap at each other. Gina’s no pushover but they are easy with each other, not constantly trying to win.

“Hey,” he says softly coming up to stand next to her, “I wasn’t trying to pressure you. You just looked so gorgeous, and I love you and wanted you.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” She sighs leaning into him. “I saw your ex today.”

Bellamy doesn’t mean to tense, but he can’t help it. It’s the last thing he was expecting her to say and it’s thrown him off. She notices of course, but doesn’t say anything, just moves away to the fridge.

“I’m getting a beer, you want?”

“Sure.”

“Octavia and Lincoln are out at the police thing so we have the place to ourselves.” She says as she makes her way out to the back porch.

And honestly Bellamy feels like laughing, because never has an empty house felt less sexy than right now.

He follows her out the back and pauses for a moment as he always does. He loves it out here it’s his favourite part of the house. Nothing in the distance except hills, cows and the occasional oil pump. Its just Texas as far as the eye can see and it’s a constant. Whenever anything in his life is shitty, and it quite often is, this view is always here.

He sits next to Gina on the porch swing. It’s seen better days, but he still loves it. He remembers when he came home and found Octavia and Clarke trying to put it up as a surprise. Of course it fell down almost instantly and they had to get Jake Griffin to come and fix it properly. It’s like a memory from another life. And he shakes his head to clear it, taking a sip of his beer when Gina speaks.

“She didn't see me, I just saw her from across the street... she’s beautiful.”

When he doesn’t say anything she adds, “Clarke.”

“Uh, yeah, I guess.”

Gina rolls her eyes beside him, which he suspects he deserves but he’s not trying to be difficult it’s just that it’s Clarke. He knows she’s gorgeous of course but he always knew there were more attractive women, Raven, hell even his sister is more striking but it was never just about looks with Clarke. She was just Clarke.

“She’s the absolute opposite of me.” Gina says quietly after a while and Bellamy turns to look at her, because jealousy is something he wasn’t even sure she was capable of.

She continues not meeting his gaze, “she’s all small and blonde and soft curves, and I’m all sharp angles and dark hair.”

“You’re not sharp angles.” He says, kissing her shoulder, “you are gorgeous. I love your brown eyes, your long legs, I love everything about you. You know that right?”

“Yeah, and I’m not doubting that.”

“It kinda sounds like you are G.”

Bellamy puts his beer down and takes Gina’s face in his hands kissing her with everything he can, trying to show her what she won’t take from his words.

She breaks the kiss eventually but smiles at him as she does. It’s not a dismissal but he can see that things still aren’t right.

“Talk to me, please.”

“It’s stupid.” Is all she says twirling her engagement ring on her finger, a giveaway that she is nervous.

“Hey, you’re marrying me. I already know you’re not the smartest.” Bellamy teases, nudging her shoulder with his.

“It’s about that actually.”

Bellamy looks questioningly at her.

“I know you love me, and I know you asked me to marry you but… if she was an option… if Clarke hadn’t gone, if she was a factor, would we be even be having this conversation.”

“That’s not even. Hell, I probably wouldn’t have met you G. You can’t compare those things. If Clarke hadn’t gone I don’t know what my life would look like.”

“That’s fair. Ok, if she came back, for good, and told you she loved you. And you had the choice between a life with me and a life with her, what would you do?”

“That’s ridiculous. Clarke left, she doesn’t feel like that about me.” Bellamy stands up and paces the porch.

“It wouldn’t… for god’s sake you’re just looking for problems where there are none. It’s just so unlikely. She doesn’t love me anymore. You’ve seen Clarke, from a distance, once and now decide that I’m going to run off with her, where’s the trust – hey?”

He’s mad that Gina can’t see how ridiculous this is. But when he leans against the porch railing opposite her to tell her that she just looks at him sadly.

“You’ve ranted and raved about how crazy that is, how Clarke doesn’t love you and it’s not like that. But not once in any of that did you say you’d choose me.”

Bellamy doesn’t know what to say to that, because it’s true. He didn’t say he’d choose her, and if he says it now it will feel like he’s saying it because he has to.

Gina stands, “I’m going out.”

At the back door she turns to him, “Ever since she came back you’ve been erratic and it’s kinda scary, you’ve turned from the dependable man that I know to a shadow version of you. I know it was a shock but what are you going to be like when she leaves again, or if she doesn’t?”

He doesn’t say anything to that because he doesn’t know what to say, but when she walks into the house he follows because he doesn’t want to lose her, doesn’t want her to think he doesn’t care.

“Gina, I love you.”

“I know you love me Bellamy. It’s just that I think you still love her too.”

He slumps down into a kitchen chair when she leaves and that’s where Lincoln and Octavia find him hours later. Sitting in the kitchen with no Gina.

 

Clarke is not a fan of big gala events she’d been dragged to enough of them as a kid and mostly they’re women with big hair and men with state rings cooing about how adorable she is while writing big cheques. But this is different. Not just because it’s been years, but because it’s a policeman’s honour ball, and it’s for her dad.

“I think they might kinda like you, you know,” Clarke teases her dad as they walk into the ballroom of the only decent hotel in a 40 mile radius and see it decked out in police colours.

Clarke is on one side in the royal blue dress she tried earlier, while her dad in his formal uniform is in the middle, and her mother looking striking in a green shift dress completes the trio on the other side.

“Very funny,” Jake smiles back.

“She’s right. I didn’t even tell them to do the banner.” Abby laughs.

“No but you did tell them we couldn’t have this celebration in Arkadia, hence Polis.” Jake replies.

Abby’s response is lost as the rest of the guest notice Jake’s arrival and burst into spontaneous applause.

Clarke loses her parents almost instantly as they are swept into the crowd of well-wishers. She is making her way to the bar when Monty steps in front of her looking very dashing in a suit and hands her a glass of champagne.

“You picking up some bar work?” Clarke teases.

“Ha, very funny. No, we saw you come in and I wanted to say hi… and give you a heads up that Octavia is here.”

“Thanks Monty, but with all the weapons in this room I’m sure I’ll be fine. Are you here with Miller?”

“He is indeed,” Miller replies having picked up on the tail end of the conversation.

Miller looks incredible handsome, if a little nervous, in his dress uniform and Clarke can’t help but feel sorry for him. As Bellamy’s best friend he’s in a hell of an awkward position.

So she smiles at him, but also takes her leave citing the need to mingle, which is mostly true.

She bumps into Coach Kane first who gently chastises her for winding his team up yesterday, then they are joined by Thelonious Jaha. After the two men have said their hellos, Clarke hugs Jaha and asks, “Mr Jaha, how are you?”

“Well thank you Clarke, and yourself?”

“Very well thank you. I spoke to Wells last week, he said he might have some leave soon.”

“Yes, hopefully. I know the military is a full-time job but I do miss my son.”

“He tells me you’re still doing sixty hours a week at the firm. Not thinking of retiring like my pops?” Clarke teases.

“One day maybe, I like the law still. When that day ends, I shall grab my fishing rod and you won’t see me for dust,” Jaha jokes.

“That seems unlikely,” Marcus laughs.

The two men gently tease each other as Clarke excuses herself and heads towards Monty and Miller, stopping via the bar on the way. Her little detour means that she arrives to talk to the boys at the exact same time as Octavia and the man from the coffee shop, who is also wearing formal police blues.

There is a long moment where the five of them all awkwardly look each other before Monty, ever the diplomat says:

“Clarke, do you know Lincoln he works with Miller and is dating Octavia.”

“Uh, no, we haven’t officially met,” Clarke says.

“Clarke Griffin, as in Sheriff Griffin’s daughter?” Lincoln asks giving Octavia a look.

“The one in the same.”

There is silence in the group again, although Clarke can tell Octavia is desperate to say her piece, but Clarke speaks again.

“Look it’s my dad’s night and I really don’t want any trouble, so if you’ll excuse me.”

Clarke is turning to leave when she bumps directly into Jake.

“Careful darling.” He says turning her back to the group.

“Hey y’all. I realised I had yet to speak to my favourite delinquents.” Jake says to the group with a smile.

“Hmm, without Jasper and Raven I’m not sure that name applies,” Octavia smiles.

“Oh, I don’t know little Blake, it sounds like you’ve been making quite the impression recently. You’re not about to hit my daughter again are you?”

Octavia has the grace to look sheepish, while Clarke wishes the ground would swallow her up.

“Because I know from all those self defence classes you took with me you have quite the right hook.” It’s the right balance of acknowledgement and chastisement that her dad always manages.

“No more hitting, I promise.” Octavia says.

“Excellent. Monty, I wanted to pick your brain on some new systems that we’ve been talking about at the station…”

Clarke tunes out most of the conversation, struck by the realisation that her dad knows these people. He knows their lives and hobbies. But it’s the little Blake nickname she can’t shift, because that was the nickname he used to use for Octavia, back when Clarke was still in high school and it means her dad kept in with the Blake’s, that he didn’t stop caring because she left.

After talking a bit more with the group, making sure to include everyone in the conversation, Jake takes his leave, but not before getting a hug and mumbled apology from Octavia.

There is an awkward silence again, broken only when the drinks server comes by and Monty, Clarke and Octavia grab for a glass each.

“None for you, O.” Lincoln says taking her glass for himself, before she can protest he says, “you’re 19 and literally in a room full of cops.”

That brings an awkward laugh from the group.

“I won’t hit you again.” Octavia says looking at Clarke. “I don’t like what you did, or how you did it, but I’ve been told it’s none of my business and so I’ll stay out of it.”

Clarke smiles her thanks.

“Plus Sheriff G is a legend and I’d hate for him and Bell to both be pissed at me,” she adds with a shrug.

That gets a laugh from Monty and Miller before Miller says to Clarke, “he is a legend you know. When my dad found out I was gay he told me the police wouldn’t accept it, he'd had enough problems just being black, but your dad always made sure Monty was invited to things. He never let it be an issue, so no one else did.”

Clarke hadn’t heard that before but isn’t surprised, she knows her dad is one of the good guys, she’s more surprised that Miller is volunteering the information.

“He’s right you know.” Lincoln begins. “When I moved to Arkadia all most people saw was a troubled guy with loads of tattoos but not your dad, he helped me out. Told me that I could do anything. He’s the reason I joined the force.”

Clarke doesn’t trust herself to speak so just smiles at them all, while Monty pulls her in for a one-armed hug.

The moment is broken by the burst of a microphone as Superintendent Wallace gets up on the stage under the banner that says, “Thank you for your service” and proceeds to talk about the impact that Sheriff Jake Griffin has had on the people of Arkadia. And Clarke knows that the words are more than empty platitudes because her friends, kind of friends, have already told her as much.

 

Clarke is waiting in the lobby for her parents when she sees Octavia and Lincoln again. Lincoln goes to get their coats as Octavia walks over to Clarke with a frown.

“I’m not sorry for hitting you. He’s my brother and I’d fight anyone who hurts him, even if it’s you.”

“I know.” And Clarke means it.

“You look so beautiful tonight Octavia, like those goddesses that Bellamy used to tell you stories about. And I know I don’t have the right to say that to you, or anything really, but he must be so proud of you and the woman you’ve grown up to and well, I’m sorry I wasn’t around to see it.”

Octavia looks momentarily stunned, and then sceptical, “How drunk are you?”

“Not drunk, had a couple of drinks honestly,” She adds to Octavia’s questioning look. “I just, Raven gave me a bit of a talking to this morning and I realised that I’ve been so busy thinking about how hard it would be for me to be back, that I haven’t thought about anyone else. Including you.”

Octavia softens slightly at that but there is still a distance between the two of them.

“Night Clarke.” Lincoln says handing Octavia her coat. Octavia doesn’t say anything, and Clarke wasn’t really expecting her too, she also wasn’t expecting the small smile that Octavia throws back over her shoulder as they leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... thoughts? I know there wasn't much action in this chapter, but in this world Clarke has only been back for three days and, well, these things take time. 
> 
> Next chapter will be up next Thursday.


	4. THURSDAY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've made it to Thursday!
> 
> Again, no actual proper Bellarke scenes, sorry, but again, as always, it's all about those two dumb kids anyway.

THURSDAY

 

“Remind me again why I’m doing this?” Clarke grumbled.  
  
“Because you’re my friend.”  
  
“Yeah, friend who usually drinks with you at lunchtime, not does a yoga class hosted by John Murphy.”  
  
Raven snorts at that.  
  
“Look it surprised me too. But the moron of our youth actually turned out to be very zen. Plus it helps with my leg.”  
  
“Fine.” Clarke huffed, but then touched Raven’s arm lightly.  
  
They didn’t talk about it much, and to be honest most of the time Clarke forgot about Raven’s leg. She was just as capable as the rest of them, often more, and she managed so well that Clarke forgot it was an issue. But she felt guilty, after all it wasn’t something Raven could forget.  
  
“Is it bad?” She asked.  
  
“No more than usual. Truly this class with Murphy actually helps.” Raven replied as they walked into the studio  
  
Clarke tried to concentrate on the class but the sight of Murphy was too much. If anyone had asked her what he had been up to since school she would have said drug dealer, if he wasn’t in jail. She certainly wouldn’t have pegged him as a yoga teacher with an actual man bun.  
  
The class finished and Murphy came over to say hi.  
  
“Griffin, heard you were back.” He drawled.  
  
“Just for the week.”  
  
“Long enough to fuck things up then ghost again, nice.”  
  
Clarke was momentarily speechless, but soon bit back, “you’re a yoga teacher, aren’t you meant to be all zen and shit.”  
  
“Yeah zen, but I’m not Buddha. I still call it how I see it.”  
  
Clarke looked at Raven who was grinning.  
  
“Right. I have another class. Namaste bitches.” Murphy said walking them towards the door.  
  
When the girls were outside Clarke spluttered, “what the fuck was that.”  
  
“Murphy.” Raven shrugged.  
  
They looked at each other for a second and then suddenly they were laughing, doubled over in tears. When they finally pulled themselves together Clarke offered to walk with Raven to check on her car.  
  
“It’s like a thousand degrees.” Clarke complained, as they walked down the street, “why did my dad have to retire in August.”  
  
“D.C has made you soft.”  
  
“Ha, says the woman who came to visit me in winter and refused to leave my apartment.”  
  
Raven responds by sticking her tongue out.  
  
“Real mature.”  
  
“If Wick has not fixed my car I will murder him.” Raven says as they arrive at the garage.  
  
Clarke just rolls her eyes and pulls her hair off the back of her neck. She wonders if maybe Raven had a point, maybe DC was making her soft. It felt like a 1000 degrees.  
  
“If he doesn’t have ac in there, I’ll kill him.”  
  
“It’s an auto shop Clarke, of course he doesn’t have ac. But he does have an industrial sized fan. Come on.” Raven says pulling Clarke by the arm into the garage where they walk straight into Wick and someone else leaving.  
  
“Oh God, sorry.” Clarke says, looking up and coming face to face with a very shocked Bellamy.  
  
“Uh no worries.”  
  
Clarke doesn’t have time to say anything else because she suddenly notices a brunette holding his hand.  
  
Everyone seems to realise the awkwardness at the same time.  
  
“Reyes, to what do I owe the honour.” Wick teases.  
  
Clarke wasn’t sure if he was genuinely oblivious to the tension or just trying to help.  
  
“Uh, hi.” She mumbled looking at Bellamy and the woman with him.  
  
“Uh, Clarke this is Gina, Gina this is Clarke.” Bellamy said, dropping Gina’s hand rubbing the back of his neck and avoiding looking at the two women. It was a move that doesn’t go unnoticed by either of them and Clarke assumes that he was also wishing the ground would swallow them all up.  
  
There was a tense silence before Gina says, “well, this is fucking awkward.”  
  
It was the right thing to say to break the spell. Raven snorts out a laugh, Clarke smiles and even Bellamy half laughs, half huffs in response.  
  
“Yep. It is. And that’s why I’m going to yell at Wick over there.” Raven says grabbing Wick and pushing him towards her car. She throws Clarke a glance over her shoulder checking she was ok, and Clarke responds with a tiny nod.  
  
“I guess it’s good that we’re meeting uncomfortably for the first time at Wick’s crappy shop rather than at my dad’s party. Abby Griffin does not take well to tension or uncomfortable silences at her parties.” Clarke says.  
  
“I believe that. I saw her practically reduce headmaster Sydney to tears last semester.” Gina replies.  
  
“Oh that’s nothing, she actually did make Coach Kane cry once when she said he didn’t need another equipment truck and instead she put the booster funds towards the girls soccer team.” Both Clarke and Gina laugh and Clarke thinks maybe it wasn’t so bad. Maybe they could do this?  
  
But then Bellamy spoke, and it was instantly weird again.  
  
“We should get going. We needed a part for the tractor off Wick and he didn’t have it so we’ll have to head over to Pike and Sons.”  
  
“God, does that place still exist.” Clarke starts without thinking, “Do you remember that summer that Raven decided to get a part time job there and we decided to...”  
  
Clarke trails off awkwardly suddenly remembering that that story ended up with her and Bellamy hooking up in his truck after a particularly successful prank that had got them both worked up. She could tell by the blush that was colouring the top of his ears that he remembered too.  
  
“Actually, it’s a long dull story, and I don’t want to keep you. Especially in this heat.” Clarke tries to cover. “It was nice to meet you Gina.”  
  
“You too. Good to put a face to a name.” Gina says politely although she’s clearly not convinced by Clarke’s cover story.  
  
“See you Saturday.” Clarke waves, stepping back into the auto shop to go and find Raven.  
  
  
Bellamy and Gina walk out to the street heading to the other side of the road where he’d parked the truck. He’s trying to think of something not awkward to say about what just happened when Gina pauses.  
  
“I’ll meet you in the car, ok? I just need to do something.”  
  
Before he can even speak she has turned back towards the auto shop.  
  
Clarke is talking to Raven about how fucking awkward it was when she sees Gina walking towards them. She can’t help but notice how put together Gina looks in jean shorts, a white tee and white converse, with long tanned legs and hair that looks like it hasn’t even noticed the humidity outside. She also can’t help but compare it to how she is currently looking wearing sweaty workout gear with her hair piled on top of her head.  
  
“If you’re looking for Wick he’s cowering in the office.” Raven smirks.  
  
“Uh, actually I wanted to speak to Clarke.”  
  
“Sure. I’ll go annoy Wick some more.”  
  
Clarke is trying to keep her face neutral but is doesn’t think its working because Gina says, “don’t worry. I’m not here to have a go at you.”  
  
“Or slap you.” She adds as an afterthought.  
  
“Well that’s something.”  
  
“I wanted to see if you wanted to get a coffee or something. I know it’s weird but this is a small town and it’s not going to get less weird if we don’t speak. I know your friends, your family and I know you’re only visiting but it feels odd that I know all these things about you but have never properly spoken to you, you know.” Gina says in a rush.  
  
Clarke does know, and admires that Gina had the balls to say all of that.  
  
“Bellamy won’t like it.” Clarke replies.  
  
“Is that a yes?”

Clarke pauses. She knows the sensible thing to do is to say no, but if she honest with herself she’s curious, and she thinks she could like Gina.

  
“Ah what the hell. But let’s make it a proper drink, that way if the strangeness of it all is overwhelming we can at least have alcohol to numb the pain.”  
  
Gina laughs. “Great, tonight? The Ark?”  
  
“Sure. 7.30?”  
  
“It’s a date.”  
  
Both girls laugh because honestly it’s the furthest thing from the truth but it makes sense in a way too.

 

Bellamy is tapping his fingers anxiously on the steering wheel when Gina gets in the car. He glances over at her but she just ignores his questioning gaze.

The whole morning has been tense since their discussion last night and Bellamy knows he’s not going to get anywhere by pushing it right now, so he just starts the car up and pulls out of his space letting the drone of the radio fill the void.  
  
The ride over to Pike and Sons is tense, silent, and hot, but he doesn’t know what to say that wouldn’t be completely inane, so he says nothing.  
  
Eventually, when they’re almost there Gina breaks the silence, “I’m going for a drink with Clarke tonight.”   
  
“I’m sorry, what?” He replies, his hands gripping the wheel as he turns to look at her.   
  
“Clarke, you know the girl we just bumped in to.” She snarks.  
  
Bellamy opens and closes his mouth a few times but no sound comes out, it is taking all of his concentration to keep them on the road right now and he’s never been more thankful to see Pike’s giant store in his life.   
  
“Why?” he eventually manages, “are you trying to fuck with me. Or her?”  
  
“No,” she sighs. “I want to know more about her.”

He doesn’t have anything to say to that, doesn’t trust himself to say anything so he doesn’t, just pulls the truck into the first parking space he sees and turns the engine off.

The heat fills the car instantly, but Bellamy can’t bring himself to be bothered, instead he turns in his seat to look at Gina.

“What’s going on?”

“Honestly?” she huffs, “I’m not sure. All I know is that she was, is, a huge part of your life and I’m sick of being on the back foot with all of this. I feel like I’m going mad Bell, jumping at blonde girls in the street and looking for hidden meaning in your words… and that’s not me.”

“I told you, there’s nothing to worry about,” he sighs.

“I know you did. And I want to believe you… but, she was there and she seems nice, and I guess I want to see for myself.”

“I don’t like it.”

“We didn’t think you would,” she laughs.

“I don’t like that either,” he tells her, meaning the way Clarke and Gina have become a ‘we’ suddenly.

“But I won’t stop it.”

“You couldn’t if you wanted to.” She says leaning over and kissing his cheek before getting out of the truck.

He knows she’s right, he can’t stop it, but he can’t help think it’s a really terrible idea that’s only going to make things worse.

 

Clarke is at home helping her mum decide where to put the tables for Saturday’s party, a job that mostly consists of agreeing with her mom when asked for an opinion.

She is managing to take refuge in the shade with some ice tea though and it’s taking her mind off her plan to meet up with Gina later, so it’s not all bad.

She is watching her mom order the guys to take the table back across the lawn to where it was originally when her phone starts buzzing.

**[Wells J] 15.46** Are you going on a date with Bellamy’s fiancée?

**[Wells J] 15.46** Shit, did you know she was his fiancée?

**[Wells J] 15.46** And if you did why are you hanging out with her?

**[Wells J] 15.47** Are you ok?

 

Clarke can’t help but laugh to herself as she sees all the notifications come through.

 

**[CG] 15.47** How do you know all this?

**[CG] 15.47** It only happened a few hours ago

**[CG] 15.47** And last I checked you are in different time zone

**[CG] 15.47** Not to mention an actual war zone

She sees the ticks turn blue on her whatsapp and sees him typing.

**[Wells J] 15.48** How many times do I have to tell you guys that I am not in a war zone, it’s technically a disputed territory

Clarke laughs. Annoyed Army Wells is her favourite version of him.

**[Wells J] 15.48** Anyway… of course I know, just because I’m not there doesn’t mean I don’t have spies everywhere

**[CG] 15.49** Raven?

**[Wells J] 15.49** Monty actually

**[CG] 15.49** How does Monty know?

**[CG] 15.49** Never mind, I think I can work that out

**[Wells J] 15.49** So it’s true then?

**[Wells J] 15.49** You’re hanging out with the gf

**[CG] 15.49** Technically she’s his fiancée and we’re not hanging out, just going for a drink. Raven’s gonna join after an hour so its not weird.

**[Wells J] 15.50** It’s still weird

**[CG] 15.50** Yeah, I know… but it was weirder trying to pretend she didn’t exist

**[CG] 15.50** Which, given that I only found out about her on Monday shouldn’t have been strange.

**[CG] 15.50** I assume you knew!?!?

**[CG] 15.50** Thanks for that btw

**_15.50 Wells is typing…_ **

**_15.51 Wells is typing…_ **

**[Wells J] 15.52** Didn’t know how to tell you, soz

**[Wells J] 15.52** Plus, cut me some slack, I’m in a warzone!

**[CG] 15.52** Lol

**[CG] 15.52** Disputed territory, actually

**[Wells J] 15.52** *rolleyes

**[CG] 15.53** I miss you

**[CG] 15.53** Wish you were coming back for Griffin retirement hoopla

**[Wells J] 15.53** Me too

**[Wells J] 15.53** But do you want to Skype on Sunday?

**[Wells J] 15.53** You can give me all the party gossip

**[CG] 15.54** It’s a plan

**[CG] 15.54** Stay safe soldier

**[Wells J] 15.54** Right back atcha

**[Wells J] 15.54** Try not to kill the gf

Clarke snorts at Wells’ final message but she can’t help but feel a bit lighter. When she’d told Raven she was going to for a drink with Gina, Raven had looked at her like she was crazy then offered to come as a referee. And maybe she was crazy, the ex and the fiancée hanging out didn’t sound like the best plan, but Gina had asked, and she was curious, so she was going.

 

Octavia finds Bellamy on the back paddock, which is the furthest field they own. She wasn’t looking for him, and if she had been she wouldn’t have been looking there, but she’d decided to take one of the horses out for a workout when she saw his familiar frame.

Bellamy hears her approaching and waves as she rides over to him jumping down and tying Zeus, her horse, up to the fence.

“Hey big brother. What’ya doing?”

“Checking the back fences, it needed to be done.” He replies not quite meeting her eye.

“Sure.”

She doesn’t mention that he checked the fences less than a month ago or that she knows that six months ago Lincoln helped him put up brand new fence panels along most of the boundary. Instead she takes a proper look at him, in his dark work jeans and practically threadbare t-shirt and sees how tired he looks. She thinks he’s aged about 10 years in the past three days but won’t say it of course.

She goes over and leans next to him on the fence.

“Everything the light touches.” She says nudging his shoulder.

They both laugh. It’s an old joke from when they first moved to the farm with their mom and Octavia had been obsessed with The Lion King. Of course, if they’d known that Aurora would die less than a year after Bellamy’s accident it might not have been such a beloved film.

“I saw Clarke last night.” Octavia says after a while.

“Please tell me you didn’t hit her again.” Bellamy sighs in response, “Because my life is weird enough right now.”

“No, I was perfectly pleasant. In fact…” Octavia pauses, not sure if she should go on.

“In fact…”

“It was almost nice. She told me I looked beautiful, like one of the goddesses in your stories.” She says almost sheepishly.

“Probably because you did.”

“Or because she was scared I’d kick her ass again.”

The lapse into an easy silence and it’s one Octavia doesn’t want to break, but she wants to know her brother is ok and, if she’s honest with herself, she wants to know what happened.

“I’m gonna ask you something, and you don’t have to tell me, but I’ve gotta ask. Ok?”

He nods.

“Do you know why Clarke broke up with you?”

Bellamy lets out a breath in a whoosh, “Jeez O, start with the easy ones why don’t you.”

“Sorry. I just, I was so young when it happened, and well, I’ve always wondered.”

“I get that.”

He’s quiet for a long time and Octavia thinks that’s probably it. That he won’t answer, and she doesn’t blame him. Clarke is not someone they’ve talked about much since she left, except for these past few days.

“She said that we were in different places, that we weren’t the same people anymore,” he begins. “And she was right. I’d just lost my scholarship, my chance at going pro. I got it.”

“Hmmmm.”

“What? I know that sound O. What are you thinking?”

“Honestly?” she asks turning to look at him.

“Of course.”

“That doesn’t sound like Clarke. Not the Clarke we knew then. She didn’t care about your scholarship, or football, except that it got you into a school you were excited by. She wasn’t bothered by all that stuff.”

Octavia doesn’t add that Clarke didn’t need to be bothered by the promise of wealth and success because it’s what she already had, but both siblings can pick up on the unsaid.

“You didn’t see her in the hospital Bell, I did. When she thought you’d died, when she heard about your leg, she never cared about that stuff. Only you. It doesn’t make sense.”

“People change. I was angry after the accident and we were both grieving. Maybe she’d just had enough.”

“Maybe.” Octavia says. But she doesn’t believe it.

She drops it and changes the subject because she’s not as oblivious, or harsh, as people think she is.

“Lincoln’s making his famous chili for dinner tonight.”

“Cool. It’s only the three of us. Gina’s going out with Clarke.”

There is a split second pause when Bellamy looks over at his sister and sees the shock and confusion roll across her face.

“Wait! What the fuck!” she splutters.

“Told you my life was weird right now,” he laughs as he puts his arm around her.

 

Clarke arrives at The Ark fifteen minutes early. She’d been too worked up to hang around the house any longer, she’d already changed her outfit three times – settling on a sundress with white sneakers, cute but not too try-hard – and she didn’t think she could make any more small talk with her parents. So she figured she’d just head to the bar, get a drink and wait. She had her sketchbook just in case.

Murphy is behind the bar when she walks in, which would normally make sense if she hadn’t seen him at a yoga studio less than 12 hours earlier.

“Griffin. Twice in one day, lucky me.”

“You work here?”

“Apparently so, considering I’m on this side of the bar,” he smirks.

“But you teach yoga.”

“Those two things are not mutually exclusive. I also run a themed supper club in Polis once a month.”

Clarke huffs in response, because really what else can you say.

“Hey, I’m just a humble guy making my way in the big bad world,” he drawls, as she rolls her eyes.

“Anyway, what can I get ya?” he asks.

“Whisky and ginger please,”

“Sure thing.”

Clarke is rummaging in her purse when she hears the door open and sees Murphy glance up, then at her, with a look in his eye.

“Oh this should be fun,” She hears him mutter.

She assumes it’s Gina, but swings round to check, to be sure. She sees Gina walking towards her, she’s wearing a sundress too but with cowboy boots, because Texas. Clarke can’t help but smile, she doesn’t know when she last wore cowboy boots.

“Hey.” Gina says coming up to Clarke at the bar

“Hey.”

Murphy looks slightly confused but it’s only for a moment before he’s looking calculating.

“Gina this is Clarke, Bellamy’s ex. Clarke this is Gina, Bellamy’s fiancée.” He smirks.

“We know” Clarke says rolling her eyes, “what are you drinking?” she asks Gina.

“What’s that?” Gina asks pointing at Clarke’s drink.

“Whisky and ginger.”

“I’ll have the same.” Gina tells Murphy.

“I’ll get these. Do you wanna grab a table?” Clarke says to Gina.

“Sure. I’ll get the next round.”

 

Clarke carries the drinks over to the table that Gina found. It’s a booth near the window towards the back, good for people watching if it all gets too strange, not too obvious to be spotted.

“I don’t think I have ever seen Murphy speechless.” Clarke says as she puts the drinks down and slides into the booth.

Gina laughs, “cheers.”

They clink glasses and drink.

“No seriously. I’ve known that kid forever and he’s always had an answer for everything,” Clarke continues.

“Yeah, I do his Saturday yoga class, which is great, but everyone is always so shocked every time I say nice things about him.”

“He’s kinda the devil… or was I guess. The yoga thing threw me, seeing him in a bar makes much more sense.”

“Bell said that he went to Thailand and found himself apparently. He moved back to town about a month after I came here and everyone spent a month after that looking at him like he was tricking them.”

Clarke stumbles on hearing the nickname from Gina, but she covers it by taking another sip of her drink. Or thinks she covers it.

“It’s weird isn’t it? This.” Gina clarifies.

“Yeah, but we knew it would be.”

“We did.”

“So,” Clarke says after a beat, “You came to town just before Murphy got back, when was that?”

“Three years ago nearly. I’m from Seattle originally, but there was an opening for a Kindergarten teacher and I fancied a change.”

“So you moved to a small town in the middle of nowhere West Texas.” Clarke smiles, pulling a face to say ‘are you crazy’.

“Yep,” Gina smiles popping the p.

There’s silence again.

“Shall we just get the worst of it out of the way?” Gina says, her face serious.

Clarke isn’t sure what she means until she speaks again.

“I moved here three years ago, started going out with Bellamy about 18 months ago. Moved in six months ago. He asked me to marry him six weeks ago.”

“Oh.”

“I knew about you in the abstract way that you learn about peoples ex’s when you start dating them, and I knew he was weird around your parents but Octavia loves your dad so I thought maybe it was just a Bellamy thing. But I didn’t find out the whole story until you turned up this week.” After a pause Gina says, “well, his version of the whole story, anyway.”

“Ok.”

Clarke fiddles with her drink and tries not to watch Gina spin her engagement ring around nervously.

“I’m normally better with words,” Clarke offers eventually, “In fact I’m all about the words usually, always have been… I just don’t quite know what to say. You’re right this is weird.”

“For both of us.”

“For both of us.” Clarke agrees.

“Do you want to tell me your side?” Gina asks.

“There’s not much to tell. Not really.”

Clarke plays with her glass, drawing patterns on the condensation that runs on the side.

“Is this a trick?” she asks looking up at Gina suddenly angry.

“Huh? A trick?”

“Yeah. Are you trying to trick me into saying something that will implicate Bellamy in some way, or trying to make me say something that will cause drama?”

“Is that really what you think?”

Both girls are staring at each other now, not with malice but with cold looks on their faces.

“Honestly, until three days ago I didn’t know you existed. I know nothing about you. So I’m kinda flying blind.” Clarke says roughly.

“I could say the same. I knew you existed, but I didn’t know you were you. And since you’ve been here my very normal, kinda boring, but mostly wonderful life has been turned inside out. So yeah, I’m curious but it’s not a trick and there is no ulterior motive.” Gina fires back.

The two women look at each other, neither willing to back down. But Clarke gives first, because she’s tired of fighting with people.

“What makes you think my version will be different to his?” she asks.

“Because no two people are the same.”

“What if you don’t like what you hear?” Clarke asks.

“I don’t like any of this,” Gina says with a hollow laugh. “But I believe in fairness, so if you want to tell me your version, I’ll listen.”

“Ok.”

“Ok… I might get us more drinks first though,” Gina says.

Clarke nods. When Gina comes back with the drinks, she starts speaking, not looking at Gina but drawing patterns on the table.

“The Blakes moved to town when I was 10, Bellamy was 11, I think Octavia was about 4 or 5. They moved out to the farm, which was hilarious because it was obvious they knew nothing about farming but Aurora apparently got a good deal on the land. Anyway I didn’t pay much attention to him then, but he was good at football. So good, even then. And in a town like this… it gets you things.” Clarke shrugs, it’s awkward but true. Football opens doors in Texas.

She looks up at Gina who nods, and she continues.

“Coach Kane is my godfather. Wells, my best friend who’s in the army, played football, so I was always around it. You’ve met my mother, she’s like the booster to end all boosters. I had a cheerleading uniform before I knew what cheerleading was,” Clarke laughs.

“I know this might all seem irrelevant, but it’s not. What I’m trying to say is Bellamy and I, our paths were always going to cross. It was inevitable, particularly in a town like this. But when they did, well we didn’t want it to happen. Fought against it for months. When it did happen I felt like such a fucking cliché, you know. The blonde cheerleader with the star running back.”

Clarke rolls her eyes and smiles at Gina who, to her credit, smiles back.

“But I liked him. We liked each other. So we started dating when I was 16. When he got his scholarship to A&M, we knew it would be tough, not being in the same place but we made that first year work. Then I went to Georgetown and we just argued all the time. His life was football, football, football. Mine was pre-med electives, trying to fit in with my Texas twang on the East Coast and it was hard.”

“I know I sound like a poor little rich kid, but I want you to know my side of things. That’s what you wanted, right?” Clarke says suddenly feeling defensive.

Gina nods, not trusting her voice.

“Well, that Christmas was going to be the first proper time we were spending together, that we’d all be together in months. Harper was coming home. Monty was here. Wells even thought he might get a few days off from Westpoint, it was like fate you know, a chance to all be together... To put everything back on track.”

Clarke pauses and takes a sip of her drink, looking out at the window. She doesn’t tell this story often, most people she knows already know it. The last person she told was Roan, and it was years ago.

Clarke starts speaking again, her voice strained, “I came down the night before Harper but I didn’t see Bellamy. It wasn’t that unusual, we’d been distant for a while, plus I had a family dinner and he had stuff to do the next day, including picking up Harper, so we just planned to see each other the next night. But then… I assume you know about the accident.”

Gina nods, “yeah, Bellamy told me. But I’d heard about it before that to be honest. One of the other teachers at school told me.”

“Yeah, it was kind of a huge thing. It affected so many people, and of course, even the people in town that didn’t know us, knew of Bellamy, so…”

“I get that.”

“My dad was first on the scene. Did you know?”

Gina shakes her head.

“Technically the accident happened outside town lines but it was still part of the County and our house is closer to that side of town, so when dad got the call he went straight there.”

“Jeez, I can’t imagine.”

“Harper died on impact.” Clarke’s voice is detached now, her medical training kicking in as she tells the facts, “but Bellamy suffered a collapsed lung, massive internal bleeding as well as fractures to the right side of his body. Including his knee.”

Gina is nodding she knows this part.

“We thought he was going to die. They operated through the night and the waiting room just filled up with people, I can still remember it. His mom. Octavia. The team, our friends, parents. Everyone was home for Christmas so everyone came. Small towns can be really shit, and claustrophobic but my God, that night it was like nothing else, everyone was there for him.”

“Anyway,” Clarke says shaking her head as if that will make the memories evaporate, “he pulled through but it was tough. Five months to get him back on his feet, but things had changed, we, uhh, we weren’t the same, and I couldn’t stay here.”

“So you left.”

“So I left. This town was just reminders of everything that was bad in my life, so I left. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to make a clean break if I kept in contact with him, so I didn’t… I deleted everyone, everything, except my parents and left.”

“And that’s it. I moved my life up to D.C.” Clarke shrugs looking at Gina. “That’s my version.”

“Here’s what I don’t get, and you don’t have to answer, but did you really think you’d never see them again? Not just Bellamy, but Raven, Monty, everyone.”

Clarke thinks about not answering but instead considers it for a minute, then says:

“Yeah. I did. I know this will sound like a cop out, but there was so much going on, so much in my head that I wasn’t thinking straight. I thought distance was the issue, not my grief, or anything else.”

“But you speak to the others right? It’s only Bellamy that you don’t speak to.”

“Uh, yeah, and Octavia kind of by omission.”

“Why?”

“I’m… I… I can’t answer that. Not to you. It’s too strange.”

“I understand that.”

They’re silent again for a while, before Gina speaks.

“And now you’re back.”

“For a week.” Clarke interrupts.

“For a week,” Gina concedes, “And speaking to Bellamy again.”

“We’re hardly pals,” Clarke scoffs but Gina just ignores her and continues,

“So do you want to be part of his life, part of life back here?”

“Are you asking me because you’re worried about your relationship or because you’re genuinely interested?” Clarke snaps.

“Both.” Gina says defiantly, looking at Clarke.

“I miss it here, I do. But then I think of my life in D.C, and I have friends there, a life. I’m not the Sheriff’s daughter or the tragic ex of the football star. I’m just almost Dr Griffin, and it’s easy. And I like you, I can see why Bellamy loves you but I don’t think I could be around you both, not because of any feelings I do or don’t have but because the town will always pit us against each other, and eventually we’d believe it.”

It’s not the whole truth but it’s as much as Clarke wants to tell and she thinks it’s enough.

“Does that make sense?” she asks Gina hesitantly.

“Yeah.”

“I think in another life you and I might have been friends Clarke Griffin.” Gina says sadly.

“In another life, maybe. But I’d settle for not enemies now.” Clarke says kindly, and means it.

“To not enemies.” Gina says raising her glass and they clink the, now almost empty, tumblers.

“So, I think we have covered all of the your ex/my fiancée chat, I could ever need.” Gina laughs, “is there anything else you want to know from me?”

Clarke shakes her head, the less she knows about Gina and Bellamy the better it is for her mental health.

“Nope. Do you have to be anywhere or do you want another drink?” Clarke asks, “I think Raven should be here soon.”

“Another drink would be great.” Gina smiles as Clarke heads to the bar.

When she returns, placing the drinks on the table Gina says, “I wasn’t snooping but I think I heard your phone go off.

“Oh it’s probably Raven.” Clarke says, grabbing her phone from her bag. “Yep, she’ll be here in ten.”

Clarke leaves her phone face up on the table and notices Gina looking at her screensaver.

“Boyfriend?” Gina asks smiling, then suddenly catches herself, “sorry, that’s weird and none of my business.”

“Hah, I think we’re past those kind of formalities,” Clarke smiles, “but no not boyfriend. That’s Roan, former acquaintance and now reluctant friend, on his part I think, and sometime mine because he drives me mad.”

Gina smiles, “he’s cute.”

“He’s Roan.” Clarke shrugs, “But he did introduce me to my ex Lexa, so not all bad.”

“Oh.”

“Guessing you haven’t met that many bisexual sheriff’s daughters.”

“I haven’t met any Sheriff’s daughters before you, so I guess I should just stop knowing what to expect and go with it.” Gina says, “and good for you, love is love y’know.”

Clarke smiles and is saved from responding when Raven comes into the bar. She waves at them and grabs a drink.

Clarke and Gina have moved onto safer topics and are chatting about The Good Place when Raven comes over.

“Murphy’s mind is fucking blown with the two of you sitting here chatting. He didn’t know whether to insult me or grill me for gossip.” She laughs.

Clarke and Gina laugh at that, “cheers to confusing Murphy.” Clarke says.

“To confusing Murphy.” Raven and Gina echo as all three of them laugh.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it might be odd for Gina and Clarke to hang out like this, but, I felt like it made sense for these two women in this universe.
> 
> I actually really struggled with this chapter, with the pacing and including texting in there - also sorry if whatsapping is a more Brit thing but I know the military in the UK use to keep up with friends/family it so it made sense for Wells, hopefully it wasn't too strange - and I'm still not 100% happy with it but I think it sets the rest up nicely. We've got a lot some angsty chapters up ahead and it definitely gets worse before it gets better... so you've been warned!
> 
> But anyone who is still sticking with this story, I really appreciate it. Your comments and kudos mean the world to me.


	5. FRIDAY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's Friday and we get to meet Roan. There's also a little bit of IceMechanic flirting if you squint! Oh, and we discover the real reason Clarke broke up with Bellamy and left town... 
> 
> This one is a bit shorter than usual but the next chapter, Saturday, is a beast.

Her pillow vibrating is what eventually wakes Clarke up. She grasps around and finally finds her phone, croaking hello without even looking at the caller id.

“Do you have any idea how many private runways there are in west Texas?”

It’s seems to be a rhetorical question, which is good considering the power of speech has momentarily left her. 

“A lot. Is the answer your looking for. Luckily that means I could pretty much fly in no questions asked. So if the GPS isn’t lying to me, which is never to be guaranteed I should be with you in about 20 minutes.”

It’s this fact that manages to shake Clarke from her stupor.

“Roan?”

“Obviously. Who else do you know with a G4?”

“Huh? What do you mean with me?”

Clarke is staring at her ceiling as if it will provide answers, it doesn’t. It also doesn’t distract her from the pounding in her head.

“Well not with you yet, but near your tiny ass town. It’s taking me to Main Street apparently and then I assume you can direct me from there.”

Clarke sits up in bed, attempting to ignore her headache.

“You’re in Arcadia?” She asks

“Not yet.” Roan repeats as if he’s talking to a child, “Currently I’m in the middle-of-nowhere-Texas but yeah, I’ll be in Arcadia in about 20 minutes.”

“What the fuck?”

She hears him chuckle.

“On a scale of one to still drunk how hungover are you right now?”

“Uhhh”

“That’s what I thought. So I’m guessing you don’t remember the voicemail you left me last night.”

She doesn’t. In fact Clarke can’t really remember much after leaving the bar, and if she’s honest with herself, a good hour or so before that.

“Oh, fuck.”

He laughs again, “thought as much.”

“You’re in Texas?”

“Yep.”

“My part of Texas.”

“Yep.”

“Ugh,” she groans. “Ok, head to a diner called The Dropship and I’ll meet you there.”

“Ok.”

“And Roan.”

“Yeah?”

“Try to blend in.”

She hears his laugh as she cuts off the call.

The desire to crawl back into bed is overwhelming but Roan, in Arcadia, is enough to make her get up. She’s on her way to shower when she’s struck by a horrifying thought, and grabs her phone scrolling back through her messages and call list. Luckily there’s nothing to Bellamy. Just a message to Wells

**[CG 12.11] This is so fucking weird!!!! Missss you!**

And a two-minute call to Roan. Clarke decides to deal with that one in person, post shower and with coffee.

In the shower she tries to piece together the rest of last night. She had drinks with Gina, then Raven showed up and there were more drinks. At some point Monty joined and there were definitely more drinks. She remembers most of it, just not leaving a voicemail for Roan.

 

“Oh look, you’re alive.” Abby says as Clarke makes her way into the kitchen.

“Please don’t start mom, I’m late.”

“Oh no, no, no. You don’t get to roll in at 1am, then sleep all morning and head straight out.”

Abby fixes Clarke with a stern, disappointed, look.

“It’s your dad's party, tomorrow.”

“I know.”

“The party you specifically came home for.”

“I know.”

“And the party I could use your help with.”

“Jeez mom, I know. Look I already feel about fifteen different types of awful but I have to meet someone. I promise, this afternoon and tomorrow I’m all yours but right now I have to deal with something.”

Clarke doesn’t know if her mom is going soft or if she just looks that pathetic but Abby relents.

“Ok, two hours Clarke. Then you and I are going through the list of things that need to be finalised before tomorrow.”

Clarke doesn’t push it and instead just heads out of the door.

 

Raven’s car is at the bottom of the drive and Clarke thanks the hangover gods that she had the presence of mind to beg her friend for a ride. Bargaining with her mother for the use of the car would definitely have been beyond her right now.

“I do not know why you called me,” Raven says as Clarke gets in the car, “I’m not in a much better state than you.”

“No, you’re not... but you have a car, which is something I am currently without. And I have to be at The Dropship to meet a friend.”

“Who’s the friend?” Raven asks pulling out of the Griffin driveway.

“My friend from D.C, Roan.”

“Right,” Raven says managing to stretch the word out for a few seconds.

“It’s not like that.”

At Raven’s sceptical look she adds, “it’s not!”

“Then what is it like Griffin?”

“Apparently I was drunker than I thought last night and left him some epic voicemail and then this morning he just showed up.” 

“What do you mean just showed up?”

“I mean he got on his plane and flew to Texas.”

“By his plane you mean...”

“I mean his jet, well I assume one of his jets. He is loaded. Like Rockefeller loaded.”

“Ok, wow. Bellamy can not meet this guy, he will lose his shit.” Raven mutters.

“Firstly, this has nothing to do with Bellamy. Secondly nothing is going on with Roan and thirdly... well I don’t have a thirdly because my brain is not working but if I did it would be as strong as the first two.” Clarke huffs.

“Ok.” Raven laughs. “I’m just giving you a heads up that a dude flying to town for you is something that people might notice.”

Clarke just groans.

Raven thankfully relents until they pull up to the parking spaces outside The Dropship where Roan is leaning against a car.

“Is that a Model X Tesla?” Raven practically hyperventilates.

“Uhh, I have no idea,” Clarke says truthfully, “but that’s Roan and he likes cars and tech-y shit, so maybe.”

“Cars and tech-y shit.” Raven splutters, “This is not cars and tech-y shit, this is the motherfucking future. How does he… how?”

“Remember the rich part I mentioned?” Clarke mumbles.

“So, this car, something that might get attention?” Clarke asks Raven after a pause.

“Yeah, I’ll be amazed if Wick and every other petrol head, and nerd, within a two town radius, doesn’t already know it’s here. We don’t get Tesla’s in Ark, we get trucks, Mustangs, ancient Fords and the occasional Range Rover. This is car geek heaven.”

“Fucking great.”

Clarke’s brain is slow because of her hangover, but she turns to Raven and says, “If I can get Roan to give you a proper look at the car, will you make sure that you tell anyone, and I mean anyone, who asks, that he’s a family friend here for my dad’s party.”

“Is it true?” Raven asked shrewdly.

“True enough.”

There’s silence but Clarke can see Raven consider it, “Ok. But don’t make me regret it.”

“Thank you, you’re the best. And if I kill him, which I might, I’ll get him to leave you the car.” Clarke teases.

“Deal.”

 

Roan pushes himself up off the Tesla as Clarke opens her door, he makes to walk towards her but she stops him with a look.

Instead he ducks his head to smirk a hello at Raven and waits for Clarke, who doesn’t even so much as stop as she says, “follow me” and walks into The Dropship.

“Blend in means literally the opposite of stand out on Main Street next to a car that cost hundreds of thousand of dollars,” Clarke snarls as they take their seats in the diner.

“Oh hi Roan, how was your flight, easy I hope given that you dropped everything to come down and see if I was ok after my pathetic message” Roan teases in an imitation of Clarkes voice.

“I didn’t ask you to.” Clarke snaps.

At Roan’s look she relents, huffs and puts her head in her hands leaning on the table.

“Sorry, it’s just I feel like my brain is exploding or dying, can’t tell which. And now, you in Arkadia... it’s a lot.”

“Food will help.” Roan says kindly, while also rolling his eyes at her dramatics.

“Order the burger,” Clarke mumbles putting her head down on the cold table, “it is pretty much the only edible thing.”

The burgers come and Clarke manages to sit up and pick at her fries.

Roan has been chatting about his flight and random gossip about people they know in D.C. while they wait for their food but once it arrives he says:

“So I offered to come as your plus one.”

“I know." 

“But you told me you didn’t need a plus one”

“I know.”

“The thing is Clarke, that message last night... you sounded like you needed, if not a plus one then, a buddy at the very least.”

“Ugh,” Clarke groans, “how bad was it?”

“Do you want to hear it?” He says holding his phone out to her.

“No.” She replies taking it and pressing play on his voicemail.

_“Hi Roan, ‘tis me Clarke. That’s Clarke Griffin by the way, I don’t know how many Clarke’s you know. I don’t know any other Clarke’s but you might know more Clarke’s because you grew up on the east coast and rich people have stupid names. Anyway... I’ve been out with Giiiiina. She’s so nice. She’s Bellamy fiancée. Remember I told you about him, tall, dark, handsome, freckles and a promising future. Then BOOM. Sleeps with my best friend who dies...”_

There’s a pause and a fumble.

_“Oh. Shit. Don’t worry am ok! Just dropped my phone, but fixed it. Unlike my life which is fully not fixable b-t-dubs. Like I thought it would be ok but Texas is still Texas and Bellamy is still lovely and I still love him even though he broke me. And hurt my heart. But I’m ok. I’m Clarke Griffin. Roar!_

_I wish you were here though. I am all alone and Gina is so pretty and nice and not blonde and I’m so blonde and she is not blonde you know? And Bellamy is not blonde and at least if you were here then I would have a friend, not that I don’t have friends, I have friends. But no blonde friends. Are you blonde, I’m not sure. But friends I have are Raven and Monty and Wells but he’s in a dispoot, no dispuuuut, no- -“_

The message cuts off.

“A disputed territory. He's in the army.” Clarke says handing Roan his phone back, “that was…”

Roan laughs.

“I will give you my first born child if you delete that voicemail.”

Roan laughs, “As tempting as that offer is, I will decline.”

“But you have to delete it.” Clarke whines.

“Oh I will,” he says showing her the phone where he presses delete voicemail, “but I don’t need your firstborn, you just need to tell me what the hell is going on.”

“Are you sure I can’t just give you my firstborn,” Clarke jokes pathetically.

“Come on Griffin, I’m worried about you. I ditched a day of meetings with my mother to make sure you were ok.”

“Oh yeah, I’m sure you’re devastated.” Clarke rolls her eyes as Roan smirks.

“I would be lying if I said your breakdown didn’t have some unplanned perks.”

Clarke smiles back at him but it doesn’t reach her eyes.

“But seriously, I’m worried about you.” He tells her reaching for her hand and intertwining their fingers.

“I don’t even know where to begin,” Clarke says squeezing his hand then pulling hers back to poke at a fry.

“How about the voicemail.” He suggests.

Clarke tells him about going for drinks with Gina, she tells him that it was weird but not really because Gina makes sense in this world.

“But...” he says, when she pauses,

“But... as great as Gina is and she is, she’s marrying the man I thought I’d marry. And I know it’s pathetic, it’s been five years, and honestly I didn’t even know that was still how I thought about Bellamy until I came back to fucking Texas.”

“Fucking Texas.” Roan smiles raising his glass in a mock toast gesture.

Clarke is still prodding at the fries on her plate pathetically when Roan says, “how much honesty do you want?”

“None”

“Ok, I’ll rephrase. How much do you need?”

She shrugs.

“I don’t think Texas is the problem,”

She rolls her eyes but he continues.

“I’m not even sure Bellamy or his fiancée are the problem. The problem is, you left and you never really acknowledge why. And now you’re back and all these feelings, that you just buried are coming back up.”

“When did you become so fucking insightful?” Clarke grouches.

“Blame therapy.” He shrugs eliciting a snort from Clarke.

“I don’t know what to do.” Clarke says.

“Maybe start by being honest. Bellamy cheated on you and broke your heart. You’re allowed to be mad.”

“Not five years later I’m not. I’m pretty sure your therapist would have opinions about that.” Clarke scoffs.

“My therapist is called Echo, I wouldn’t put too much stock in her opinion.” He laughs.

“What am I meant to do? I can’t be mad at Harper, she’s dead and it feels pathetic to scream at Bellamy for something that was five years ago.”

“Your boyfriend and best friend were hooking up behind your back. There’s no time limit on how long you can be pissed for.”

Clarke opens her mouth to speak but Roan cuts her off:

“Yes, even if one of them died.”

“Fucking Texas.” Clarke mutters again as Roan laughs.

Clarke is feeling marginally better, not about Bellamy but her hangover has at least subsided when her mother calls.

“Hey mom.” She says taking the call, “Yep, all free for errands.”

There’s a pause.

“Actually, Roan’s here.”

Another pause.

“Yes Nia’s son Roan, how many Roan’s do you know?” Clarke mutters as Roan laughs, “uhh yeah, did I not tell you he was coming for the party?”

Clarke looks up at Roan and mouths, “sorry.”

“Well, he is. Mom you can grill him later, just send the list. Bye.”

Clarke puts her phone down on the table and rolls her eyes at Roan:

“Well Mr Glazer, I’m afraid you have an afternoon of errands ahead of you.” Clarke laughs.

“And a party to attend too apparently.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. Didn’t feel like explaining that you flew down to see me because I’m having a crisis about my ex.” Clarke shrugs.

“Fair enough,” Roan says reasonably, “luckily I packed my tux.”

Clarke laughs, “Of course you did, but don’t worry this is not a tux event.”

“More like cowboy hats and holsters?” He teases.

“Exactly.” She replies with a smirk.

Clarke grabs her phone and looks at the list her mom sent, “Oh excellent, how do you feel about a trip to the dry cleaner.”

“I feel good,” he laughs.

They’re outside the Dropship when Roan hugs her, it takes her by surprise because he’s not usually big on showing affection but she leans in and hugs him back. 

“Thanks for being here.” She mumbles.

“Of course. Now come on, dry cleaning.” He says breaking away and walking towards his car.

She laughs and smiles at him before saying, “Is this car a big deal or something because my friend practically died when she saw it earlier.”

“Was that the hot brunette that dropped you off?” Roan asks getting into the car.

“Yes, and down boy. She’d eat you for breakfast.”

“I might be into that.” He laughs and Clarke leans over to hit him on the arm as they pull out of the space.

 

 

From down the road on the steps of the police station Bellamy and Lincoln have watched the whole thing while waiting for Miller.

“Don’t.” Bellamy says to Lincoln, “Just don’t.”

Miller comes out then and says, “Ahh fuck that Tesla’s gone, Monty’s gonna kill me he wanted to see it.”

“Don’t worry, it looks like it belongs to Clarke’s boyfriend so I’m sure we’ll see it again.” Bellamy says darkly.

“What?” Miller asks turning to look at him, “What did I miss?”

When it becomes clear that Bellamy isn’t going to say anything Lincoln says: “we just saw Clarke and some tall guy come out of the Dropship looking pretty friendly and then get into the car and drive off.”

“Oh. Well it makes sense I guess, he’s probably here for the party.” Miller says reasonably.

“Can we just drop it.” Bellamy mumbles, “please.”

Bellamy can’t decide if he’s furious or feeling guilty. The whole time that he was being grilled about Gina, Clarke had that guy waiting in the wings. But, he thinks reasonably it’s not like he asked Clarke if she was seeing anyone and why wouldn’t she move on, he did.

Bellamy’s thoughts swirl round in circles in his head as they walk to Grounders and he realises that he missed all of the conversation Lincoln and Miller were having.

“Are you ok man?” Miller asks as they wait in line to order.

“Yeah. This week has just been a lot, you know.”

Miller nods sympathetically but they don’t talk about it further, instead they stick to safe subjects like work and sport but Bellamy feels out of sorts for the rest of the afternoon. And the worst part is he doesn’t want to think about what it means; is he jealous? Is he allowed to be jealous? Is he being unfair to Gina?

He’s tough on the team at practice and he knows Marcus is worried. Bellamy never thought he’d actually miss his quiet life, but he does. He just wants the week to be over, for Clarke to go home and for everything to go back to normal.

 

 

Raven is in the Griffin kitchen when Clarke and Roan come in weighted down with bags.

“Jeez, did you leave anything for anyone else to buy.” Raven laughs making no move to help.

“Oh no Reyes, you stay there.” Clarke snarks, “we’re fine.”

“Excellent.” Raven teases.

“What are you doing here anyway?” Clarke says dumping the bags down.

“Nice to see you too!” Raven rolls her eyes.

“I didn’t mean that, I just wasn’t expecting you.”

“Your mom called. She didn’t trust the guys that have rigged up the sound system or lighting, so she asked me to take a look at it.”

“Because you’re a sound tech?” Roan snarks.

“I’m sorry, who are you?” Raven says, not sounding sorry at all.

“Oh yeah, Raven this is my friend Roan, Roan this is Raven who is not a sound tech but a wasted genius who can basically fix anything electrical and should be an engineer for Nasa or some shit.” Clarke says waving between them halfheartedly while rummaging around in the fridge.

“Aww, thanks babe.” Raven smiles.

“I take it you’re not an engineer for Nasa then.” Roan asks.

“Nope.” Raven smiles.

“That’s all I get. Nope.”

“I don’t know how things work in D.C. but in Texas, if you want to know things you have to ask actual questions. We have manners down here.” Raven snarks as Clarke laughs behind her.

“Hey y’all, I thought I heard voices.” Abby says coming into the kitchen.

“Roan darling, how are you?” she says giving him a hug, “It’s so nice of you to come down for this, such a surprise too Clarke didn’t mention it.”

“Been a busy week mom, just forgot.” Clarke says eating a yoghurt.

If Abby notices Roan and Raven exchange a look she says nothing. Instead she says, “Will you put that down, we’ll be eating soon.”

Clarke just shrugs but carries on eating her yoghurt.

“Roan, let me show you were you’re staying.” Abby says leading him out of the room.

 

“Heads up,” Raven says turning to Clarke when it’s just them in the kitchen, “multiple people asked me about the ‘dude with car’ today.”

“Not Bellamy or Octavia.” Raven adds at Clarke’s look, “but it’s safe to assume people know he’s in town.”

“Well, there’s nothing to know. He’s a family friend and even if he was my boyfriend, it’s nobodies goddamn business.”

“What’s nobodies goddamn business?” Jake asks coming into the kitchen, “hey girls.”

“Hey pops.” Clarke says smiling and giving her dad a hug.

“Is the thing that’s no ones business to do with the car out front?” Jake asks.

Clarke just shrugs.

“I’m assuming it’s not your car, although it would be darn site better than that heap of junk you drive.” Jake says to Raven.

“Hey! That’s just offensive to my little car. But sadly no, that beauty out there is not mine. I’d have to sell all my organs to even get on the waiting list.” Raven sighs.

“Oh, I assure you it’s not that difficult.” Roan says coming back into the kitchen.

“Should’ve known.” Jake grumbles good-naturedly. “There’s about three people I know showy enough for a car like that and you and your godawful mother are two of them.”

Roan laughs going over to shake Jake’s hand.

“She’s not here is she?” Jake says clapping Roan on the back.

“No, just me. She sends her regards though.”

Jake scoffs, “Oh yeah, I’m sure.”

At Raven’s blank look Jake says, “Nia, Roan’s mother and Abby were in a sorority together in college and sisters stick together apparently but Nia is, well, difficult." Jake pauses, then adds, "And she hates me.”

“Who can hate you Sheriff G.” Raven says smiling. 

“My mother can hate anyone, she has a talent.” Roan smirks.

“Right, lets go and see this car of yours.” Jake says to Roan, pushing him towards the door. “Raven you too, I won’t understand any of it without you.”

Clarke watches them go, zero interest in seeing it for herself, but she can’t help but smile at the way her dad – who also doesn’t care for cars – orchestrated it so Raven, who would be too proud to ask, gets to have a look around.

Clarke is contemplating going up to change when her mother comes back into the kitchen.

“So, Roan?”

“Just spit it out mom.”

“Spit what out?”

“Whatever it is you’re dying to say.” Clarke says climbing onto one of the stools that surround the kitchen island.

“It’s just a surprise darling. I invited him and Nia, of course, but was under the impression that they were too busy.” Abby says airily.

“Well plans change.”

“Uh, huh. And this change of plans would have nothing to do with you being out until the early hours yesterday. Or Bellamy Blake picking you up from the airport. Or..”

“Mom," Clarke snaps, "Roan is just a friend. He’s here because I asked him and he had a change in plans so was able to make it.”

“I’m not insinuating anything darling,” Abby says softly coming over to Clarke, “just want to make sure you’re ok.”

Abby reaches over and brushes a hand down Clarke’s hair, placing a soft kiss on her head.

“I am.”

“Good.”

“So,” Abby says moving away and going over to the bags Clarke and Roan brought in, “did you get everything?”

“We did.”

Abby and Clarke are going through the final checklist when the boys, minus Raven, come back in.

“Where’s Raven?” Clarke asks.

“She said to say bye, she had dinner plans,” Jake says.

“The Blake BBQ most likely,” Abby says off-handedly.

Clarke starts momentarily, she hadn't realised the BBQs still happened, she hasn't been to one since high school. She feels a stab of something that feels suspiciously like jealousy, but then gives herself a bit of a talking to - it’s just another thing that has moved on without her and she has to get used to it. Instead of wallowing, she lets herself get caught up in the conversation with her parents and Roan and tries to push down the sense of dread she feels about tomorrow’s party.

 

Bellamy saw the cars out front and heard the chatter and laughter of his assembled friends and felt himself relax – this was normal. Friday night BBQ’s at Blake farm were something of a tradition, originally they’d been something Aurora put on for the team – a way of giving them somewhere to go and hang out, safely, after games.

After the accident and Aurora’s death they’d stopped happening until one Friday Miller turned up with a boot full of meat and Raven and Monty standing behind him claiming that Blake farm was literally the only place big enough to cook all the meat that absolutely had to be eaten because Miller had got it from a man who knew a man, but it needed to be cooked then and there.

He saw through the excuse of course, but he liked having everyone back and since then it’d just been a thing that happened even when the team had games, Bellamy would just join after.

Lincoln or Bellamy manned the grill and people brought whatever they could, but really it was an excuse for all of them to be together. They even did it in winter, still grilling but eating inside instead. Some of Bellamy’s best memories of the last few years centered around the Friday night BBQ.

He got changed and made his way out to see everyone. Raven was telling a very complicated story involving lots of hand gestures and swearing when he stepped onto the grass grabbing a beer from Lincoln on the way.

“Blake!” Raven shouted hello, “I was just trying to explain what happened when Principal Sinclair told me I had to be the game mascot because of that little incident in chemistry.”

Bellamy laughed, “you tried to blow up the lab.”

“Why does everyone keep saying that! I knew it wouldn’t combust!” Raven laughs.

“Hi,” Bellamy says going over to Gina.

“Hi,” she smiles back, “good practice?”

“Yeah they’re not too bad.”

He doesn’t tell her that he was tough on them or that Marcus asked him if he was ok. Instead, he leans in to kiss her, his arm creeping around her back to hold her close and she returns the kiss deeply.

“Oi, this is a family event!” Miller laughs halfheartedly throwing a roll at Bellamy and Gina who break apart with a laugh.

“Since when?” Gina laughs.

“Technically Bell and I are family, so since always!” Octavia laughs.

The thing that Bellamy loves most about the BBQ is that everyone is relaxed, lounging on whatever they can find, eating and drinking. The farm is big enough that they can stay over if they need to, and no one has to worry about being too loud.

It’s still warm but is starting to get dark the sky turning from that particular shade of pink to a deep inky blue.

Bellamy goes inside to get some more beers. He comes back out walking down the porch steps towards Miller and Gina when he notices Jasper and Monty having an argument.

“What’s that about?” He says standing next to Miller and handing him a beer.

“Jasper’s drunk, again” Miller shrugs.

“I’m just saying it’s not fair that you all hang out with Clarke and I don’t. She’s my friend too.” Jasper shouts.

Bellamy makes out Clarke's name even through Jasper’s slurring.

“He’s pissed that Monty met up with the girls last night and he wasn’t invited.” Miller explains.

“It’s not like you’ve not see her Jas,” Raven says reasonably.

“Yeah but she leaves again soon and I haven’t hung out with her. We should’ve invited her tonight, we’re all friends. Right?” Jasper moans.

“Come on Jas,” Octavia says, as Jasper reaches for another drink, “you’ve had enough.”

“You just hate her. But we could all be friends. If Gina doesn’t hate her, I don’t think we should.”

“Jasper enough.” Bellamy sighs. “Clarke is welcome of course she is but she has her own life and she probably has plans with her family.”

“Or boyfriend.” Bellamy adds in what he thinks is a quiet voice.

But obviously isn’t because Gina says:

“She doesn’t have a boyfriend.”

“Huh.”

“Clarke’s single. She told me last night.”

Before it can get more awkward, Bellamy really doesn't want to think about what Clarke and Gina talked about last night, has been trying to avoid thinking about it all day in fact, Raven jumps in, “Are you talking about Roan?”

“What?”

Now everyone is involved in the conversation, except Jasper and Octavia who is trying to give him some water to sober him up.

“Tall guy, long hair, looks like he’s permanently disappointed.” Raven says.

“Yeah I guess.” Bellamy says, as Lincoln adds, “we saw them in town looking pretty cosy.”

“Yeah, Roan. Not boyfriend just old family friend. Think he’s in town for the party.” Raven says casually. 

“Is there more food?” Miller asks changing the subject, “I’m hungry.”

“You’re literally always hungry.” Monty laughs.

“I’m a growing boy.” He huffs.

The tension disappears as everyone starts chatting again, but Bellamy knows Gina caught his tone when he asked about Clarke’s... Roan.

It’s completely dark except for the lights from the house and the string lights Octavia insisted they put up at the start of the summer. The music, some indie mix of Raven’s is low and his friends – all except Jasper, who is inside sleeping it off – are laughing.

He’s leaning back in his chair with Gina leaning against him and he thinks he could be happy in this life. He loves Gina and knows how great she is. He loves his friends, who are right now trying to make a human pyramid.

So why isn’t he happy? Why ever time someone mentions Clarke does it feel like he has a vice around his lungs stopping him from breathing normally. But why did his heart do a little flutter when he found out she didn’t have a boyfriend.

He watches as the pyramid collapses, happy laughter all around him. He tightens his arm around Gina, who he really loves, and wonders, will anything ever be enough?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... thoughts? 
> 
> I don't care about cars but it feels like something Roan would be into so all thoughts on the Tesla are brought to you by my pals who are obsessed.
> 
> As people have kind of alluded to in the comments Gina does not suck in this fic and although it is definitely a Bellarke story, I'll be honest it isn't going to be tied up in a neat Bellarke bow by the end. There will definitely be resolution, of sorts, but in this world there are no bad guys, not really, so it doesn't feel true to them to just say "Happily Ever After..." and leave it at that. Everyone is flawed and has made mistakes and we will see the aftermath of that in the next chapter.
> 
> I hope you'll still keep reading, it is Bellakre, I promise, just slightly different.


	6. SATURDAY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh... I am so sorry that this is going up late. I ended up going on a last minute trip and had no wifi or data all weekend so couldn't post it. Please forgive me.
> 
> Anyway, it's Saturday - the day of the party. 
> 
> This chapter is a beast, almost 8k including a proper Bellarke interaction, but well, you know what to expect by now, angst, angst and more angst.

The house is a hive of activity when Clarke comes downstairs. It might not be a ‘tux-worthy’ party as she’d told Roan, but it’s also not a backyard BBQ in the traditional sense. There are caterers in white shirts and black trousers milling around holding trays of drinks. And the dress her mum had, heavily, suggested she wear is formal but pretty. A pale floral dress with cap sleeves and a skirt that falls mid leg.

“Look at you all grown up.” Jake says teasingly as Clarke walks into his study, she’s trying to find some peace and quiet knowing once she goes outside she’ll be forced to help and when the guests arrive she won’t have a second to herself.

“You hiding too?” She laughs, going to sit next to him on the ancient leather couch that is more patches than leather these days.

“Not hiding, just… preparing.” He smiles.

“You know everyone is here for you,” Clarke says.

“I know, but I don’t need a fuss.”

Clarke is like her dad in that way, just being with the people she cares about is enough, she doesn’t need the parties and the fuss, but her mum shows she cares through gestures and the town wanted to acknowledge her dad, so she gets it.

“People just want to show you they’ll miss you.” She shrugs.

“I’m not going anywhere.” He says putting an arm around her shoulder.

Clarke feels very vulnerable suddenly, she hasn’t had as much time with her dad as she’d like this trip and she feels guilty.

Almost as if he can hear her thoughts he says: “It’s been nice seeing you spend time with your friends this visit. You’re always home for such a short time, they don’t get to see you.”

“I guess.” Clarke says honestly, “It’s nice to be able to, although still a bit strange.”

She feels him nod next to her.

“Did you keep in touch with the Blake’s when Bellamy and I broke up?” Clarke asks suddenly, pulling back slightly to look at him. She’s not sure why it matters, but it does.

“You know I did darling,” he says not unkindly. “After the accident, and Aurora, your mother and I wanted them to know they had people.”

After a pause he says, “We weren’t the only ones. Lots of people stepped up.”

“Yeah, I guess… I just didn’t realise. You never mentioned them.” She says quietly.

“I didn’t think you’d want to know, and I didn’t want you to feel like I was questioning your decision to leave town, to break up and move on.” Jake says softly.

He looks at her seriously.

“Clarke, you and your mother are my world and I will always love and support you. You know that right?”

“I know,” she nods, “I love you dad.”

“I love you too.”

They’re hugging when Roan comes in apologetically.

“Sorry to interrupt but Abby said, and I quote, 'if those two don’t stop hiding god help me I will not be responsible for my actions.'”

Clarke and Jake laugh.

“It’s showtime.” She says standing up and offering her dad her hand.

“Lets do this.”

They head out to the garden, which currently only has the staff and Abby in it but in a matter of moments it starts to fill up with friends and family who have come to celebrate Jake’s retirement.

 

Clarke has to give her mom credit – she knows how to throw a party. Based on the amount of people here Clarke would guess most of the town showed up, but it’s not a huge surprise. Her dad is loved.

She makes the rounds talking to everyone, making sure they all have food and drinks. Roan spends most of his time with her, because he doesn’t really know anyone else, but he grew up going to parties far fancier than this so manages to charm everyone he meets. They get a few comments about their relationship status but mostly just raised eyebrows.

The sun is high and the afternoon is hitting its peak, the party is in full swing – the sound of laughter and the buzz of conversation filling every corner of the garden – when she sees her friends. She’s seen a few of them throughout the afternoon but this is the first time it’s all of them, in a group, including Bellamy and Gina. Bellamy who looks incredibly handsome in a blue button down and jeans, standing next to Gina who looks beautiful in a simple green dress. Bellamy’s arm is casually around Gina’s waist and Clarke has to fight the jealousy that crawls up in her at the ease of it all.

“Ready to be thrown to the lions.” Clarke mutters to Roan throwing a glance in the direction of her friends. 

“Born ready babe, you know me.” He smirks.

“Yes, I do. So be nice.” She tells him as they walk over.

“Hey guys!” Clarke says brightly.

“Clarke, your mum knows how to throw a party, this is next level fancy.” Raven says.

“Wait until the dessert carts come out.” Clarke laughs

“Seriously?” Miller practically groans.

Clarke nods, “guys this is my friend Roan,” she says gesturing at Roan.

“Roan this is everyone. Raven you already know, and that’s Monty, Miller, Gina, Bellamy, Lincoln and Octavia.”

They all chorus hi, some more enthusiastically than others.

“I will never remember all that but, hi.” Roan smiles.

They’re making small talk and it’s not too awkward, not as bad as she feared. Bellamy is quiet but it’s only because she’s hyper aware of the situation that she notices. She also can’t help but notice his arm is no longer around Gina.

“Has Clarke told you about the State ring shot game.” Raven is asking Roan when there’s a lull in the conversation. She has a wicked twinkle in her eye, which Clarke recognises all to well.

“Uh, no.” He says at the same time Miller and Monty say: “no way” and Bellamy actually grimaces.

“I think I nearly died the first, and only time, I played.” Monty says.

“Oh now I have to hear more.”

“Me too.” Gina smiles.

“Yeah, what is this game.” Lincoln asks.

“How did it start Griffin? It was one of your moms boring fundraisers, right?” Raven teases.

Clarke laughs, “Yeah it was the summer before my senior year. We were all,” she gestures at Miller, Monty, Raven and Bellamy, “at this fundraiser my mom was throwing for the football team. Our friend Wells was there too, in fact the whole thing was actually Wells’ idea but I got the blame as always.”

“That’s because he said it as a hypothetical, you acted on it.” Bellamy says smiling.

“Minor details,” Clarke laughs airily, “basically the idea is, every time you see someone wearing a state ring you take a shot.”

“And how would I know what a state ring looks like?” Gina asks.

Clarke falters because she knows Bellamy has a state ring, but the fact that Gina doesn’t know – or hasn’t seen it – throws her.

Luckily Octavia says “it’s like a super bowl ring but smaller,” as if that settles the matter.

“So if we were playing now, we’d have to take two shots... for Miller and Bellamy.” Raven explains.

“You have a state ring?” Gina says to Bellamy quietly, out of earshot of most of the group.

He nods but doesn’t say anything, not even when she looks at him with a distracted, sad expression on her face.

She recovers quickly, and laughs along when Clarke says: “No, don’t you remember we changed the rules, so we didn’t actually die. For the game to work you have to physically see the ring being worn.”

“Oh yeah. I think I was already drunk by that rule change.” Raven laughs.

“And people here would be wearing them?” Roan says sceptically.

“Yep. I know of four guys here who wear them without even thinking about it, even though they haven’t played football for at least twenty years. And if we hadn’t done the rule change we’d have to add at least three more... these two,” she says pointing to Bellamy and Miller, “and my dad.”

“Texas is weird.” Roan laughs.

“Watch it.” They all growl, except Lincoln and Gina.

“Oh yeah, you can’t insult Texas,” Gina laughs, “they can, but you can’t.”

“Like family.” Roan says.

“Exactly.” Lincoln agrees with a smile.

They all laugh, and Clarke can’t help but smile at how nice this is – how easy it is. Before she can relax too much she spots Abby signalling at her.

“Guys, I’m really sorry I have to go and do the rounds, I can see my mom gesturing at me from here.” Clarke says rolling her eyes.

“Do you want to come with…?” Clarke asks turning to Roan.

“What’s wrong Griffin? You don’t trust us with your friend.” Bellamy says.

Clarke knows she isn’t the only one who’s noticed the less than friendly tone, or the way Bellamy put an emphasis on the word friend. But she’s pretty sure she is the only one who noticed that he called her Griffin, something he hasn’t done since long before they broke up.

“Maybe she doesn’t trust me around you guys.” Roan says matching Bellamy’s faux-carefree tone.

Clarke doesn’t know what to do, but she’s saved by Raven, who says:

“Roan, I was telling Monty about your car.”

“Oh my god, the model X. I’ve read that they…” Monty starts, monopolising Roan’s attention.

Clarke mouths a thank you at Raven and leaves to go to her mother who sends her inside to deal with a catering meltdown.

 

Bellamy and Gina are talking to Coach Kane when Bellamy spies Roan by the bar. He knows he shouldn’t go over, he knows he should just leave it, particularly when Gina is with him and things have been good, but his impulsive side – the side he thought was long buried – comes out and before he knows what he’s doing he’s saying to Gina:

“I’m just going to get us a top up.” He gestures to their empty glasses, but he’s saved from further questioning by Principal Sinclair coming to join the conversation.

“Ok.” She smiles and kisses his cheek absentmindedly.

By the time Bellamy gets to the bar Roan is flirting with a girl that Bellamy doesn’t recognise, which infuriates him even more.

He asks for his drinks and truly does try to ignore Roan, but it doesn’t last.

“That didn’t take long.” He snarks, when the girl leaves, (after not so subtly pressing a napkin with her number on it into Roan’s hand).

Roan turns, “Excuse me?”

“Oh nothing, just saw you were making friends.” Bellamy says with a false smile.

“I’m not sure what you’re implying but I suggest you watch it.” Roan says evenly.

“Not implying anything, just think it’s nice how many admirers you have at this party considering you’re here with Clarke.”

“I am here with Clarke, as her friend.” Roan says, adding with a low growl, “and unlike some when I’m with someone, I’m 100% with them.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean.” Bellamy snarls.

Both men are keeping their voices low, but anyone looking would be able to see it isn’t a friendly chat.

“You know exactly what I mean.”

“Look not that it’s any of your fucking business, but I am with Gina. Completely.”

“I wasn’t talking about her, but good to see you’ve learnt from your mistakes.”

“What the fuck-”

Bellamy’s response is cut off by the arrival of Abby.

“Hey y’all – everything ok?” she asks, pointedly, standing between the two of them.

“Of course. We were just waiting for drinks.” Roan says smoothly, recovering first, “in fact here’s mine.”

“Excellent. Can I borrow you then, I want to introduce you to a friend of mine. She knows your mother.”

Roan smiles at Abby and nods.

“Bellamy, sweetheart, it’s so good of you guys to come. Find me later for a proper chat, ok?” Abby says squeezing his arm and manoeuvring Roan away, leaving Bellamy shell-shocked at the bar.

Bellamy gets his drinks in a daze. He knows that he was trying to rile Roan, so maybe the other man was doing the same. But it didn’t seem like it.

He seemed to be implying that Bellamy wasn’t faithful to Clarke, but the only reason Roan would think that is if Clarke thought that.

Bellamy shakes his head trying to gather his thoughts. He would never cheat, surely everyone knows that – that’s not who he is.

He is about to walk back to his friends, chalk the whole thing up to male posturing, when he sees Clarke coming out of the house and without thinking about it he marches over to her.

 

“We need to talk, now” Bellamy says coming over to Clarke and grabbing her by the upper arm as she comes down the porch steps.  
  
“Bellamy, what the fuck do you think you’re doing, we’re in the middle of my dad’s party!” She hisses, trying to wrench her arm free and hoping no one has noticed.  
  
“This can’t wait.”  
  
And there is something about the set of his jaw and the look in his eyes that makes Clarke think he’ll have this conversation whether it’s in private or not.  
  
“Fine.”  
  
She follows him in and they head upstairs, ending up in her room.  
  
Bellamy looks momentarily surprised to be in her room even though that’s where they were heading. But Clarke shakes him out of it when she speaks, “you wanted to talk, so talk.”  
  
She’s sitting on the edge of her bed with her arms folded, facing him as he stands near her desk.  
  
“Why did you break up with me?  
  
“The fuck, Bellamy! That’s why you dragged me up here? You know why… we’d changed.”  
  
“Yeah I know that’s the reason you gave me then and the reason you give anyone else but what is the actual reason.”  
  
She goes to speak but he interrupts, “and don’t say we were different people. Because when I think about it, and believe me Clarke I’ve been thinking about it. You shut down about a week after the accident and things were never the same.”  
  
“I told you. We had both changed. Maybe it just happened to me first.”  
  
“Bullshit.” He spits  
  
“What do you want me to say?”  
  
“I want the truth!”  
  
“Why are you asking this now? My reason has been my reason for five years, what’s changed?”  
  
“Let’s just say I’ve had some new information.”  
  
She knows what he's talking about before he even finishes speaking.  
  
“Roan.”  
  
“Roan” he nods.  
  
Clarke is silent for a while and it’s Bellamy who speaks again.  
  
“So I ask you again Clarke, why did you break up with me?”  
  
“Because I found out you and Harper were fucking around behind my back!” She shouts. “Happy now.”  
  
Clarke has no words to describe the look on Bellamy’s face; it’s something between shock, anger and hurt with disbelief in there too.  
  
He takes some steadying breaths, nodding a couple of times.  
  
“Why did you think that?” There’s no fight in his voice  
  
Clarke didn’t realise she was crying but as she tries to speak she struggles to get her breath.

“Because I know that her flight landed that morning, not evening like you said. Because I know you’d been talking to her in the weeks up to Christmas and because you were both avoiding me. I put two and two together and hoped I was wrong but then a week after the accident I heard my parents in the kitchen… my dad said that you and Harper had been together, and something about how I must never know. So yeah, Bellamy, I worked it out.”  
  
She tries to catch her breath swiping angrily at the tears on her face before continuing.  
  
“And because I’m not entirely heartless I tried to support you and get past it, but I couldn’t. I was furious at you but you were hurt and grieving and had just lost everything and I couldn’t be mad at her because she was dead. So I tried to let it go but I couldn’t and when I couldn’t, I left and maybe that makes me a coward but it was the only way I could move on.”  
  
Clarke couldn’t look at him as she spoke but when she looks up she sees tears in his eyes and his expression is broken.  
  
“I wasn’t cheating on you Clarke.” He says softly.  
  
“Yeah, your word versus a dead girl so...”  
  
She wants to take it back as soon as she says it but spite has always been her first defence. She waits for Bellamy to snap at her, to defend Harper.  
  
“I wasn’t cheating. I was going to propose.”  
  
Clarke gapes at Bellamy.  
  
“That’s why we were together that day – she was helping me buy a ring. And that’s why she and I had been talking so much.”  
  
“But my dad said...”  
  
“The police found the ring in the car Clarke. Your dad brought it to me in the hospital and I asked him not to tell you. That must have been what they were talking about, he must have been telling your mom and you overhead.”  
  
“Marriage…" Clarke starts before trailing of, when she speaks again she says, "but we were so young.”  
  
“I know. It was going to be more of, I want you in my life forever so please take this ring type-proposal and then, when you’re a kick ass doctor and I’m playing pro, let’s set a date.”

He shrugs, “I wanted you to know how much I loved you.”  
  
“You were going to propose.” Clarke whispers.  
  
He nods.  
  
“You weren’t cheating on me.” She says mostly to herself.  
  
“I think I’m gonna be sick.” Clarke says pushing herself off the bed and heading into the en-suite where she dry retches over the sink.  
  
“Are you ok?” Bellamy asks after a few minutes stepping closer to the en-suite but not past the doorway.  
  
Clarke is still leaning over the sink even though she hasn’t been sick.  
  
“No.”  
  
She wipes her face and stands.  
  
“Are you?” she asks.  
  
“No.”  
  
She looks at him then. The tears are still on her face and she thinks she can’t feel any worse, but then she looks at him. And he looks how she thinks she must look – wrecked. His eyes are glassy with tears and his hair is standing up in a thousand different directions where he’s been running his hands through it.  
  
“You weren’t with Harper?” She asks, her voice flat and sad, still holding onto the sink, it’s the only thing grounding her.  
  
“No.”  
  
She nods.  
  
“Fuck Clarke, I was in love with you. I was trying to find a way to hold onto you. Harp was helping. She knew, god I thought everyone knew, it was always you.”  
  
“I...” she starts but falls silent. The silence stretches as Clarke tries to get her thoughts in order. Bellamy is the one to speak first.  
  
“Clarke, please talk to me.”  
  
“I don’t know what to say. I feel like I’ve just woken up and found out everything I thought was up is actually down.”  
  
“Don’t you think I feel the same!” He shouts then, his frustration getting the better of him. “Do you have any idea how many times I wanted to come after you when you left, but you said we’d changed and I couldn’t fight that. I couldn’t fix it. So I got on with it.”  
  
“I don’t know what to say.”  
  
“Me either.”  
  
Clarke knows she's crying again but she doesn’t know how to stop. Every reason she’s had for walking away for the last five years suddenly don't matter, because the one grain of truth in the middle of it, the one thing she held on to, isn’t even true.  
  
“Oi Griffin, what are you doing? Your mum is ready for speeches...” Raven bursts in without knocking.  
  
She pulls up short when she sees Bellamy standing in the doorway of the en-suite.  
  
“I was looking for Clarke.”  
  
“I’m in here.” Clarke sniffs, turning on the tap and splashing water on her eyes and face, wiping a finger under her eyes to sort her make-up.  
  
“One of you needs to tell me what’s going on,” Raven says, taking in Bellamy’s broken expression.

As she gets to the door of the bathroom and sees Clarke she says, “oh babe, what’s happened.”  
  
She moves towards Clarke but Clarke stands up straight, making the best of her make up and says to her, “I can’t. I will later, I swear, but right now I need to be there for my dad.”  
  
Clarke brushes past Raven and stops at Bellamy, “I’ll...” but the words fail her.  
  
He nods in understanding anyway.  
  
Clarke leaves the room without a second glance and Raven swings round to turn her ire on Bellamy but when she looks at him, she can’t.  
  
“What is going on Blake?” She asks softly.  
  
She is two steps away from him but still manages to catch him in a hug as he pitches forward, “it’s all such a mess.” She hears him mumble.  
  
And because Raven isn’t very good with feelings, and because she thinks this might be beyond her, she just holds him and murmurs, “it’ll be ok. It’ll be ok.” And hopes it’s true.

  
Clarke takes one last glance at herself in the hall mirror before heading back outside. She doesn’t look perfect but she also doesn’t just look like she’s just had her world turned upside down, so she thinks she’ll pass.  
  
Abby corners her as soon as she gets outside. “Where were you? It’s time for speeches.”  
  
Clarke doesn’t respond just moves after her mother.  
  
Abby is about to say something when she takes in the way Clarke’s shoulders are set and brightness around the eyes.  
  
“Darling, are you...”  
  
“Please don’t ask if I’m ok. I’m holding my shit together for Dad, ok.”  
  
It’s a testament to how wrecked she must look that Abby doesn’t even comment on the swearing. Instead she squeezes her daughter’s hand and says softly, “You don’t have to do this.”  
  
“Yes I do. I’m fine mom, I promise.”  
  
Clarke sets her shoulders and straightens up, grabbing a glass of champagne as she goes to stand next to her Dad.  
  
“Uhh,” she starts tapping the glass lightly. “If I could have everyone’s attention.”  
  
“When my mom asked if I wanted to do a speech at dad’s retirement party, I said no. I’m pretty sure she thought I was just being stubborn, but for once I wasn’t.”  
  
Everyone laughs.  
  
“I said no because I didn’t know what to say. He’s my dad, he’s not retiring from that… as far as I know.” Jake looks down at her with a teasing expression before meeting her smile.  
  
“I don’t know Sheriff Griffin, I just know Dad. But then this week I realised I did know him, and the bits I missed my friends could fill in.”  
  
“Octavia Blake called him a legend.” Clarke says finding Octavia in the crowd and smiling at her.  
  
“Officer Miller said he was one of he good guys. And officer - huh, I don’t know your surname -“ Clarke says looking at Lincoln.  
  
“Hunter” he supplies with a smile.  
  
“And officer Hunter said that my dad gave him a chance when no one else would.”  
  
“In fact everyone I asked said good things about my dad, except for two people.” Clarke smiles.  
  
“The first was Raven,” Clarke doesn’t think Raven will be there assuming she’s still upstairs.

“Oh, no.” Raven shouts making Clarke spot her on the porch steps, “I think Sheriff G is the best, don’t try and take me down like that.”  
  
Everyone laughs.  
  
“As I was saying,” Clarke laughs, “I was telling Raven about this speech and she reminded me that I did actually have my own Sheriff story. To quote my friend she said, ‘Sure you know what to say. Remember that time we all snuck away for the weekend and your dad was a total hard ass and threw us in jail!’”  
  
“Hard ass is a term of endearment, honest!” Raven shouts over the laughter.  
  
“I won’t go into details, because I want to protect the innocent,” Clarke says lightly, “but let’s just say there was a minor misunderstanding around alleged underage drinking and trespassing on private land, the end result was that Bellamy, Raven, Miller, John Murphy and myself ended up in jail.”  
  
“It was a holding cell and it was for less than three hours. Criminal masterminds you weren’t.” Jake says laughing and the guests at the party join in.  
  
“So my one brush with the law was tough but fair. And that’s what I think of when I think of my dad. Someone who looks after his family, who puts them first, but treats this town and everyone in it like family too.” Clarke’s eyes are glassy with tears now and she hopes that everyone will think it’s just because of her dad.

“I know it won’t be the same without him as Sheriff but I think that the team he leaves behind, and whoever replaces him won’t go far wrong if they ask themselves – what would Jake Griffin do?” she smiles.  
  
“So everyone, please raise your glasses to my dad. Sheriff Griffin.”  
  
“To Sheriff Griffin.” Everyone echoes.  
  
Clarke is hugging her dad when she hears Octavia ask loudly, “wait? Who was the other person who said something bad? You said two.”  
  
“Ahh yes, thanks Octavia. The only other person I’ve ever heard say something negative about my dad is my mom who just this morning called him a name that would make sailors blush!” Clarke laughs.  
  
Her mom is leaning against her dad and it couldn’t be more obvious how in love they are. Abby laughs, as does Jake, “in my defence y’all he had just asked me if I was sure I’d ordered enough meat for today.” The assembled women start teasing Jake and sympathising with Abby so Clarke slips away over to her friends.  
  
“Where’s Bell?” Octavia asks generally.  
  
Clarke is saved from having to think of something when Raven comes up to the group lies smoothly, “he said he had a headache and asked if you could make sure Gina got home ok.”  
  
“Sure.” Lincoln says softly.

“Where is Gina?” Octavia says.

"Uhh, I saw her talking to Clarke's friend just before the speeches." Monty replies.

“Will you guys excuse me?” She says hurrying to find Roan.

Clarke finds Roan talking to an old friend of her parents, “I’m sorry Mrs Marsh, do you mind if I borrow him?” she says sweetly taking Roan’s arm.

“Of course darling.” Mrs Marsh says giving her a fond look.

Clarke tightens her grip on Roan and all but drags him to the edge of the garden.

“Where’s the brunette you were talking to? Gina?” She snaps.

“I don’t know, why? What the hell has gotten in to you?”

“Oh I don’t know. How about the deep and meaningful I just had with Bellamy about why we broke up.” Clarke snarls, “Maybe, based on that painful trip down memory lane, the thought of you talking to his fiancée doesn’t exactly inspire me right now.”

“Look, I didn’t say anything to her, I didn’t even really remember she was his fiancée we were just making polite party small talk.” Roan tells her, and Clarke believes him, Roan’s a lot of things but he doesn’t lie unnecessarily.

“As for Bellamy, that was kind of an accident.”

Clarke fixes him with a look, “Ok emphasis on kind of, not accident.” He adds.

“Honestly he was being a bit of a dick, trying to flex his muscles and I just told him, in not so many words, that I don’t take advice from cheating scumbags. I’m sorry Clarke, I wasn’t trying to upset you.” He looks so upset she can’t help but believe him.

“I know.” She says leaning into him as his arm curls round her, “The whole thing is such a mess though, and I can’t even fix it because not only do I not know how I’m at a goddamn family party.”

As if on cue, Miss Connie, Clarke’s former babysitter comes up to the two of them and starts cooing what an adorable couple they make.

 

Clarke doesn’t see Bellamy again. She sees the rest of her friends, hugs them all goodbye, even Gina. She takes Raven’s extra long hug and inquisitive gaze and promises to talk to her, about everything, when she isn’t in the middle of a family party.

If Clarke was to think back on it, she’s not sure how she got through the final few hours of the party. She's glad when her parents and a few of their closest friends end up in the kitchen, laughing and drinking, it means she’s able to make an excuse and head up to her room.

Roan comes in to see if she’s ok but she feigns sleep and even though she knows he doesn’t believe it – she’s lying fully clothed on top of her quilt with fresh tears on her face – he leaves, giving her the space she needs.

She gets a message from him about twenty minutes after he comes into her room:

 **Roan:** _hey, I’m here if you want to talk. Going into town to give you some space but I’m here._

A few moments later another message comes through:

 **Roan:** _really sorry I made shit worse._

A fresh wave of tears hits Clarke but she replies to Roan.

 **Clarke:** _you didn’t, not really. I’ll be ok, just need to be on my own tonight. Talk tomorrow._

She doesn’t know if she’ll feel up for telling him anything tomorrow, but she knows it buys her time. She turns her phone off completely and kicks her shoes off and gets into bed in her dress.

Clarke doesn’t think sleep will come easily but she tries, it’s better than crying and tormenting herself with thoughts of how wrong she’s been for the last five years.

 

Raven hadn’t really planned on going to the bar, but it’s Saturday night and she felt weird after the party, not able to settle after walking in on whatever was happening with Clarke and Bellamy. So she decided that some drinks, to take her mind off everything, were what she needed.

Of course, she sees Roan sitting at a table towards the back as soon she walks into The Ark. She contemplates ignoring him, but that’s not exactly her style and before she’s really thought about it she’s standing in front of his table.

“Why aren’t you with Clarke?” she asks.

He hesitates for a split second then says: “She’s doing family stuff.”

“Right,” Raven scoffs, “I saw how upset she was earlier.”

“That wasn’t my intention. I was only stating facts, Clarke is my friend -”

Raven cuts him off, suddenly furious, how dare he play the friend card when he has no idea what’s happened.

“You know what you sanctimonious ass, Clarke is my friend and you don’t get to come in here and whip up a hornets nest because you’re bored or whatever. So why don’t you take your meddling rich-boy charm, hop back on your little plane and fuck off.”

There's a beat then Roan says: “It’s not little.”

That stops Raven who had started to walk away, “huh?” she says turning back to him.

“My plane, it’s not little.”

“That’s what you’ve taken from that. That’s why you’re offended?” she splutters, too shocked to be amused.

“Well, I do have a certain rich-boy charm and you’ve clearly made your assumptions about me, which I can’t change. So, yeah, the misinformation about my plane is what bugs me.”

Raven is speechless. Roan doesn’t look annoyed, merely a bit tired and possibly a bit amused and she doesn’t know what to make of him.

Raven looks at him sceptically before making her mind up, “don’t move. I’m going to get a drink and then we’ll talk.”

Raven is at the bar when Octavia and Lincoln walk in, she waves to them and they head over to her.

“Hey, what are you doing here? I thought you took Gina home.”

“We did.” Lincoln answers.

“But when we got there Bell was in their room, and when he came out it was obvious he was upset, so Lincoln said we should give them space.” Octavia adds, her tone makes it obvious she doesn’t think it was the best plan.

“There was a vibe, they needed to talk.” Lincoln says reasonably, turning and ordering drinks for him and Octavia.

“What kind of vibe?” Raven asks.

“It was bad. Tense.” Octavia answers, half-shrugging her confusion.

“Look,” Raven says, putting money on the counter for her beer, “full disclosure… Roan’s here.”

“Clarke’s friend, from the party.” She clarifies at Octavia’s blank look.

“And I was going to sit with him.”

Raven leaves out the part where she was going to quiz him over why exactly Bellamy and Clarke were such a mess earlier because she has a very strong suspicion that he knows.

“Can we join?” Lincoln asks.

“Why would we do that?” Octavia says turning to him with a scowl.

“Well, he seemed alright earlier and he’s a friend of Clarke’s we should get to know him.” He says evenly.

“Why? She’s leaving again in a few days, what does it matter?” Octavia counters.

“We don’t have to.” He says, “I just thought it would be nice.”

“Fine, but if he says anything about my brother…” Octavia trails off.

Raven decides Octavia must not know what happened earlier and thinks it’d be sensible to keep that information quiet.

The three of them walk back to the table and Raven introduces them.

“Roan, do you remember Lincoln and Octavia from earlier?”

“Bellamy’s sister.” Octavia adds, somewhat unnecessarily.

Roan raises an eyebrow and smirks, “I see.”

“I think now would be a good time to say Lincoln is a cop and Octavia is a black-belt so maybe try to be less of an ass.” Raven says scowling at Roan as they all sit.

“Black belt in…” Roan asks?

When it’s obvious Octavia is not going to answer Lincoln supplies, “Judo. But she is also trained in some Brazilian Jiu-jitsu and kickboxing. So I really wouldn’t piss her off.”

“Understood.” Roan says reasonably, “I’m actually got up to my black and corals in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.”

“Really?” Raven asks surprised, “why does a rich-kid like you need self defence?”

“It’s not just self defence, although that is a big part of it, but actually I did it when I was training to be an MMA fighter to piss of my mom.” He laughs.

Raven and Lincoln join in the laughter and even Octavia smiles.

The conversation moves on with discussions about training, self-defence and sport in general and by the time Miller and Monty come into the bar the conversation is not exactly flowing but it’s easier and friendlier.

They all get some more drinks and Raven thinks she can see why Roan is Clarke’s friend. His humour is dry and sarcastic like theirs and yeah, he’s rich but he’s not showy with it.

Raven is chatting with Monty and Roan about the Tesla, picking up on their conversation from the afternoon, when the atmosphere changes.

“I’ve just got a message from Gina,” she hears Miller say quietly to Octavia, “it says: do you know what happened at the party, Bellamy won’t talk to me and I’m getting freaked out.”

“What the fuck?” Octavia says loudly enough for all other conversations at the table to stop.

She reads the message aloud and then turns to face Roan.

“Why do I feel like my brothers emotional state has something to do with you?” she snarls.

Raven jumps in before Roan can say anything, “actually I think it has something to do with Clarke.”

“Obviously” Miller mutters.

“I saw Bellamy and Clarke at the party, just before the speeches when I had to go and find Clarke and well, they looked like they’d had a pretty serious talk.” Raven says.

“But here’s the thing, I saw you,” Monty says pointing at Roan, “talking to Bellamy at the bar and it didn’t exactly look like a pleasant chat.”

All of them turn to look at Roan.

“I know you want me to be the bad guy, I get it. But I’m not going to apologise, just because Clarke won’t talk about the fact that he cheated on her with that girl and broke her heart doesn’t mean I won’t call him out on it.”

There’s a stunned silence, which Roan assumes is a dismissal. He goes to stand but Raven, the first to recover, grabs his wrist.

“Wait, explain.” She says at the same time Octavia says:

“Yeah, what the fuck.”

Roan sits down again reluctantly and runs his hand through his hair.

“What’s to explain?” he shrugs, “Cheating is a sore subject for me, and I know Clarke wants to move past it but yeah, it bugged me to see him being so fucking brazen.”

Lincoln’s arm is around Octavia’s waist, holding her back from Roan, before anyone else realises she’d moved.

“Watch what you say about my brother.” She growls.

“Ok, can everyone just calm down.” Monty says calmly.

“Explain,” Raven says, “because as far as we know Bellamy has never cheated on anyone.”

“And sure as hell didn’t cheat on Clarke.” Miller adds fervently.

“Look, I don’t know. I wasn’t here but that’s what Clarke told me. She said that her boyfriend was sleeping with her friend and then the friend died and the boyfriend got hurt and it all ended.”

“What?” Monty says quietly.

Roan looks around at their confused and angry faces as Raven says: “We really have no clue what you’re talking about.”

“It’s not our business.” Lincoln says trying to keep things calm.

“The hell it isn’t.” Octavia snaps.

“Yeah, I’m with Octavia on this one. What the fuck are you talking about?” Miller says turning back to Roan.

“Explain, from the beginning.”

“Fine.” Roan huffs.

“My mom and Clarke’s mom go way back so when she came to Georgetown I’d see her occasionally. I knew about the accident of course and that Clarke came home for the rest of the school year but I had my own shit going on so wasn’t really focused on her.”

“We don’t need your fucking life story.” Octavia mutters.

“Do you want to hear this or not?” Roan snaps.

“Sorry,” Raven says glaring at Octavia, “keep going.”

“Anyway, the following year she’s back. I see her, but she’s different. She’s smaller somehow, quieter. I found out she was pulling double course loads, so assume that was it. I didn’t think about it until Thanksgiving. My mother throws a party, which is essentially mandatory for anyone wanting to get into medicine. Clarke’s there and she gets drunk, like really drunk.”

Roan tilts the liquid around in his glass as he carries on speaking, not looking at any one of them.

“The party is at my house, so I take Clarke to one of the guest rooms to sleep it off before anyone can notice. She’s crying on the way there, making no sense, talking about how this time last year she thought she had it all but really he was sleeping with a girl who’s now dead and he might as well be.”

Raven and Miller share a look as Monty gasps quietly.

“She was mumbling and I had no clue what she was talking about. So I told her to sleep it off.”

He looks up.

“I thought that would be the end of it, but the next day Clarke finds me and apologises. She tells me more about the accident, from her perspective rather than the vague details I knew. She told me that the friend died and that while she was grieving for her friend and trying to be there for her boyfriend she found out they’d been sleeping together.”

“Bullshit.” Monty snarls.

“Man, I’m just telling you what Clarke told me,” He pauses before adding, “What she thinks.”

“That’s why she left.” Raven mutters. Then louder she says, “But he wouldn’t, Bellamy wouldn’t.”

“Of course Bell wouldn’t.” Octavia snaps, “he’s obviously lying,” she says glaring at Roan.

“Why would I lie?” Roan asks, “Clarke told me that her boyfriend – your brother – and that girl were hooking up -”

“That girl was called Harper.” Monty snaps.

“Fuck, I need some air.” Monty says after a moment.

“Me too.” Octavia says.

They go outside as Raven says to Roan, “The girl you keep referring to was Harper, Monty’s girlfriend.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.” Miller says. After a beat he adds, “Should they really be on their own right now?”

“No, probably not. I’ll go.” Lincoln says standing up walking out after Monty and Octavia.

“What do you think?” Raven says turning to Miller. They’ve both been there from the beginning – she trusts his opinion.

“I don’t think… no, I know Bellamy wouldn’t have cheated on Clarke. He was fucking destroyed when she left.” Miller says confidently.

“Agreed.”

There’s a pause then Raven says, “But I can see that Clarke might believe he did. I mean, we’ve never thought it made sense right? Her leaving like that but if she thought he was cheating, then maybe.”

“Maybe.” Miller nods.

“It’s all such a fucking mess.”

“So you didn’t know they were hooking up? The girl and Bellamy?” Roan asks.

“Harper. And no.” Miller replies coldly glaring at Roan.

“I think maybe I should go.” Roan says.

“Yeah, I think that might not be a bad idea.” Raven replies giving him a small smile.

“I really didn’t mean to whip up trouble.” He tells her quietly as he gets up.

She doesn’t reply, just nods.

Miller and Raven are mostly just silent, lost in their own memories of five years ago, until Monty, Octavia and Lincoln come back into the bar.

“Octavia, I know you probably want to speak to Bellamy but right now, I think we all need to stay out of this until we hear it from them.” Raven says as calmly as she can.

“Easy for you to say, he’s my brother.”

“I know and it’s not easy for me to say but right now, we know Roan’s version of Clarke’s version and that’s it.”

“I agree with Raven.” Lincoln says, “this doesn’t involve us, not really, it goes back years.”

“It involves me.” Monty says quietly, “if it’s true, it means Harper was cheating on me too.”

“It’s not true.” Octavia says emphatically, grabbing Monty’s hand.

“You need to speak to Clarke, when you feel up to it.” Raven says taking Monty’s other hand and giving it a squeeze, “the rest of us need to stay out of it. Agreed.”

They all agree, even Octavia who looks like she wants to fight Raven on it.

“Shit,” Miller says after a while, “what do I say to Gina?”

 

“Have you seen my keys?”

“What are you doing?” Gina asks, starting at the noise.

Bellamy has been in his, their, room since she got back to the house. He wouldn’t tell her what was wrong, she even text Miller for help. Now he’s striding like a man possessed into the lounge, where she’d been sitting pretending to read but really was just worrying.

He’s moving piles of paper around and turning everything upside down searching for his keys.

“I said, have you seen my keys?”

“And I said, what is going on!” Gina snaps.

He turns to look at her then, running his hand through his hair and not really meeting her eye.

“Look I just need to get a bit of air, go for a drive.”

“What is going on Bellamy?” she asks standing, taking a half step towards him.

“I told you...”

“No, actually, you didn’t. You told me you need air and for the however many hours before that you’ve told me nothing. Talk to me.”

“I don’t know what to say.” He’s still looking for his keys but it’s more avoidance now than anything.

“It’s about Clarke, I presume.”

“What makes you say that?”

“You know what, I am not even dignifying that with a response.”

“Fine.” He huffs.

“No Bell, not fine. None of this is fucking fine.” She shouts.

He stops then, looking sheepish, and really looks at her, “I know.”

“But you still won’t talk to me.”

“I can’t. It’s too messed up.”

“Please Bellamy. Before I was your girlfriend, I was your friend, just talk to me. Don’t leave me in the dark on this. It’s not fair.” She pleads.

It’s true. They’d been friends first, a casual hi, a smile, then flirtation that had grown into more. Something that for him, right now, seems to belong to another person another life ago.

“You won’t like it.”

“I don’t like anything about the last week but we are where we are.” She says with a watery laugh, her tone resigned.

He thinks then that when the dust settles he will miss Gina. Miss her calm head and straightforward manner. Miss her easy way with love, generous, not broken like him. Or Clarke.

“I found out that Clarke broke up with me because she thought I was cheating on her.”

“Were you?”

“What the fuck? No!”

“I had to ask. I didn’t know you then, you were at different schools and you were a rising football star,” she shrugs instead of finishing the sentence.

“I would never, could never, cheat on Clarke.” He says emphatically.

If Gina notices the present tense she doesn’t say anything.

“Ok, so you know and she knows you know?”

He nods.

“Does she know it isn’t true?”

He nods again.

“So basically you’ve both spent the last five years, apart, because she believed something that wasn’t true.”

He doesn’t respond but she continues:

“And, if I know you, which I do, you’re probably thinking you should have known back then, fixed it somehow.”

He just shrugs.

“I am not going to tell you what to do.” She sighs.

“I didn’t...”

She holds up a hand to stop him.

“I won’t tell you to fix things with Clarke because I know that means the end of us. But I won’t tell you not to because that would also mean the end of us. You wouldn’t forgive me and I’d always wonder if you stayed because I made you.”

She has tears in her eyes and he thinks he might too he certainly feels that pain in the bridge of his nose he usually gets when he’s about to cry.

“You have to do what you have to do. And we’ll...” she breaks then, unable to stop from crying.

He’s with her in seconds his arms wrap around her as she cries, and he tries not to.

“I love you.” He whispers into her hair, holding her tightly.

“I know and I love you too. But I won’t be second best.” She sniffs straightening up, moving a step back from him, “I watched my dad do it my whole life and I won’t put myself through that.”

“Your keys are on the table.” She says turning away from him and walking into her, their, room.

When she’s sure he’s gone, when she’s sure that he won’t be back for a while she cries, she screams in the back of her throat a sound mingled with tears. And then she crawls into bed, alone, which is how she stays for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Too much angst?
> 
> I really struggled with this chapter in terms of editing - I had to rewrite the entire bar scene after my computer literally blew up and nothing was saved - I'm pretty sure I could have taken out some of the more lighthearted scenes but I wanted to show that all the Bellarke stuff isn't happening in a bubble. It affects them all especially Monty and Gina, my poor Gina, who really deserves a break.
> 
> Let me know what you think, the comments on the last chapter were so thoughtful and considered it made me so happy.


	7. SUNDAY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, we've made it to Sunday and the aftermath of the Bellamy/Clarke revelations, which is essentially 10k of everyone talking - it's a bit of a beast again! I actually think this chapter is less angsty than Saturday but maybe I've just become immune... 
> 
> For everyone who has been reading and commenting, I cannot thank you enough. It truly has brightened my days to know that I'm not just shouting into an empty room with this fic.

The early morning light is filtering through Clarke’s window when she feels someone shaking her awake.

“Roan?” she croaks sleepily.

“What time is it?” she asks as he sits down on her bed.

“Early.”

She reaches for her phone forgetting she turned it off last night. She turns it back on and waits, in the meantime grabbing his wrist to look at the time on his, obviously expensive, watch.

“It’s six am on a Sunday, what the fuck! Why are you in my room?”

He chuckles quietly, then says, “I’ve been summoned back by my mother and wanted to says bye…”

He pauses then adds, “and to see if you needed a ride.”

She sits up sleepily, still wearing her dress from the party, which Roan notices.

“You look like shit by the way.” He says. 

She huffs, “honestly, you are a contrary bastard. You come in here with offers of letting me escape from my problems, then say I look shit.”

“Both things can be true.” He smirks at her.

“They can,” she concedes, “And thank you for the offer of the plane but I think I need to actually stay and sort my shit this time.”

“Well if you need me, you know where I am.” Roan says.

“I do, and thank you for everything.” She replies sincerely.

“What even the part where I told your ex the real reason you broke up, only for it to apparently not be true.” He says guiltily.

She grimaces but takes his hand and squeezes it, “yes, even that. Because as shitty as yesterday was, and it really was, whatever happens now we’re all coming at it from the same place, you know?”

“Since you’re in an understanding mood, is now the time to tell you I bumped into Raven and the others at the bar last night and well, it all kind of came out.”

“Seriously?” She asks, eyes narrowing.

“‘Fraid so.”

“How is it you can keep a secret for like four years but two days in this town…” she trails off. She’s not really annoyed at him she figured they’d all find out eventually.

“It’s fine.” She sighs.

“Yeah?” 

She nods. 

“If you think about it, it’s kinda like I did you a favour… telling them so you don’t have to.” He smirks. 

“I wouldn’t go that far.” She says rolling her eyes, but she’s smiling.

He leans over to hug her.

“If you need anything – an escape, a place to hide a body, for me to date Raven as a distracting cover story…”

She laughs, an actual real laugh, as she hugs him back.

“You’ll be the first person I call.” She tells him, “Fly safe.”

He hugs her once more and gets up to leave closing her door softly as he goes. She knows that he’ll have left flowers for her mum and probably a nice bottle of scotch for her dad because that’s who he is.

An impeccably brought up, well-mannered man who, as she’s discovered, is incapable of not getting involved when he thinks his friends have been wronged. 

As she flops back down in her bed Clarke thinks that whatever happens today, at least Roan is on her side and that’s no bad thing.

She looks at her phone unsurprised to see a screen full of notifications.

She glances through the messages from Raven that mostly consist of: ‘are you oks?’ and a plea to ‘not just leave’.

She steels herself before opening the one from Monty that was sent last night.

 **Monty:** _Hey – think we need to talk. Breakfast tomorrow? You can come over._

Clarke knows she owes it to Monty to talk and replies:

_Phone was off last night, sorry. Yes to breakfast. I’m already up, obvs, so let me know when is good and I’ll come to you._

Clarke gets up. She knows she won’t go back to sleep now and there are things she needs to do today, conversations she needs to have. She knows she’ll feel better after a shower and coffee and then she can do what she always does in times of crisis – make a plan.

 

Bellamy is lying on the couch in Monty and Miller’s apartment, not sleeping. He knows he did fall asleep at some point because he woke with a crick in his neck from lying at an awkward angle but he doesn’t remember what time that was.

He had turned up last night, after midnight, not able to face going home but not knowing where else to go. He didn’t want to explain or talk about it, not yet. Miller didn’t ask any questions when he’d arrived – other than if he was ok – then he had just thrown a pillow and blanket at him and said he could take the couch.

He hadn’t seen Monty.

Bellamy looks at his phone, 7.20am. Too early to be awake too late to go back to sleep, not that he could if he wanted to.

He checks his messages, nothing from Gina, or Clarke. One from Octavia.

 **O:** _Are you ok?_

He replies.

_Yeah, fine. Just crashed at Miller’s. See you later._

It’s half true he thinks, and about as true as he wants to get into at this time in the morning.

He knows he won’t sleep anymore, so gets up and tiptoes into the kitchen to make some coffee.

Monty and Miller’s apartment is a light-filled one-bed in town. It’s a decent size – a cop and an IT fixer make good enough money – and since they moved there 18 months ago they’ve really made it their own. The kitchen is surprisingly well stocked considering neither of them really cook, but they like gadgets.

Bellamy fiddles with their fancy coffee machine, trying to turn it on quietly but the thing is practically barista grade and makes his head hurt.

He hears someone pad into the kitchen and turns to see Monty in grey sweats and an IT Crowd t-shirt.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you. Your coffee machine is far too complex for an amateur like me.” He tries to joke, but it falls flat.

“You didn’t wake me.” Monty says evenly, coming and taking over from Bellamy, “I didn’t sleep too good.”

After a pause where he turns the machine on, the sound of it filling the kitchen, he says:

“Plus, Clarke text me at like 6am.”

His back is still to Bellamy, who is sitting at the table now, so he can’t read Monty’s face but the tone is deliberately casual.

“Oh.” Is all he says, running his hands through his hair.

“Yeah, oh.” Monty replies turning around.

He’s looking at Bellamy who is looking at the table, his face is wary, as if debating something.

“I was going to talk to Clarke about this but you’re here and…”

Bellamy looks up then.

“Were you sleeping with Harper?” Monty asks.

“No.” Bellamy replies honestly.

“But Clarke thought you were.” It’s not a question so Bellamy doesn’t say anything, just kind of nods.

“Did you ever hook up with her? Ever?”

“No.” Bellamy says emphatically.

“Ok.” Monty nods, turning back to the coffee machine and grabbing two mugs.

“Ok?” Bellamy asks, “That’s it.”

“What else is there? You said you weren’t and I believe you.” Monty says a small tremor in his voice belying his calm exterior.

“Just like that?”

“Should I not?” Monty asks, looking at Bellamy as he brings the mugs over and sits down. “Cream’s in the fridge.”

Bellamy nods but takes the mug anyway, just holding it.

“Of course you should believe me, I’m telling the truth but I thought you’d have questions.”

“I do, of course I do. But for mostly for Clarke, not you.” Monty grabs the cream from the fridge, because he’s known Bellamy long enough to know how he takes his coffee, and slides it to Bellamy who hasn’t moved.

“You said you weren’t with Harper, and I believe you. Not just because you’re saying it but I knew her, you weren’t her type. You’re attractive obviously, but Harp was less about the All-American football stud.” He says with a small smile, before he continues, “And yeah, we were having problems too but they were on me, not her.” 

“Thanks man.” Bellamy says softly, taking the cream, playing it off like he’s talking about the coffee.

Monty nods.

They’re still at the table when Miller comes out half an hour later, not really talking just sitting in silence.

“Your phone was going.” He says handing it Monty and kissing his forehead.

“Blake.” He nods at Bellamy.

“It’s Clarke,” Monty says, “I asked her to come over for breakfast, so we could talk. She’s asking if nine works.”

They all look at the Captain America clock on the wall, a secret Santa gift from Raven last year – 7.50.

There’s an awkward pause before Bellamy says: “If you’re worried about me, don’t. I can leave now.”

“No you don’t have to run off.” Miller says.

“I should get home anyway.” Bellamy replies with a shrug.

“At least finish your coffee.” Monty smiles. 

Bellamy just nods.

“I’m going to take a shower,” Monty says.

He stands and impulsively hugs Bellamy – it’s just an arm around his shoulder but is unusual for them – they don’t hug. Bellamy pats Monty’s arm.

“Just thought we both needed it.” Monty says a bit awkwardly, straightening up and going into the bathroom.

“So you guys talked.” Miller says sitting down opposite Bellamy.

“We did.”

“Good.” Miller says evenly.

“I’m guessing you all know, but I can’t quite work out how.”

“Roan. We bumped into him at the bar and it all, uhh, came out.”

“Fucking Roan.”

Miller laughs half-heartedly before saying, “To be fair, he thought he was telling us something we already knew.”

“Who’s we?” Bellamy asks, but he’s pretty sure he already knows the answer

“The usual – me, Monty, Raven, O and Lincoln.”

“Does Gina know?” Miller asks softly. 

“Yeah, we uhh, kinda talked yesterday. But I need to go home, talk to her properly.” Bellamy sighs.

Miller is watching him, a contemplative look on his face and when he speaks his words are careful, considered.

“You know I love Gina, we all do. But I’m with you whatever, whoever, you decide. And if that’s to fuck off to some monastery somewhere I’ll be sad, but I’ll get it.”

Bellamy laughs.

“But, for what its worth, I don’t think you should fuck off anywhere right now. In fact I don’t think you should make any big decisions. Yesterday, this whole week in fact, has been a total brain-fuck for you… for all of you. You’re allowed to sit with that for a bit.”

Bellamy nods, then smirks, “You know, you being supportive and actually talkative is a lot for my brain to deal with before 8am.”

“Fuck you.” Miller shoots back easily, “See if you ever get any of my patented Miller wisdom again.”

Bellamy leaves not long after that – he is in no mood to cross paths with Clarke – even though he knows they need to talk. But he feels lighter on the drive back, yeah it’s a mess and he has absolutely zero clue what he’s going to do but at least he has Miller and by extension Monty.

He has people, and that’s not nothing.

 

Clarke crosses Miller on the stairs on her way up to see Monty and she’s sure that he planned it that way.

“Griffin,” he nods.

“Miller.”

She’s at the top of the stairs about to knock when Miller starts speaking and she turns to face him. 

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on or what you thought then… but Monty is one of the good ones–”

“I don’t need the ‘hurt him and I’ll hurt you’ speech.” She interrupts wearily.

“Good, because that ship sailed. You’ve already hurt him Clarke,” he says, his voice cold, and adds “and Bellamy.” 

She deflates a bit then.

“But I think you know that and me having a go at you won’t change it. All I was going to say is that Monty deserves the truth – all of it. I don’t. Raven doesn’t. But he does, and so does Bellamy.”

She nods, “I know.”

He turns then and she adds, “for what it’s worth… I never meant for any of this to happen.”

“I know, but it did.” He shrugs, before he leaves and she’s left alone building up the courage to knock on the door.

 

“Hey” she says softly when Monty lets her in. 

“Hey.”

He looks tired, she’s pretty sure she looks the same but she hates that she’s in anyway responsible for it. It’s not like she didn’t think about Monty back then but she tried not to dwell, it was just easier to not think of any of it. A decision she is very much regretting.

“Do you want coffee?”

“Uh, sure.”

She follows him into the kitchen, she’s not been to his place before and can’t help look around.

“Your place is really nice.”

“Really Clarke, we’re going to do fucking small talk.” He spits.

“I uhh… sorry… I don’t really know where to start.”

“I know what you thought happened but I want to hear it from you,” he starts, “so how about we start with the fact the real reason you broke up with Bellamy was because you thought he was cheating on you, with Harper. Or maybe we start with the fact that you thought that and didn’t tell me even though Harper was my girlfriend. Or what about the fact that you ran away Clarke, without even talking to any of us.”

By the time he’s finished he’s practically shouting at her, Clarke has only seen Monty this angry once before, and it was when he came to see her in D.C.

“Ok, I’ll explain. Can we sit?”

Monty takes them through to the lounge, coffee forgotten, and they sit at either end of the couch.

“You knew Bellamy and I were fighting a lot fall semester. He was always busy with football, we never saw each other, and it just sucked. College was harder than I was expecting and I just felt so alone.”

He nods, but doesn’t interrupt.

“Do you remember we were all meant to go to the A&M vs USC game to watch Bellamy, but you got sick and I had a huge test?”

“Yeah, vaguely.”

“Well, Bellamy and I had a huge row about that one. It was so stupid but at the time it felt so huge, anyway by the weekend of the game we were barely even talking. But Harper still went because USC was her school and her friends were going. They sent me a selfie of them after the game. It was cute and silly and I missed them both so much.”

“Yeah they sent me the same one.”

“Anyway, that was like October time, right? I saw Bellamy at Thanksgiving and it was good, we were good, we’d been nicer to each other since the game and I think that helped. I noticed him and Harper hanging out a bit at Thanksgiving but I didn’t think much of it – we all hung out with each other, that’s just what we did.”

“But then we all went back off to school and Bellamy and I were arguing again. I tried talking to Harper about it, she’d always been a good go-to person with stuff like that but she was vague and dismissive. I know everything always thinks I’m a self-absorbed princess but I really didn’t think it was about me, I just assumed she was busy, or things were tough with you guys. I tried to be there for her.”

“Things were tough for us Clarke. I was about 90 per cent certain I was gay and we were pretty sure we were going to break up at Christmas. It was a shit time.” He says sadly, before adding sarcastically, “I didn’t think she was cheating on me though.” 

“I didn’t at think that at the time.” She argues back, “But there were little things, she’d tell me stuff that Bellamy was doing before he told me or he’d tell me about some friend of Harper’s I hadn’t heard of but still, I didn’t really think about it. I assumed I was so busy with school I was out of the loop.”

She pauses.

“I didn’t think much of it until both of them lied to me about what time Harper’s flight was getting in before Christmas.”

“Huh?” Monty looks confused.

“Her flight landed at 10am, not 8pm. They lied.” She says flatly.

“No,” he says shaking his head, “Bellamy was picking her up from the airport when they crashed.”

“That’s what they said but it wasn’t true. I only knew because she’d been on the phone to me when she booked her flight and I remembered her complaining about having to get up so early. And then a month or so later I checked the flights for that day, the only one from LA to Austin was in the morning.”

“But, I don’t get it. Why would they lie?”

“They were spending the day together, but not like that. Bellamy wanted Harper’s help, uhh, buying me a present.”

Clarke doesn’t know why she doesn’t say they were shopping for a ring, it would be more convincing but it feels like something personal. If Bellamy has never told everyone, she doesn’t feel like she should.

“Ok. Even so, that doesn’t mean they were together, together.”

“I know. It’s hard to explain but surely you must remember what it was like back then.”

“Of course, I try not to, but of course.” He says his voice thick.

“Bellamy was in the hospital, Harper was gone. I don’t think any of us slept more than a few hours in that first week. So the fact that I knew they’d been spending more time together, that I knew Bellamy was lying about picking her up, I was suspicious… then I overheard something, something I now know was completely not what I thought, but at the time, in that state.” She shrugs, “I thought was about them being together.”

“What was it?”

“I uhh, I can’t say.”

At Monty’s sceptical looks she adds, “It’s to do with Bellamy and it doesn’t feel like my part of the story to tell but I promise it was nothing. It’s so obviously nothing now that I can’t believe I ever thought it was.”

He nods but doesn’t look convinced.

“I can talk to Bellamy, ask him if it’s ok to…”

She trails off because what can she say.

Monty leans over and takes her hand, “It’s ok.”

They are quiet for a bit until Monty lets go of her hand and says:

“Ok, say I believe you thought that they were cheating, why didn’t you come to me?”

“I wanted to but Harper was gone. What would it help? All it would do would be to damage your memories of her the way mine were.” Clarke tells him, tears of frustration for all the years she lost with everyone brimming in her eyes.

“Did you hate her?” he asks sadly.

“No. I hated that I couldn’t hate her because she was dead. I was fucking furious with her for being dead, with Bellamy for being injured.”

“That’s why you left.”

It’s less of a question, more of a realisation.

“Yeah. I know it was a shitty thing to do but, Mon, I couldn’t be here. I was so angry all the time and then I felt guilty for being angry and the whole thing just went round and round.” 

He leans forward and grabs her in a tight hug that she returns just as tightly.

“I really wish you’d talked to me. Or someone.”

“Me too.” She says watery.

“I don’t know how helpful it is to know now, but he would never have cheated on you. And she wouldn’t have done that either.” He says pulling back.

“I know.” Clarke replies sadly.

“Fuck, I wish you’d told me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know.” He nods.

“What are you going to do now?”

“You mean who’s next on the Clarke Griffin absolution tour.”

‘Not quite... you know we all know, right?” He says hesitantly.

She nods, and he carries on speaking in a hesitant tone:

“And uhh, Bellamy stayed here last night, so I assume he told Gina.”

“Oh.”

Clarke turns so she’s leaning against Monty, both of them leaning back on the couch.

“I like Gina.” She says quietly.

“Me too. But whatever happens between them, that’s not on you Clarke.”

“It kinda is. This whole fucking mess is on me.”

“Technically, yes. But if Bellamy and Gina want to be together they’ll make it work and if they don’t, or can’t, then that’s on them.”

She goes to speak but Monty interrupts and says, “You made a unilateral decision once and it didn’t exactly pan out, so maybe just don’t this time.”

“That sounds like something Miller would say,” she huffs grumpily leaning her head on Monty’s shoulder.

“Yeah, I know. It’s a worry.” Monty replies fondly, leaning his head on hers.

“I’m happy you’re happy.”

“Thanks. I know right now you might not be happy, but it will pass, the worst has happened and you survived. You’ll be ok.” He tells her.

 

Bellamy sees Gina as he pulls up to the house. She’s sitting on the steps of the front porch resting her arms on her knees. 

She looked up when she heard the car and follows him with her eyes as he gets out and comes to sit next to her.

“Hey.” She says as he sits down.

“Hey – what are you doing out here?”

“Waiting for you.” She shrugs.

They both start to speak:

“I’m going…”

“I’m sorry I…”

There’s an awkward pause, then Gina turns to him and smiles softly: “You go.”

“No, it’s ok. What were you going to say?”

“I, uhh… I’m going to stay with my friend Bryan for a few days. Lincoln’s gonna drop me in town before his shift and I’ll get the bus from there.”

“Bryan? Atlanta Bryan?” He’s looking at her, confused.

“Yeah. I need to get away for a bit and he’s just broken up with his boyfriend so the timing worked.”

“Is this your way of telling me you’re breaking up with me?” Bellamy asks harshly.

“No. Not unless that’s what you want.” She replies deliberately even.

“It’s not. Sorry. I just, I don’t have the best track record of women I love going to other states.”

“This isn’t that Bellamy.”

He nods.

“I need space to think. We both do.”

“I can think with you here.” He says softly.

“Can you? Then where were you last night Bell?”

He looks down sheepishly, “Sorry, I went to Miller’s. I would’ve called but I didn’t know if you’d want me to. Are you mad?”

“No, not mad. But I was worried.”

She turns away from him tracing a pattern on her knee.

“I was worried for you… but I also thought you might be with Clarke, and then I was worried for me.” She says quietly.

“I wasn’t, I wouldn’t.” he says emphatically.

“But you get why that’s we need space, right?”

“Honestly, no.” he huffs, frustrated.

“Really?” she says sceptically.

“We need to talk, not be apart.”

“Yeah, we need to talk but we need to know what we’re talking about. You just got Clarke back –”

“I didn’t.” he interrupts.

“I don’t mean like that. Whatever happens next, you and Clarke… there’s no reason for you to not interact now. You can be friends.”

“She lives in D.C.”

“And Bryan lives in Atlanta, we’re still friends.” She replies rolling her eyes, “Your friends don’t all have to live in the same tiny town.”

He’s quiet so she continues:

“I like Clarke. If she were my friend who I hadn’t had around for years based on a messed-up misunderstanding I’d want her back. And I’m not saying you feel like that, but you might. At the very least Raven or Monty might.” 

“Just because I might want her around, doesn’t mean I want you gone.” He tells her eventually.

“I know and just because I’m going away for a few days doesn’t mean I’m gone. School starts in a week, so I’ll definitely be back for that. I just need some space to clear my head.”

He nods.

“I need to be around people who are mine.”

“I’m yours.” He tells her, taking her hand.

“But you were Clarke’s first.” She says her voice uneven with tears, “And everyone here – Raven, Miller, Monty, even Octavia – all of them were yours and Clarke’s first. I need someone who is absolutely mine.”

“At least let me take you into town.” He says, but she shakes her head.

“It’s easier this way Bell, I promise.”

She stands then and he follows suit.

“I love you. But I need this for me. I am not leaving you, not like this.” She tells him.

“I love you too and whatever we decide, I want us to decide it together.” He says brushing away the one tear that is making its escape down her face.

“Me too.” 

They both cling onto each other in a hug.

“Call me when you get there, ok?”

“Of course.”

She lets go of him to go inside and get her stuff, and to let Lincoln know she’s ready.

Bellamy can’t help remember the last time someone walked away from him and he knows it’s different, realistically he knows why Gina is going but he feels like it’s too soon to be making that choice. He doesn’t know what he wants but knows he doesn’t want to lose her forever, like he thought he had with Clarke. 

Lincoln claps Bellamy on the shoulder as he comes down out of the house with Gina’s bag. Bellamy pulls Gina into another hug once she comes down the steps, he tries to put everything he’s feeling into it – to show her that he wants her to come home.

When he lets her go, she smiles at him and squeezes his hand. She smiles sadly at Octavia, who has come out of the house too and then turns and walks to the car.

“You ok?” Octavia asks leaning into his side.

“Not even close.” He replies putting an arm around her shoulders.

They watch Lincoln’s car until it turns off the end of the driveway.

“Come on, let’s go inside. It’s too early to drink but I might be able to cook some pancakes.”

“O, you can’t cook. And you’re not legally meant to drink.” He says tiredly.

“I’m only hearing problems here big brother. Not solutions.” She says, raising a small smile from him as she pulls him into the house.

Bellamy isn’t hungry but he lets Octavia bully him into letting her make some toast and coffee while he takes a shower.

He feels better for the shower until he walks into his bedroom and remembers that Gina won’t be back tonight and that Clarke didn’t leave all those years ago because she hated him like he thought.

He manages to get dressed but the thoughts of the last 24 hours keep swirling around his head. He sits down on the end of the bed with his head in his hands. He’s not sure how long he’s been sitting like that when Octavia walks in, a plate of toast in her hand.

“When was the last time you ate?” She says handing him the plate.

“You sound like me.” He replies.

“Probably because you pretty much raised me dummy. Also don’t think I missed the avoidance,” She smiles and sits next to him, “eat the damn toast.” 

He picks at a corner of it to please her but he really doesn’t feel hungry, he doesn’t know what he feels.

“You’re surprisingly calm.” He says to her after he’s finished his mouthful of toast.

He’d expected Octavia to be ranting and raving when he got back, not this calm caretaker version of his sister.

She looks a little embarrassed.

“Lincoln had a little chat with me…” she starts, “When Roan told us–”

“Fucking Roan.” Bellamy mutters without heat.

She rolls her eyes but smiles at him, “when he told us what Clarke thought had happened, well I wasn’t the most calm.”

“Shocking.” He deadpans.

“Then when we were driving back last night, I was still going off about it and Lincoln basically told me that I was behaving like a brat and that I had been all week.”

“Bet that went well.” He smirks.

She huffs, “About as well as you can imagine. But then he told me to imagine how Clarke was feeling. She was my age, her best friend had died, you were hurt and on top of all of that she thought that you’d been cheating on her.”

She pauses, “I assume you weren’t by the way.”

“I wasn’t.”

“Cool, didn’t think so but, you know, good to have confirmation.” She smiles then picks up the original thread of conversation.

“Given how I’ve reacted to things, even lesser things that what you guys were going through, he made me see why Clarke might have reacted the way she did.”

“I’m not saying I like it,” she continues, “but me wanting to punch every one who hurts you is not a good life plan.”

He smiles, “No it’s not.”

“Lincoln thinks I should talk to Sheriff G about more of those self-defence classes as an outlet for my anger.” She says quietly.

He takes his sisters hand. The last five years have been hard for all of them, but he sometimes forgets that his sister was still a child. She was 14 when he had his accident, 15 when Aurora died – it would be a lot for anyone, not least a teenager.

“I think that’s a good idea.” He says softly.

“I can’t believe I didn’t approve of Lincoln when you started dating because I thought he’d be a bad influence on you.” Bellamy huffs, getting a laugh out of Octavia.

“Never judge a book by its muscle density and tattoos Bell.” Octavia teases.

“Oh yes, that’s how the famous saying goes.” He says rolling his eyes, but he can see Octavia watching him carefully.

“Do you know what you’re going to do?” she asks eventually.

“About what?”

“Gina? Clarke? Everything, I guess.”

“No.” he says honestly.

“You don’t have to decide all in one go.” She says kindly, squeezing his hand, “One day at a time.”

“My god, Lincoln should be a life coach. Look at you all wise.” He teases trying to stop her worrying about him.

“I mean he totally should, but that wasn’t Lincoln, that was you.”

“Huh?”

“Do you remember when mom died, after the wake when everyone had gone and it was just you and me left in the house, I asked you ‘what will we do now’ and you said, ‘we keep going, just one day at a time.’ So we did.”

“I’d forgotten that.” He says softly.

“Well, I didn’t. We kept going Bell, and I think we did pretty good. So that’s what you’ll do now and whatever happens, you’ve got me. Always.”

Bellamy can’t find the words, so he pulls his sister in for a hug instead.

“You’ve still got to eat though.” She says when they pull back, handing him the plate and faux-glaring at him until he eats all the toast.

 

Clarke is sitting in her room, skype session with Wells just finished. She had filled him in on everything and in classic Wells style he managed to make her feel both chastised and supported. Mostly, he was just sad he wasn’t there. He made her promise that she would always talk to someone in future and said that if she didn’t come back to see him in Arcadia when he next came home to visit he would disown her. 

It made her feel better knowing that he was, not on her side necessarily – he’d made the point that she’d been a complete idiot more than once – but definitely not against her.

She gets up and puts her shoes on, heading down the corridor to find her parents, she needs to borrow the car again – this time to see Raven.

She’s at the top of the stairs when she hears them talking.

“Honestly, I don’t know what is going on with her.” She hears her mum say.

“You know I spoke to Nia. She had no idea Roan was here. Apparently he just took the plane.” Abby continues.

“We can’t speculate on what we don’t know.” Jake says evenly.

Clarke can’t help but smile at that, she’s spent the last five years speculating on something she didn’t know, all because of a conversation she once overheard when she was standing in this every spot.

She had been hoping to avoid the conversation with her parents, but she knows now she can’t.

“Hey!” she calls as she comes down the stairs.

“We’re in the kitchen.” Her dad calls back.

“Mmm something smells nice.” She says when she walks in. Her dad is stirring something in a pot on the top of the stove, while her mom sits at the island talking to him. 

“Only soup darling.” Jake smiles. Clarke and Abby’s inability to cook is a constant source of amusement for him.

Clarke takes the seat opposite her mum, forming a little triangle with her dad by the stove at the end.

“So I overheard you talking about Roan…” Clarke starts.

Her parents exchange a glance but don’t say anything.

“You’re right, she continues. It was an impulse visit, I uhh… I may have left him a drunken voicemail about Bellamy and Gina, and well, he was worried.”

“Right.” Abby says cautiously, “should we be worried?”

“Uh, no. I don’t think so.”

“Not inspiring us with confidence there, sweetheart.” Jake says moving away from the stove and leaning on the island.

“Remember Bellamy’s accident?” Clarke asks not really needing an answer, because of course they do but Abby nods anyway.

“Well, about a week after that I overheard you guys talking, saying that Bellamy and Harper had been together and that I must never know.”

Jake goes to speak but Clarke just carries on talking.

“Well, based on that and some other things I concluded that Bellamy was cheating on me.”

At her parents surprised looks she adds, “I was wrong. But I only found out yesterday.”

“Ok, give us a minute to catch up.” Abby says, “So you heard us, thought Bellamy was cheating and then what?”

“Then I broke up with him and threw myself into life in D.C.” Clarke says with a shrug.

"Ahh, I see." Abby says, understanding washing across her face.

“That’s not…” Jake starts, but then changes tactic, “You said you found out you were wrong yesterday. How?”

“I spoke to Bellamy. Well, more like he spoke to Roan and then Bellamy came and confronted me.” Clarke replies.

“And did you tell him what you overheard?” Jake asks carefully. 

Suddenly Clarke realises what her dad is getting at. Why he’s being so hesitant.

“Yeah and he told me that you found an engagement ring in the wreckage.”

“Oh darling,” Abby says quietly, reaching for Clarke’s hand, “that can’t have been easy to hear.”

“No. I’ve been so convinced, you know, so certain, that he’d cheated. And now I know I was really wrong. I’ve missed so much.”

“Nothing you can’t recover.” Jake says at the same time Abby says: “You were too young to get married anyway.”

“Seriously, mom? That’s your comment on this.” Clarke snaps moving her hand away.

“Oh no sweetheart, that’s not what I meant. I mean it is, but it just slipped out, I didn’t mean to upset you.” Abby says sincerely.

Clarke relents at the soft look on her mom’s face, “It’s ok. I can’t exactly talk about making snap decisions.”

“Have you spoken to Bellamy today?” Jake asks.

“No, I will before I leave–”

“You’re still leaving tomorrow?” Abby interrupts.

“Of course. My life is still there. Just because I know the truth doesn’t mean I’ll come back to Arcadia, or even Texas.” Clarke says.

Abby just nods in response.

“You know we’ll support you whatever you decide,” Jake says coming over to her and giving her a hug. Abby comes round and joins in from Clarke’s other side.

“No matter what darling, we love you.” Abby says.

Clarke can feel the tears prickling in her eyes but unlike the past 24 hours, these are good tears. Tears because she is loved, she isn’t alone.

 

It’s only as Clarke actually parks up outside Raven’s house that she thinks she should’ve called first. Raven could be out, or not want to see her. Or worse, Bellamy could be there. She doesn’t see his truck though, so she thinks it’s ok.

Raven is at the door before Clarke even knocks, “heard your car pull up,” she shrugs before pulling Clarke into a big hug.

“You’re an idiot.” She says fondly as she hugs her.

Clarke huffs out a laugh and pulls back.

“So I’ve heard. Can I come in?”

“Beer?” Raven asks when they go into the house.

“Raven, it’s only 3pm.” Clarke smiles.

“So?”

“Fair.” Clarke laughs, before adding more seriously, “And I haven’t spoken with Bellamy yet so the liquid courage might help.”

“I was going to ask if you’d spoken to him.” Raven says coming back into the room and handing Clarke the beer.

“Nope. I think we’re both avoiding it to be honest.”

“Yeah, I’m not surprised.” Raven says before taking a drink of her beer.

“You know Gina left,” she says casually, at Clarke’s horrified face she adds, “no, not like that. She just needed some space.”

“Jesus, Raven don’t say things like that, I almost had a heart attack.”

“Good or bad?” 

“There is no such thing as a good heart attack.” Clarke replies rolling her eyes.

“You know what I mean,” Raven says, nudging Clarke with her foot. “Would you be happy if they weren’t together?”

Clarke considers the question, rocking back and forth on the ancient lazy boy chair.

“Honestly, I don’t know. I’d hate to be the reason they broke up of course, but I can’t deny that I never stopped loving Bellamy, not really. And now I know he wasn’t cheating on me, it’s like…” she breaks off, “I don’t know what it’s like.” 

“For what it’s worth I don’t think he stopped loving you either.” Raven says.

Clarke just shrugs then Raven adds:

“But he loves Gina.”

“I know. Plus we loved each other as kids, you know. Him and Gina are adults, they chose each other.”

“So did you.”

“Technically, yeah. But 17 year old Bellamy chose 16 year old me, not adult Bellamy choosing adult me.”

“That goes both ways.”

“I know. It’s just… It’s Bellamy you know. He was my first love and it didn’t end properly, and now, it’s like…” Clarke searches around for the words, “It’s like the Wizard of Oz – can you ever really go home.”

“Ok, you’re gonna have to explain that one to me.” Raven laughs. 

“Dorothy wants to get back home right, but Oz is Technicolor and she has friends there, anyone with half a brain can see Oz is better than the crappy black and white farm, but Dorothy wants to go home because home’s home. 

“So Bellamy’s home in this and the last five years are Oz?” Raven says curiously.

“Kind of. Bellamy’s home in the sense that now I know he never cheated, all those feelings that I just kinda buried are closer to the surface but how can I know if it’s because he’s Bellamy or because I genuinely like him.”

“Ahh ok. I get it. It’s a lot.”

Clarke nods, “And that’s without thinking about how he feels or even considering Gina.”

“This is why I don’t do feelings,” Raven teases, “too complicated.”

“Mmm Hmm.” Clarke smiles.

“Two things,” Raven says after a pause holding up two fingers, “One – I’m not going to lecture you because I’m pretty sure you’ve already had that but if you ever run off without talking to someone again, I will never forgive you.”

“I know. It was stupid.”

“Yeah, it was. And you’re meant to be smart.”

“Feelings remember.” Clarke smiles.

“Exactly, so next time talk to someone. Preferably me because I am actually smart.” Raven teases.

“And two?”

“Two – what now?”

“Honestly, I have no idea. I guess I need to talk to Bellamy before I leave and then life resumes I suppose.”

“Life in D.C?”

“Yes,” Clarke huffs, frustrated, “Why does everyone just assume I’d come back to Texas.”

“Hey, don’t snap. I was only asking.”

“I know, sorry. It’s just that my parents, Wells, you… it’s like everyone thinks I’ll just come back but even if I wanted to, it’s not that easy. You know? Where would I work? What about Bellamy? And Gina? Bellamy and Gina?”

“So you’ve not even thought about it then…” Raven teases.

Clarke huffs in response, because honestly she has thought about it. She’s missed her friends, and family, and this week back in Arcadia wasn’t all bad.

“I just missed you guys, it’s been nice to spend time with you.”

“We missed you too.” Raven says truthfully, “And that has to be the plus side of this whole mess of a thing.”

“What missing you?” Clarke scoffs.

“No,” Raven says, rolling her eyes, “It’s not like you can’t come back now. You have no reason to avoid Bellamy, so no reason to avoid Arcadia, ergo more time with your awesome friends like me.” 

Clarke laughs, “yeah, my awesome friend who says ergo!”

“Exactly.” Raven laughs.

“Anyway, I was thinking you might want to spend a bit more time in D.C.” Clarke says casually.

“You know me, always up for a trip to visit you.”

“Just me? Not a certain tall, rich, interfering friend of mine.” 

Raven scowls at Clarke but doesn’t deny it.

“Oh my god, I was teasing but you actually liked him!” Clarke splutters.

“He’s a hot, rich and asshole who is into tech and literally has his own plane. What’s not to like?” Raven shrugs deliberately casual.

“Uh huh.” Clarke teases.

“Shut up.” Raven laughs throwing a cushion at her.

“I said nothing!” Clarke protests, too busy laughing to defend herself.

Clarke spends the rest of the afternoon talking and laughing with Raven. She tells her about her conversation with Monty, with Wells. Raven fills her in on what happened at the bar when Roan told them. It’s an easy afternoon between friends and Clarke feels relaxed, but as the afternoon turns into evening she can’t help think about Bellamy and the fact she leaves in the morning and still hasn’t spoken to him.

Eventually Raven says, “Just call him.”

“What?” 

“Bellamy. Clarke you’ve been fidgety and weird for the last twenty minutes and I know you, it’s obviously about Bellamy.”

“What if he doesn’t want to see me?”

“You won’t know unless you ask.” Raven says reasonably.

“I can’t just call him.” Clarke says.

“Why not?”

“What if he has a different number?” Clarke tries fumbling for an excuse.

“He doesn’t. But I can give you his number if you want to be sure.”

“What if he doesn’t want to speak to me?”

“We’ve been over this…”

“No, I mean, what if he doesn’t pick up.” Clarke says quietly.

“Then text him.” Raven says reasonably.

Clarke knows Raven is right. It doesn’t stop her from agonising over the message for another five minutes though.

 **Me:** _Hey, we should probably talk before I leave tomorrow._ _It’s Clarke btw._

He replies after a few minutes.

 **Bellamy:** _Yeah, I guess. Do you wanna come here?_

“He’s asking if I want to go to the farm.” Clarke tells Raven in horror. 

“Based on your reaction I’m assuming you don’t.”

“Uh, no. That feels like a bad idea. We need somewhere neutral.”

They’re both quiet for a bit thinking, then Raven says, “Millers lake?”

Clarke nods and messages Bellamy back suggesting that, he agrees and they plan to meet in 45 minutes, which gives Clarke plenty of time to get there.

She hugs Raven bye with promises to stay in touch this time, and then gets in her car to drive to Millers Lake.

 

Millers Lake actually has nothing to do with Nathan Miller, although he once spent an entire summer trying to convince them it was did. 

It’s also not an actual lake. There is a lake near by, but Millers Lake is a stretch of land overlooking the water. No one knows why its called Millers Lake, but Arcadians have been going there for bonfires, sunbathing and underage drinking, for generations.  

Clarke gets there first and is sitting on the fence looking out at the lake when she hears his truck pull up. She doesn’t turn round, just waits.

“Can I?” he says as he walks up.

“It’s a fence Bellamy, you can sit where you want.” She shrugs.

He huffs, but climbs up to the top rung of the fence and throws his legs over so his are dangling next to hers.

They sat in silence. There are some people at the lake, but they can only hear them, not see them.

Eventually Clarke says: “I spoke to Monty this morning. And Raven and Wells, the consensus seems to be that I’m an idiot.”

“Not sure idiot is the word I’d use,” he says after a beat.

“To be fair it wasn’t the word they used either. Raven and Wells were hurt I didn’t confide in them and Monty was pissed, like really mad.”

Bellamy shrugs in response. She glances over at him but he is determinedly not looking in her direction. 

“Seems to be a lot of that going around.” She snarks.

“What do you want me to say Clarke? Yeah, I’m pissed at you but I’m trying really fucking hard not to be because it doesn’t change anything.”

“You get to be mad at me.” She says quietly, “I’m mad at me.”

“You are?” He asks.

“Of course.” She scoffs. “It’s not just your life that changed. My assumption, my fears, put us all on a different path.”

After a pause he says, brokenly, “Why didn’t you just talk to me Clarke.”

It’s her turn to shrug then.

“I think I deserve more than a shrug, I deserve some sort of explanation.” He spits.

“It was five years ago,” she starts.

“I’m well aware,” he interrupts.

“No,” she huffs frustrated, “What I’m trying to say is everyone keeps asking why I didn’t say anything why I thought the worst but Harper had just died, you were in hospital barely getting by. Everything was messed up and heightened. I’m not making excuses, I know I should’ve talked to someone, anyone, but it’s not exactly like I was in the best head space either.”

She is willing him to understand, she looks at him and pleads, “Surely you can see that I thought this was my only option.”

“No Clarke,” he says sadly, not looking at her, “I can’t.”

“You broke my heart.” He adds.

“The thing is Bellamy, mine was broken too. And I couldn’t talk to you because in the fog of my hurt I thought you were responsible for it.” She says sadly looking off into the distance again.

“I can’t believe you thought I was cheating on you.”

“Can you try and see it from my side. Before the accident we were arguing all the time and then suddenly you and Harper are always talking, always mentioning each other. I knew things with her and Monty were ending and I thought maybe you were helping her through it. But then you both lied to me about her flight the day of the accident. And yes,” she says cutting off his protests, “I know why now, but then I didn’t.”

She sighs, “What was I supposed to think?”

“You were supposed to talk to me.” He half shouts as he jumps down off the fence and walks away from her.

“I don’t know if you remember but that hadn’t exactly been going well for us.” She shouts after him, resisting the urge to follow.

She watches him walk off and kick at a stone, staying on the fence. There’s no point in forcing the conversation. It can only happen if they both want it to.

Eventually he comes back.

“I hate that you thought I could do that to you.” He says sadly, leaning against the fence, a person-worth of distance between them.

“I didn’t, not really.” He fixes her with a look, “Well I did but in a kind of abstract hurt way and that’s what made it worse. I knew that you weren’t like that but I couldn’t seem to convince myself that I was wrong. And then the longer I left it the harder it became to see past.”

“Does that make sense?” she asks.

“None of this makes sense.”

She huffs out a laugh, “It really doesn’t.” 

He ducks his head but she thinks she sees a small smile.

After a beat she says, “you must have a thousand questions.”

“Yeah, I’m sure I do but I cannot for the life of me think of them right now.” He replies.

He turns and leans on the fence looking at her.

“I thought you’d come back when she died.” He says eventually. She doesn’t ask who he’s talking about, doesn’t need to.

“I did.” She admits.

“What?” he exclaims, surprised.

“I came back for the funeral, but I stayed back so you guys didn’t see me.”

“Why?”

“She meant a lot to me too–”

“I didn’t mean why did you come back, I meant why did you stay out of sight?”

“I didn’t know if I could talk to you without wanting to be with you. And I was still mad at you, so I figured it was easier for both of us if I just stayed away.”

“Fuck Clarke, I needed you.” He says sadness and anger in his voice.

“I’m sorry.”

It’s all she can say. She can’t take it back. She wasn’t there when he needed her and she’ll have to live with that, they both will.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you after your mom died, and uhhh, it probably doesn’t help but I never stopped loving you, not really.” She says after a pause, “It just faded into something else.”

They’re looking at each other, hurt and sadness on both faces.

He turns away and says sadly, “What do they say, you never forget your first love.”

He pulls himself up onto the fence again and after a few minutes says:

“What now?”

“Everyone keeps asking me that and honestly, I have no idea.”

“Me neither.” He replies.

“I’m flying back tomorrow and your life is here.”

“Yeah.”

There’s a silence again, less painful this time, but still loaded. They listen to the shouts and laughter in the distance then Clarke speaks. 

“Maybe we could try being friends.” She says quietly, a little hesitant, like she thinks he’ll say no.

“Friends?” He asks.

“Yeah. Get to know the people we are now.” She replies turning her head towards him.

“I’d like that.” He smiles looking at her.

 

MONDAY

 

Bellamy’s waiting for her at the bottom of the drive, leaning against his car, with a vaguely confused look on his face.

“When I offered to drive you to the airport I meant door to door. I would’ve come up to the house you know?” 

He tells her opening the passenger door.

She refrains from rolling her eyes, just.

“I know. But it would’ve felt too much like high school Clarke and Bellamy. Not this version of us." She says, actively avoiding looking at him, as he climbs into the driver seat.

“Besides, it’s not like I have a lot of stuff. One bag, remember.”

“I remember.”

They are silent as Bellamy pulls away from the house but it’s easier than it has been.

“Fuck, I cannot believe me picking you up was only a week ago.”

She laughs, “I know, longest seven days ever.”

“It feels like it’s been something out of a different time zone, like another dimension.”

“Ok nerd,” she says rolling her eyes, “you need new friends, you have clearly been hanging around with Monty, Jasper and stealth nerd Miller for too long.”

He laughs as he says, “don’t forget Raven, she’s totally a stealth nerd.”

She laughs too, grinning over at him.

“So, I’ve been thinking...” She says about half an hour into the journey.

“I know that tone.” he smiles. 

At her raised eyebrow look he adds, “it’s your I have a plan tone... or was.” He adds awkwardly.

“It still is,” she says shrugging, “I haven’t changed that much. I still like a plan.”

“Ok, so what is this plan of yours?”

“Friends.”

“Friends? That’s not a plan, we said we’d try that yesterday.”

“Yeah but we need a plan to make it happen. We live thousands of miles away from each other and have our own, totally independent lives. You have to sort out your relationship with Gina - whatever that looks like, and I have my own shit to deal with.” She says, not looking at him.

“We were friends once.”

“We haven’t been friends for almost ten years Bellamy. We started dating when I was 16, which is nearly a decade ago. Which means the last time we were just friends was when I was 15 and you were 16.”

“God, when you put it like that...”

“We’re entirely new people and we need to figure out what that’s like.”

She glances over at him before adding quietly: “And, we have to face the possibility that actually we won’t like these versions of each other.”

“Clarke, even when it hurt to think about you I’ve always liked you.” He says sincerely.

“Yeah but you don’t know me now. I might be a spoilt D.C. socialite, only interested in cars and money. After all I’m friends with Roan.” She says teasingly, trying to lighten the atmosphere that has settled in the car.

His face clouds at the mention of Roan, but then he says light and sarcastic. “Yeah that seems likely. You’re wearing paint stained jeans and chucks, and according to Raven you volunteer at a shelter for survivors of domestic violence.”

She gives him a look, “I see and hear things.” He shrugs.

“Well it’s something we have to think about Bellamy,” she starts not willing to let the point go, “we’ve both changed.”

“Yeah, we have.” He concedes “but I’m pretty sure I will always want to be your friend. In every and any dimension.”

“Nerd.” She says fondly.

They talk logistics; agree to wait a couple of weeks before putting the new friend plan into action. Let the dust settle but they have each other’s numbers, so they can text or whatever. 

They decide that they’ll tell their friends that it’s fine to include them both in things as long as they check with one of them first.

Clarke promises that when she does come back to town she will let him, let them all, know.

The conversation is awkward, there are silences and they stumble a lot. There is a huge gap in their knowledge of each other and it’s hard to avoid the hurt, particularly when mentioning or not mentioning Gina. But it’s better and the rest of it will get simpler with time.

The journey feels much easier this time and Clarke can’t believe it when they arrive at the airport.

“So, back to that socialite life.” He teases getting out of the truck.

She does roll her eyes then.

“You don’t have to walk me to departures, I’ll be fine from here. “

“I don’t mind,” he says easily.

“Look, there’s no easy way to say this but if I don’t I’ll regret it.” She says stopping just meters from the car and turning to look at him.

“Ok,” he says warily, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I like Gina. I think she’s really nice and smart and irritatingly attractive and whatever happens with you two, well it won’t stop me being your friend, both of you if that’s what it takes. Even if that’s weird and–”

She cuts herself off and starts again.

“All I’m trying to say is don’t make any decisions based on me. Which I now realise sounds really arrogant, but that’s not what I meant...”

Bellamy takes her wrist and cuts off her rambling, saying:

“I know what you meant. And thank you.”

He pulls her into him, the hug taking them both by surprise - it’s the first time they’ve hugged in five years.

His arms tighten for a split second and then they break apart.

“Right, I’m saying goodbye here because airport goodbyes are strange and it’s too hot to stand in the parking lot.”

He chuckles.

“Bye Bellamy.”

“Bye Clarke.”

She takes a few steps away from him before stopping and turning back. He’s still by the truck, watching her go, his face hard to read in the sunlight.

“Bell,” she shouts to him, “I’ll always be your friend in any dimension too.”

The smile his face breaks into isn’t hard to read at all.

“Nerd.” He calls back with a laugh.

And Clarke thinks her smile probably isn’t hard to read either.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end of the longest week... thoughts?
> 
> I originally had a six month later epilogue but this chapter was so long already that I just thought it would be too much, which is why we had the bonus Monday car scene instead, but maybe I'll post it as a follow up if people are interested. 
> 
> Really, thank you all for sticking with this. I've been so touched by all the thoughtful comments and kudos. Come hang out with me on [tumblr](http://oh-darlingheart.tumblr.com/) if you want but be warned I do not have a bloody clue how it works.


	8. EPILOGUE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello - Merry Christmas to you and yours. Here is what I hope is a festive treat.
> 
> So, this was meant to just be a six months later type vibe but then I started on the backstory, and well 15K words later, here we are! This picks up three months after the previous chapter, and is set over the course of six months. The first three months are from Bellamy's POV, then goes to Clarke.
> 
> There is still some angst, because I don't know how not to, but it is definitely more happy ever after and will hopefully stop everyone from being in a firey rage at me after the previous chapter...

** _November_ **

 

It’s early November when he gets added to his first group chat with Clarke. He’d been expecting it for a while to be honest.

Since Clarke was last home in August he knows everyone has been in more contact. Raven’s been up to visit and even he’s exchanged a few awkward texts with Clarke, nothing important, but it’s something.

Even though he knew it was likely, he’s still not quite prepared when her name is one of the people in the group.

 **Raven Reyes has added you to the group:** _Thanksgiving bitches!_

 **Raven:** _I would like to make it clear that although I started this group I didnt name it_

 **O:** _yeah that was me_

 **Miller:** _we figured_  
_you’re literally the only person I know who still says bitches_

 **O:** _it’s ironic... Bitches_

 **Raven:** _ignoring baby Blake_

 **O:** _hey!_

 **Raven:** _this is a group to plan thanksgiving… who’s in???_  
_Jaha will you be home?_  
_Griffin will you?_

 **Clarke:** _Nope. Sorry._

 **Jasper:** _what!?_  
_Why?_

 **Clarke:** _the fam are coming to me in our Nations capital_  
_Roan’s mom is hosting a swanky party and we couldn’t get out of it_

 **Raven:** _fucking roan_

 **Miller:** _fucking Roan_

 **Jasper:** _fucking Roan_

 **O:** _lol_  
_Bell is reading this and scowling_

It’s true, he is. Even though he knows they’re only teasing. The Roan thing has become a reflex at this point much to the amusement of everyone.

 **Bellamy:** _thanks O_

 **Gina:** _it’s true, you are_

 **Miller:** _wow, fiancée and sister ganging up on you_  
_Cold_

 **Raven:** _lol_  
_Griffin you suck_  
_Do you know what Jaha is doing?_

 **Clarke:** _Nope, soz_  
_Last I heard he thought he’d be back after Xmas_

 **Jasper:** _lame_

 **Bellamy:** _ok, so I presume you guys are coming to us as usual?_

 **Miller:** _we’ll be there in the eve_  
_Gotta go to monty’s mom_  
_And my dad_  
_Then we’ll be over_

 **Clarke:** _Miller you can’t possibly eat three thanksgiving meals!!_

 **Monty:** _He really can_

 **Miller** _**:** oh ye of little faith Clarke_

 **Gina:** _he did it last year_  
_And still complained there wasn’t enough pie left by the time he got to us_

 **Miller:** _G, like I said last year… who only makes two pumpkin pies_

 **Bellamy:** _two pumpkin, two pecan, a cherry_

 **Gina:** _don’t forget the lemon meringue_

 **O:** _Yeah! We had six pies Miller, six_

 **Gina:** _And you still complained_

 **Miller:** _ok I don’t like this_  
_I don’t want Octavia and Gina ganging up on me_

 

Bellamy smirks at that. It’s true it is normally him they gang up on.

“It’s weird messaging when I’m in the room with you guys.” Bellamy says to Gina and Octavia.

“It’s modern technology big brother, get used to it.” Octavia says typing on her phone, he assumes she’s typing what he just said.

“Hmm.” He grumbles.

“Aww poor grumpy old man.” Gina teases him affectionately.

They are trying to make things work between them but it’s not easy. Something shifted in the summer and they’re less natural now, both too aware of one another. He’s not sure he’ll ever get used to Gina and Clarke both being in the same group chat, let alone in the same group.

Bellamy doesn’t check the group much, Gina or Octavia, or even Raven usually tell him if there’s anything he’s expected to do. But he knows his Thanksgiving role - host everyone and cook the turkey. The rest of them just have to show up.

When he does check the group again there are hundreds of messages, mostly nonsense, but one notification stands out.

**_Clarke has left the group._ **

Raven tells him that it’s because it was all Thanksgiving chat, which she won’t be around for, but it’s still feels strange.

He messages her on Thanksgiving. Aiming for a breezy tone. Hoping she can’t tell he’s been composing it in his mind for days.

 **Bellamy:** _hey, happy thanksgiving! Hope the party is not so fancy that you don’t get to truly enjoy the meaning of thanksgiving... eating until you can’t stand._

 **Clarke:** _sadly it is exactly that kind of party. Turkey appetisers, instead of an actual turkey! Wtf._  
_Don’t worry though, Dad and I have a plan to eat too much later and watch the football, which we’re recording so shhh!_

He thinks that’s it and then his phone goes again:

 **Clarke:** _Happy thanksgiving. Sorry I couldn’t be there._

 **Bellamy:** _next year_

 **Clarke:** _Only if there are 8 types of pie, can’t have Miller complaining!_  

He knows the fact that he grinned throughout the text exchange and smiled every time he thought about the messages is not a good sign for him and Gina, but Bellamy has always been good at compartmentalising and he doesn’t see why he should stop now.

 

_**December** _

 

He breaks up with Gina on a dark December afternoon. Or, more accurately, they break up with each other.

Lincoln and Octavia are away for the weekend visiting family, so Gina had suggested they have a quiet dinner on the Saturday, just the two of them.

He’s in the kitchen, when she comes in holding a picture.

“It’s not working is it.” She says.

It’s a testament to how much he’s been expecting this conversation that he’s not surprised.

He puts the knife he was using to chop vegetables for dinner down and looks up at her.

She looks sad but resigned.

“No, it’s not.”

“I found this.” She says walking towards him and putting the thing in her hand down, face-up on the counter. It’s a photo taken last year of Lincoln, Octavia, Bellamy and Gina all with their arms around each other wearing awful holiday sweaters and silly reindeer antlers and grinning like fools.

He remembers that it took them almost five tries to get the picture because they couldn’t work the timer on the camera and all kept laughing too much.

“We look so ridiculous.” Bellamy smiles.

“We look happy.” Gina replies.

He looks up at her, she’s smiling sadly, but he can see the determination in her face.

“This is it, isn’t it?” He says softly.

“I think it has to be.” She replies quietly.

“I was going to serve this with dinner but fuck it, if we’re going to do this let’s do it with a drink.” Bellamy says grabbing a bottle of white wine out of the fridge - a gift from one of the parents of a player.

“No arguments here.” Gina laughs.

Bellamy pours them both a glass. She is sitting up on the counter now while he leans against the table.

“So...” he starts.

“So.”

There’s no anger in either voice just a weariness.

“I want you to know whatever the outcome of this, us. For me it’s not about choosing Clarke over you.” It feels important for Bellamy to make that clear, because it’s not. Not like that.

“Thank you.” She smiles.

She is fiddling with her glass and Bellamy can see she’s working up to say something so he keeps quiet.

“You know what I keep thinking.” She starts, “I keep thinking about the reason Clarke gave you for breaking up originally.”

“That we’d changed?” He asks.

“Yeah. And I just keep thinking that the irony is she was lying, but you and I… we have changed.”

“I guess.” He says reluctantly.

“You don’t think we’ve changed?”

“What since the summer?”

“Since Clarke’s visit and subsequent revelations, yeah.” She says dry.

“I haven’t really been thinking about it like that.” He says honestly.

“So how have you been thinking about it?”

“It wasn’t so much that I thought we’d changed, more it just wasn’t right anymore.”

She nods but doesn’t saying anything.

“With everything with Clarke it’s not that I want to be with her necessarily, more that now I know she’s there I want to be there too.”

“There? As in DC?”

“Not exactly, more like...” he stops, “it’s weird talking about this with you.”

She laughs but it’s hollow, not a true laugh.

“Yeah it sucks but Bellamy, you and I clearly don’t work anymore. Not romantically. So if you need to talk to someone you can talk to me.”

She takes a drink then continues, “Because my life is here. I like my job, I like Arcadia and so, we need to figure out what us not being together but living in the same town looks like. Unless you’re moving to be with Clarke...”

“I’m not.” He says definitively. “It’s not even… I’m not even really in touch with her right now.”

She nods.

“Then we need to figure this out. I still love you, but it’s not the same anymore.”

“I know.”

“And we’ve been trying. It’s been nearly four months since everything but you and I both know we’re just going through the motions. We’re a millions miles away from the people in that picture.”

“No one could say we haven’t tried.” He says.

And it’s true. When Gina came back they’d talked, for hours, about what to do next. They’d both cried, they’d both shouted but they had decided in the end that they both deserved to give it, them, one more chance.

But they no longer talked about the wedding, or made any long-term plans. They still went on dates, still kissed, held hands, had sex, but something had broken, disappeared between them and if Bellamy’s honest with himself he’s not sure they’d ever be able to get past it.

“What do we do now?” Bellamy asks.

“How do you mean?”

“I mean, is that it? Are we done, just like that?”

“I guess. But it’s not, just like that really, is it.”

“No, I suppose not.”

They’re both quiet. He’s looking down at the floor, lost in his own thoughts when Gina moves. She slides down off the counter and comes over to him, holding out her hand.

“Here.”

“What’s...”

He doesn’t finish his sentence he knows what it is. It’s her engagement ring.

“No, I can’t.”

“Yes, Bell you can.”

“I really can’t.”

“Look,” she huffs, “I’m not keeping it. So either you take it now or I just leave it behind when I move out.”

Her face is set, stubborn. But Bellamy can be stubborn too, so he doesn’t take the ring.

She places it on the table between them.

“I guess this isn’t going to be quite as painless as we thought.” She laughs a little watery.

He puts his arm around her, bringing her close. “No, I guess not.”

“Can I ask you to do something for me.” She says, after a while, she’s speaking into his chest where her head still rests.

“Of course, anything.” He says pulling back slightly to look at her.

Her eyes are full of tears but her expression looks clear.

“If, when, something happens between you and Clarke… don’t let me be blindsided.”

“It’s not like that G.”

“Well, then it doesn’t matter, does it? But if it does end up being like that, I don’t want to be the last person to know. Don’t make a fool out of me please.”

She cries then, her voice breaking on the final word.

Bellamy pulls her into him and holds her tightly, his hand in her hair.

“I won’t. I won’t let that happen.”

He feels her nod against his chest.

“I will always care about you.” He says, and it’s true.

They spend the rest of the evening as friends – eating dinner, drinking the wine, laughing and joking with each other but when they wake up in the morning the reality sets in. It’s about as bad as he expected.

Gina needs a place to live, they have to pack up her stuff, tell Octavia and their friends. Gina moves in with a friend in town, Raven had offered but it felt too strange. She leaves the ring on the dresser in their, his, room.

They find a rhythm. It’s not easy but it’s not hard either, it’s just different.

He knows he needs to tell Clarke, but he doesn’t know how. It’s not the kind of news you just text your ex. He tells himself she’ll be home at Christmas and he can tell her then but Monty casually mentions, a few days before Christmas, how the Griffin’s are going to St Bart’s for Christmas.

He wants to ask Raven or one of the others if they’ve told her but it would be giving away that he’s not said anything yet and he doesn’t want the questions.

In the end, it’s Clarke who does it for him.

 

_**December/January** _

 

Raven is hosting a NYE party and made him swear he’d come. He tried to get out of it, claiming he wasn’t in the party mood but Raven wouldn’t let it go. Gina was spending the holidays with her family in Seattle and Clarke was still in St Bart’s she argued, so he really didn’t even have an excuse.

He’s third wheeling with his sister and Lincoln, but it feels ok. Even after everything that’s happened this year it’s not even close to being his worst New Year’s Eve.

When they arrive the music is already audible from outside and there are trucks and cars parked all up the street.

He’s barely stepped inside the door when Raven grabs him and manoeuvres him back out onto the porch.

“What the hell Reyes?”

“Sorry, it’s just...” she pauses, then deadpans “surprise, Clarke’s here.”

At his taken-aback look and silence she adds apologetically:

“I didn’t know she was coming but apparently family vacay was cut short and she was in town for New Years and I couldn’t not invite her...” 

“No of course not. It’s fine.”

“Sure?”

“Yes, although now it looks like it’s not fine because you cornered me on the porch.”

“Honestly,” she rolls her eyes at him, “As if I didn’t have a plan. I made sure Octavia and Lincoln came in first and as soon as we saw them Monty took Clarke into the kitchen on drinks duty and I grabbed you out here.” She smirks.

He smiles, “imagine if you used your powers for good, not evil.”

She just laughs and bumps his shoulder with hers as they walk inside.

He sees Clarke instantly. She’s standing near the kitchen talking to Monty and Miller, laughing at some story Monty is telling. Her hair is a bit blonder and she’s a little tan on her nose from the trip but other than that she looks just like the Clarke he remembers.

She smiles a little shyly when she sees him, then goes back to talking to Monty and Miller.

He keeps trying to talk to her but although the party isn’t that busy they’re never in the same place. When he goes to the kitchen to get a drink she’s by the door. When he’s sitting on the couch chatting to Miller she’s on the other side of the room with Raven. But his eyes find her all night and, almost every time, she’s looking at him too.

It’s about 11.30pm when he finally gets to talk to her in the kitchen.

“Hello stranger.” She smiles.

“Hey.” He smiles at her before impulsively hugging her. A hug he’ll pass off on being drunk if she doesn’t hug back, she does.

It’s brief but they pull apart both smiling and he realises that they are the only ones in the kitchen, the party is going on just the other side of the wall but for now, it’s just them.

He looks at her again, her pale grey top falling off one shoulder and he can see a hint of tan there too. He thinks she looks happy, relaxed.

She catches him looking at her and raises one brow.

“Do you want a drink?” he asks hastily, covering himself.

“Sure.”

As he’s getting the drinks he realises he still needs to tell her about Gina.

“So uh, Gina and I broke up...” he says awkwardly glancing at her.

“I know.” She answers lightly.

“What? How?”

“Gina told me.” She smirks.

Of all of the answers he was expecting it was not that one. He can see Clarke fighting off amusement.

“Uhh, explain please.” He hands her the drink.

“She came up to D.C for an education conference the week before Christmas. She messaged saying she was in town and I asked if she wanted to go for drinks.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“Clearly.” She says amused.

He knew Clarke and Gina had got along but he didn’t know they were still in touch or that they were forming a friendship independent of him. If he’s honest with himself he feels left out.

He doesn’t know what to say and she takes pity on him.

“To be fair, it’s not like she came specifically to tell me. I noticed that she wasn’t wearing her ring and then there was an awkward moment where she thought I knew because she assumed you told me.”

He rubs the back of his neck, “I wanted to, I was going to... I just.”

“You just use your words Bellamy.” She teases.

“Funny.” He says dry.

“But seriously,” he adds, “I wanted to tell you but it felt like a big statement, when we hadn’t spoken much, to just message you all like – hey I broke up with my fiancée, had much snow this year.”

She smiles and says, “we haven’t actually, it’s been surprisingly mild.”

At his confused look, she adds with a little laugh, “Snow.”

“Relax Bellamy, I’m not mad you didn’t tell me. After all I’m the last person to lecture about keeping a secret.”

“Not quite the same thing.”

“No not quite.” She concedes, “Are you ok? With the breakup?”

“Yeah it was a while coming, we’d just ch…” he trails off realising what he was about to say.

“Changed?” she snorts.

“Yeah,” he says ducking his head.

“She’s still in town though, right? She said she was at least seeing out the school year.” 

“Yeah, she is. We’re not exactly at the hanging out stage but we’re civil, friendly… Fuck, I really need to get some new friends” he finishes awkwardly.

At her questioning look he says with a small smile, “I’m talking to you about Gina, I talked to Gina about you.”

“Ahh I see. Well in your defence, that lot out there have the emotional range of a teaspoon.” She smiles.

He laughs.

“So, how was Christmas in the sun?” he asks unsubtly changing the subject onto safer things.

They’re chatting about her dad’s failed attempt to water-ski when Octavia and Raven come into the kitchen.

“Oh, uh, sorry.” Raven says not sounding very sorry.

“Are we interrupting?” Octavia asks, her face carefully blank.

He’s noticed that his sister has been nothing but civil to Clarke, but has also not really wavered from Lincoln’s side when they’ve been talking.

“Nope.” Clarke says at the same time he says, “I assume you’re here for booze.”

“Yep, nearly midnight. We need stuff to toast with.” Octavia says.

Bellamy and Clarke help with the drinks and then suddenly, they’re all in the lounge crowding around Raven’s TV with Times Square on the screen.

All of his friends have ended up in one corner. As the countdown starts Bellamy notices that the way they’re all standing means he’s next to Clarke and it’s not like he’s never kissed her but he doesn’t want to do it now, like this.

Once again, he’s underestimated his friends – who actually have the emotional range of a soup spoon – when the countdown gets to one, Jasper and Raven grab both him and Clarke pressing sloppy kisses onto them. Miller, Monty, Lincoln and Octavia join in, squishing all together, with him and Clarke somewhere squeezed in the middle.

“Welcome back to the family Griffin.” He hears Raven say.

“If you guys don’t let go of me I won’t make it to next year.” He hears her muffled reply and can imagine the smirk on her face.

“Yeah guys, I think she’s feeling sufficiently welcomed now.” Bellamy says.

“Shut it big brother. Last year was meh. If we want to hug our way into the new year just let us.”

“What she said.” Monty and Jasper both say.

“Jinx”

“Double jinx.”

“Ahhh.”

They all laugh as they break apart, with Monty and Jasper just staring wordlessly at each other.

 

It’s 2am and the party has wound down with just a few of them left hanging around. Octavia is sitting on Lincoln’s lap, head on his shoulder as he plays with her hair. Bellamy is squished on the couch with Monty and Miller. Jasper is on a cushion on the floor and Clarke is on the ancient lazy boy chair with Raven, both of them half entwined around each other to make room. 

Jasper throws a pretzel at Clarke to get her attention

“Clarkey, now that you have a friend with a plane, does this mean we’ll get to see you more?" 

“I’ve always had a friend with a plane, multiple planes in fact.” Clarke says, “But I can’t exactly just take it whenever I want. It’s more of an in-case-of-emergency thing. It is Roan’s plane after all.”

“Fucking Roan.” Everyone choruses – except Clarke and Bellamy – before dissolving into laughter.

“Did you ask her just to set that up?” Bellamy asks Jasper scowling at him.

“I wish I was that clever.” Jasper says still laughing.

“Ok, one of you really needs to explain the joke. You did this in the group chat too.” Clarke whines.

When no one speaks, instead just sending smirks or sly glances around the room, Bellamy knows he has to say something.

“Uh, let’s just say that after everything with the revelations this summer I may have blamed the very rich, apparently handsome, messenger.” He says awkwardly, fiddling with his beer.

“Definitely handsome.” Raven says her laughter subsiding as Miller and Octavia nod.

He glances at Clarke who pauses for a split second before bursting out laughing with genuine giddiness. Bellamy thinks all his embarrassment is worth it if it makes her laugh like that. He can’t remember the last time he saw her like this.

“Fucking Roan.” She giggles, which sets the whole room off again. Even Bellamy joins in.

 

 

_**February** _

 

Clarke is on the couch, watching some mindless TV – it’s her first day off in a week and she’s exhausted – when her phone beeps with a Skype notification. 

**[Wells Jaha wants to connect]**

Clarke’s first feeling is panic, he doesn’t normally just call something must be wrong. But she tries to calm down, after all if it was something bad it wouldn’t be him calling. She answers.

“Clarke!”

“Hey you! Everything ok?” she asks concerned, as his face fills the screen. 

“Uh huh,” he smiles.

“Wells, you might want to move the screen back a bit, all I can see is your face.”

“And what’s wrong with my face?”

“Nothing, it’s just right there.”

“Is this better?” he says grinning and pulling the screen away.

As the rest of the room comes into focus, it looks a lot like Raven’s place. As he pulls back more she can see people sitting behind him grinning, people who look suspiciously like her friends.

“What the fuck!” She exclaims sitting up. “Are you home?”

“Hi Clarke,” Raven and Monty say waving.

“Oh my god, you’re actually in Arcadia! Why? How? Who are you with?”

“Ok, lets start with the last one. I’m with everyone except Miller who is at work and Bellamy who is on his way.”

“Oh my god!”

“I am in Arcadia. I’m home-ish, for the next six months at least. I’ve been posted to Fort Bliss, El Paso.”

“El Paso, Texas?" 

“Yep. I mean it’s still hours away but–”

“But so much closer than wherever you were but couldn’t tell us.”

He laughs, “yes, much closer.”

“Your dad must be beside himself.”

“He’s actually with your dad and Coach Kane now, they’re using my return as an excuse for riblets and beers.”

“Welcome back to Texas soldier” Clarke laughs.

“Indeed.” Wells says dryly, rolling his eyes.

Clarke sees some jean-clad legs come into the frame behind Wells and then hears Bellamy exclaim “Jaha!”

She sees Wells stand and she assumes they hug because their legs are suddenly very close.

She can’t hear what they’re saying because Jasper uses this time to pick up the screen and say:

“Surely Wells being home counts as an emergency Clarke.”

She must look blank because he adds, “the plane!”

“Oh, sadly I don’t think so besides Roan is in Cuba for reasons that I did not ask about.”

Off screen she hears, “Fucking Roan,” and Wells’s voice say confused, “huh?”

She’s laughing to herself when suddenly the screen is tugged away from Jasper and she is looking at half of Bellamy and half of Wells.

“Look who turned up.” Wells says smiling.

“Hey Bellamy.”

“Clarke.” He nods with a smile. “Shame you’re not here.”

“Yes, well, some asshole didn’t tell me he was coming back.”

Wells has the grace to look sheepish, “I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t want to jinx it.”

“Fair. But it means you’ll just have to party like it’s 1999 without me.”

“We were, like, eight, in 1999.” Bellamy says rolling his eyes.

“Exactly, so water balloons and ice cream floats, right?”

“That actually sounds awesome.” Monty says in the background.

“Am I talking to all of you?” Clarke laughs. Wells and Bellamy move out of the camera frame and put it so she can see the entire room.

“Yeah, we miss you!” Raven says.

“Come back to Texas, all the cool kids are doing it.” Jasper says.

“Is that right?” Clarke drawls.

“Apparently so.” Wells laughs.

“Yeah, Texas forever!” Jasper shouts.

“Alright Tim Riggins.” Clarke rolls her eyes, laughing when she sees Bellamy, Wells and Raven doing the same thing.

“Ok, I’m going to go because the FOMO is real.”

“Nooooo!”

“Wells, I hate you for not telling me you were back and also, I’m really glad you’re back. So I’m feeling incredibly conflicted.” She laughs.

“Sorry. I’ll give you so much warning for my next break, I promise.”

“You’d better. I miss you… all of you.”

“We miss you too.” Wells says.

Clarke sees them all nod.

“Ok, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” She says.

“That leaves literally nothing.” Raven teases.

“Oh I don’t know, I’ve been known to have fun.” She smirks, her eyes searching out Bellamy who is wearing a matching smirk.

“Right, I am actually going now. Bye!”

She ends the call, a refrain of bye’s echoing in her ears.

Clarke knows she made her choice and decided to make a life in D.C. and most of the time she’s happy with that decision but at times like this, when everyone is hanging out, she feels lonely.

She runs herself a bath and pours a glass of wine as a treat. She’s trying not to think about everyone hanging out without her when her phone beeps.

 **Bellamy:** _Did you know that Nashville is almost exactly halfway between D.C. and Arcadia?_

She stares at her phone, somewhat confuses before replying.

 **Clarke:** _No, I didn’t. Thanks for the trivia._

 **Bellamy:** _Just thought it might be relevant._

Clarke doesn’t know what to say to that. Is he suggesting they meet? Is he belatedly watching Nashville?

She gets out of the bath still pondering over how to respond. She’s settles back onto the couch, trashy TV back on, bundled up in her dad’s old Cowboy’s jersey and flannel pj’s. Her phone goes again and she grins when she sees the notification and opens the messages.

 

**Raven Reyes has added you to the group: _Lets be Texas clichés_**

**Raven:** _Why am I the one always creating the groups_

 **Wells:** _This was actually your idea_

 **Raven:** _Negative soldier_  
_I was just spitballing_

 **Unknown:** _spitballing enough to create a group_

 **Bellamy:** _O’s right. This is all on you Reyes_

Clarke adds Octavia’s number to her phone then goes back to the group.

 **Bellamy:** _For those playing at home, we’re talking about this…_  
_Bellamy Blake has sent a link:_ _CMA festival, Nashville_

Clarke clicks the link and laughs

 **Clarke:** _OMG you guys, did you know that Nashville is almost exactly half way between D.C. and Arcadia_

 **Raven:** _wtf_

 **Wells:** _We know… how do you know?_

 **Monty:** _lol_

 **Clarke:** _I’m just that good!_

 **Bellamy:** _Good knowledge_

 **Miller:** _Is the plan that we go to this thing?_

 **Lincoln:** _Are we festival people?_  

 **O:** _Shhhh_

 **Jasper:** _It’s country music, we’re living the dream_

 **Raven:** _Living the cliché more like_

 **Clarke:** _You know those tickets are ££££_

 **Wells:** _Yeah but we figure half way-ish between all of us..._  
_Worth it_

Clarke smiles and pulls up a separate message to Bellamy.

 **Clarke:** _Thanks for the cryptic heads up_  
_Is this all a ploy to make sure they see me?_

 **Bellamy:** _Someone thinks highly of herself_  
_But, yeah_

She smiles and goes back to the group chat.

 **Clarke:** _Totally worth it_  
_But I don’t know if I can take time off work_

_**Raven:** Come on_

**Wells:** _I am in the actual army and get more time off than you_

 **Jasper:** _seriously?_

 **Monty:** _Yeah wtf_

 **Clarke:** _The thing is, I’m taking a long weekend to come back in March for my dad’s birthday_  
_Then I’m back for Easter because my mom is having a thing_  
_And then I was thinking a summer visit to Wells in El Paso if anyone wants to tag along_

 **Clarke:** _So my holiday days are kinda busy…_

 **Wells:** _I actually wish I recorded that reaction_  
_Seems like people are excited that you’re coming back to Texas_

 **Clarke:** _I’m not saying lets not hang out in Nashville, just don’t do it on my behalf_

Clarke closes the group chat and gets ready for bed. She checks her phone again and sees 17 new messages on the group and one from Bellamy. 

 **Bellamy:** _Well played Princess_

 **Clarke:** _High praise indeed_

 **Bellamy:** _Are you really going to be back that much?_

 **Clarke:** _Yep_  
_Turns out now I’m not adamant about staying away the parentals are determined to get me home_  
_Pretty sure they want me to move back_

 **Bellamy:** _Excellent use of adamant_

 **Clarke:** _Thanks it’s a gift_  
_How’s the party?_

 **Bellamy:** _Good_  
_Nice to have Wells back_

She can see the three dots appear, then disappear, then appear again. Eventually the message comes through.

 **Bellamy:** _Not the same without you though_  
_Now we know we can have you here it’s not right without you_

Almost instantly another message comes through.

 **Bellamy:** _Ignore me, beer on an empty stomach and Jaha being home is clearly doing funny things to me_

 **Clarke:** _Ok_  
_But for what it’s worth I wish I was there too_  
_I miss all of you_  
_It doesn’t feel right to me either_

They start talking regularly after that. It starts the next morning when Bellamy sends her a picture message captioned ‘the morning after the night before’ and has Wells half asleep on Raven, who appears to be lying on Jasper with Monty upside down on the couch.

The follow up message shows Miller on the floor, literally under the TV.

 **Clarke:** _WOW_  
_But be honest, you woke up spooning with Miller didn’t you_

 **Bellamy:** _No comment_

 

_**March** _

“I’m so sorry about this darling.”

Clarke is sitting on the edge of her parents’ bed watching her mother as sits at the dresser putting earrings in.

“Honestly mom, it’s fine. I’ll call Raven or something.”

“Are you sure you’re not absolutely devastated and we should stay home to make sure you’re ok.” Jake says with a wink. 

Clarke laughs, “and deprive the good citizens of Polis from seeing you in a tux, never.”

“Traitor” Jake teases.

Clarke is back in Arcadia for the weekend to celebrate her dad’s birthday. She hadn’t made any other plans but when her dad had picked her up from the airport earlier in the day he’d told her about a benefit that he and Abby had to go to later. So Clarke was now left with an empty Friday night.

After reassuring her parents again that she was fine and that she was perfectly capable of ordering take out, she waved them off.

She actually wasn’t sure what to do. Her friends knew she was back this weekend, but they hadn’t made plans because Clarke had assumed she was doing family stuff all weekend.

Clarke digs her phone out of her pocket and dials Raven.

“Griffin! To what do I owe the honour of a phone call?”

“Can’t just say hi like a normal person can you.” Clarke laughs.

“You never call. It’s worthy of comment.”

“You can’t see me but I’m rolling my eyes.”

“I figured.” Raven laughs.

“Anyway, My parents abandoned me to go to some charity thing. Wanna hang out?”

“Awesome. Well not the abandonment part but that you’re here, in Arcadia." 

“Thanks I think,” Clarke chuckles.

“You know what I mean. But your call is actually perfect timing because I’m just about to head over to Blake’s so I can just pick you up on the way.”

“Uhh,” Clarke hesitates.

She had forgotten the Friday BBQ tradition.

“What?” Raven asks.

“Nothing, I just hadn’t realised you had plans. We can hang out tomorrow or something.” Clarke says, fumbling for an excuse.

“Or you could just come with me, I kind of assumed you’d be coming anyway.” Raven says slowly.

“Why would you assume that?” Clarke snaps, then softens “I don’t think that’s a good idea, I don’t want to intrude.”

“You wouldn’t be.” Raven says, “You and Bellamy are cool now, right?”

“We talk, yeah.” Clarke replies evasively, “But I don’t think we’re at the stage where I can rock up to his house.”

“I honestly think it would be fine, we kind of thought we’d see you anyway.”

“It’s weird Raven. Bellamy knows I’m in town this weekend, if he wanted to see me he would’ve said something, but he didn’t and I’m not just going to show up.” Clarke says, tone firm.

“I disagree but I know better than to get in the middle of you two,” Raven says evenly, and carries on before Clarke can reply, “But I see those losers all the time, so why don’t I come to yours and we watch shit TV and order in.”

“No. Don’t change your plans for me, it’s fine, honest. We’ll do something over the weekend.”

“Clarke–”

“Seriously Raven, I’d feel strange if you ditch everyone for me."

Raven doesn’t say anything for a beat then says, “If you’re sure.”

“I am. I’ll call you tomorrow, ok?”

“Sure. Bye!”

Clarke had meant it when she told Raven not to ditch her plans, but now standing alone in her empty house she can’t help but feel sad. Even after everything, she’s still on the outside. Clarke keeps waiting for it to go back to how it was, five years ago, but it doesn’t, and if she’s honest with herself she knows it never will.

She’s talking to them all more and when she’s in D.C. it’s easy to convince herself that the distance that lingers is because of literal distance, not the fact that they’ve all changed. She isn’t a natural part of their lives anymore, and she has to get used to that.

Clarke doesn’t want to wallow so instead goes up and changes into comfortable clothes before grabbing a beer from the fridge and settling down in front of the giant TV to watch some mindless show on Netflix.

When the doorbell rings an hour later Clarke assumes it will be Raven, so she doesn’t even bother to make an effort, just opens the door in what she’s wearing - a t-shirt and pyjama pants.

It’s Bellamy.

“Why are you in pjs? It’s like 6.30pm.” He says.

“Why are you here?” She counters, folding her arms across her chest defensively.

“Oh, right?” He says awkwardly, shuffling his feet and putting his hands in his pockets, “I spoke to Raven.”

“Of course you did.” Clarke huffs.

“She said she’d invited you over to my place tonight but you didn’t think I wanted to see you.”

“Not exactly what I said, but yeah that’s the cliff notes version.”

“Why would you think that?”

“Bellamy, it would be strange if I had just turned up to your place tonight, and you know it.”

“Strange but not bad.”

Clarke doesn’t know what to say, so instead just looks at him, he’s wearing blue jeans, work boots and grey t-shirt. She hasn’t seen him since New Year, not properly, not in person, and he looks good she thinks. He looks like Bellamy.

She looks down at the ground, shifting and holding the doorknob in one hand for something to lean on 

“If you’re in town you know I want to see you, right?” Bellamy says quietly, not looking at her.

“No I don’t know that and even if I did it would still be strange if I just came over to your place.”

“How can you not know that?” He huffs, “And no one gets an invitation to the BBQ, it’s a BBQ.”

“Can we just focus on one thing at a time.” Clarke complains. “I know it’s just a BBQ but you have to admit if I’d just turned up with Raven, it would have been weird.”

“I might have been a bit surprised,” he admits, then adds, “but in a good way.”

“Yeah?” She says shyly.

“Yeah.”

“Ok, well good to know for future reference.”

“For future reference,” he scoffs, “Clarke, I am at your house. You literally could not get a more obvious invitation. So will you please go and get changed and come over, tonight, in the present.”

“You’re sure?”

“Oh my god, yes.”

She laughs, “Ok. Come in. Give me five minutes.”

When Clarke comes back downstairs, less than five minutes later, in jeans and a pale blue sweater with her hair loose, Bellamy is standing awkwardly in the hallway.

“You know you could’ve sat down. It’s not like you’ve never been here before.” She teases.

He looks up before he speaks, and she notices the way his eyes rake over her.

“You ready.” He asks.

“Yep.”

“You sure?” He teases.

“Bellamy,” she whines, “don’t be a jerk, you get why I thought it was weird.”

“I do.” He admits, “but I’m asking you to come, so it’s fine.”

Clarke locks up the house behind her and follows Bellamy to his truck, hopping up onto the bench seat easily, as if it’s only been days since she last was there, not months.

“This is good, you know. It’s two birds with one stone.” She says as he starts the car.

“Yeah, how do you figure that?”

“I get to see everyone in one go.”

“That’s one bird.” He replies.

“And I get to spend time with you. So two.”

“Ah, right.” He says awkwardly.

“I want to spend time with you when I’m in town too.” She says calling back his earlier words. He smiles and turns on the radio, arguing with her about song choices.

 

Clarke gets nervous again, as they get closer to the farm. She knows Bellamy said it’s ok, but it’s not just Bellamy there. 

“What’s wrong?” Bellamy asks, glancing at her.

“Nothing.”

“Yeah, right. What’s up?”

“Are you sure-“

“If you ask me if I’m sure this is ok again, I might actually die.”

“Drama queen,” she smiles, rolling her eyes, “What I was going to say is I know it’s ok with you but what about everyone else?”

“Of course it is. Everyone wants to see you.”

“I bet Miller and Octavia don’t.” She mumbles.

“I heard that. And you’ve seen them both since last summer and it was fine, wasn’t it.”

“Yeah. It’s just that I know they’re pretty staunchly team Bellamy, which I get but I don’t want it to be awkward for you. I know I don’t fit in here anymore and that’s fine but I don’t want to ruin your evening too.” Clarke says in a rush.

Bellamy actually pulls his truck over to the side of the road and switches the engine off, turning in his seat to look at her.

“Clarke, you’re not ruining anything.” He says gently.

She is looking down at her hands, fidgeting.

“Will you look at me please,” he asks.

She does, her glance flitting up to his eyes before coming back down, not settling anywhere for too long.

“I know we’re still trying to work this,” he gestures between them, “out. But trust me there are no sides on this. Our friends want to see you. I want to see you. I wouldn’t have come to get you this evening if I thought it would be difficult, I promise.” He nudges her thigh lightly on the last words making her look at him.

She nods, “sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for.” He replies starting the truck up again and pulling out.

When they pull up at the farm, Clarke takes a deep breath before hopping out of the truck.

“Come on, you’ve faced down worse than this.” He teases, taking her wrist lightly.

Clarke doesn’t say anything, just trails behind him trying not to look at the house. The house that she hasn’t seen properly for years, a house that if she allowed it could probably consume her with memories.

“Look who I found.” Bellamy says pulling Clarke behind him as they come round the side of the house.

Clarke hears everyone exclaim, but has no time to do anything before Jasper is in front of her pulling her into a giant bear hug and talking a mile-a-minute about a new girl he has met. He pulls her over to everyone else and she has just enough time to glance back at Bellamy, who shoots her a tiny wink, before she gets surrounded in hugs and hellos by everyone else.

It’s a little while later and Clarke has said hello to everyone except Lincoln, who is on cooking duty, and Octavia who she hasn’t seen yet. She knows she’s probably overthinking it but she doesn’t want it to seem like she’s ignoring them so goes over to the back porch to talk to Lincoln.

“Got you on grill duty, huh?” She smiles as she walks up to him.

“As pretty much the only competent adult it tends to be the case.”

“I take offence at that,” Bellamy grumbles lightly coming out of the house carrying a plate of food and some beers.

“Sounds about right to me.” Octavia adds walking out behind him.

Clarke watches Octavia take the plate from Bellamy and put it next to Lincoln, kissing him lightly on the shoulder, before turning to look at Clarke with a small smile.

“Although, Clarke is a doctor so I’m guessing she’s good at adulting.”

“Don’t say adulting, O. It’s not a word.” Bellamy says.

Octavia rolls her eyes at him, “all I was saying is that Lincoln probably isn’t the only competent one here.”

“Uhh, when it comes to food he probably is.” Clarke smiles.

“You still can’t cook!” Octavia says incredulously, “But you’re old now.”

Clarke splutters out a laugh, “I can’t work out how offended I should be by that.”

Bellamy and Lincoln laugh too, as Octavia says:

“I just meant I thought you’d be able to cook by now. I get that you couldn’t then, but you’re an adult, what do you eat.”

“Take out mostly.” Clarke admits.

Both Lincoln and Bellamy groan.

“Do you know how many preservatives and unnecessary chemicals are in that stuff...” Lincoln starts.

“Ok, if I’m about to get lectured I need a drink.” Clarke smiles, reaching towards Bellamy and stealing his beer.

“You know there’s a whole fridge full inside,” he pretends to huff, “you don’t need to steal my beer.”

“But yours is much closer.” She grins.

She doesn’t tell him that standing at the bottom of the porch steps leaning on the railing is about as far as she thinks she can go. She doesn’t tell him that even seeing the corner of the porch swing that her dad helped put up is too much to deal with.

Instead she pushes that all down, takes a swig of beer and turns to Lincoln, “Ok, I’m ready. Tell me how bad the food I eat is and why my lack of being able to cook makes me bad at adulting.”

She grins at Octavia on the last word, who returns the grin before turning to her brother and poking her tongue out, “see Clarke said it too. Totally a word.”

“Not how that works O.” Bellamy replies, rolling his eyes.

Lincoln does lecture Clarke on her eating habits, telling her why she should at least be able to cook the basics, he even offers to teach her, which makes her smile. Bellamy wanders off to talk to the others at some point, so it’s just her, Lincoln and Octavia, but it’s nice. It feels like it’s getting easier.

Later on Clarke is sitting next to Raven on the wooden bench that is in the yard, a blanket draped over their knees, eating a bean burger that Lincoln claimed she had to try. Everyone is scattered around the backyard trying to fight off the chill that will eventually send them inside.

Clarke watches Jasper and Monty who are attempting to build a fire.

“How long has there been a fire pit here?” Clarke asks Raven.

“Couple of years I think. Wick helped build it.”

“Wick huh?” Clarke teases bumping Raven’s shoulder, as Raven rolls her eyes.

“I always think it will be nice having you home and then you always remind me what a brat you are.” Raven replies bumping her back.

“Hmm, says the friend who claimed she wasn’t getting involved and then tattled to Bellamy.”

“I’m not sorry for that. You’re here, hanging out, which is what I wanted.” Raven says loftily, before adding, “I missed you.”

“Yeah, yeah, I missed you too.” Clarke says teasingly, affecting a bored tone.

Actually she feels like it’s been no time at all since they saw each other, even though it was actually January.

“You know what’s weird. It feels like I see you all the time, but it’s been months.” Clarke says after a while of watching Monty and Jasper.

“I really think they should have supervision.” Clarke says as an aside, pointing to the two boys who now seem to be competing for how high they can pile the wood while dousing it in copious amounts of firelighter.

“Don’t worry, Miller and Bellamy are pretending to ignore them but are actually on high-alert just in case.” Raven says pointing to the side where, sure enough, Bellamy and Miller are talking easily to each other, but both with one eye on Jasper and Monty.

“And it’s not that weird.” Raven continues, picking up the thread of the previous conversation, “We speak all the time.”

“Yeah but we’ve always been in touch. It feels different.”

Raven turns to look at her quizzically.

“What?” Clarke asks.

“I can’t tell if you’re being intentionally dumb or if you really don’t know why it’s different” Raven says wryly.

“I genuinely don’t know what you’re talking about.” Clarke laughs.

“The reason it feels different?”

When Clarke doesn’t respond other than raise one brow Raven says:

“It’s because you’re not hiding this gigantic secret now, so you’re actually in touch with us normally.”

“All of us.” She adds as an afterthought.

“Oh. Yeah, that makes sense.” Clarke says.

“You seriously hadn’t worked out that was what was different?” Raven laughs.

“I hadn’t really thought about it until just now.”

“My Lord, Griffin. It terrifies me that you are an actual doctor.”

“For what it’s worth I’m good on medical stuff, just not my life stuff.” Clarke huffs as Raven laughs.

At that exact moment, they hear a whoosh and see flames shoot up as Jasper throws a match onto the wood and see Bellamy step forward to pull him back.

“See, told you they’re on it.” Raven smiles.

Eventually as the sun fades from the sky it gets too cold to sit outside, despite the alcohol and the fire, and because no one shows signs of wanting to go home they all agree to head inside.

Clarke is lingering outside, clearing up plates and bottles slowly, trying to work out a way to avoid going inside.

“Attempting to get hypothermia?” Miller asks.

He’s the only other one outside – he’d forgotten his jacket.

“No, just tidying up.”

“Oh is that what it’s called, I thought it was called avoidance.”

“Don’t know what you’re talking about.” Clarke says airily, but unconvincingly.

“It’s just a house Griffin.”

“Yeah, one I haven’t been inside for more than five years.”

He shrugs.

“That’s it? A shrug.” Clarke grumbles.

“What do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know. You brought it up.”

Miller goes over to where she’s leaning against the wooden table looking at the Blake house and sits next to her.

“You’ve done the hard part. You’re back. You told the truth, eventually.” He adds, slightly annoyed.

Because Miller will always be annoyed about how everything played out. Clarke hurt Bellamy and Monty, two of his favourite people, and it will take a while for him to move past that completely. She understands. If he’d been the one with the secret she’s not sure she’d have forgiven him.

“Everything else is just white noise.”

“Huh?”

“The distraction in the background. The way I see it, Blake wants you around, he wants to be in your life again and I reckon you want the same from him. So everything else can be dealt with.”

Clarke shrugs. She’s not sure what to do with that information, even if it’s true.

“Now who’s shrugging?” He laughs.

“Thanks Miller.”

“Like I said, it’s just a house Clarke, memories can only hurt you if you let them.”

The back door opens spilling light into the yard and Raven sticks her head out, shouting:

“Are you two coming in or what?”

“Yep. Coming now.” Clarke replies standing up and pulling Miller up behind her.

She squeezes his hand quickly, a gesture of thanks, before steeling herself and walking into the house.

Of course Miller was right – it is just a house. But he was also wrong, because the memories come up unbidden.

There’s the kitchen table where Clarke used to sit and do her homework with Bellamy trying to find moments when Aurora and Octavia weren’t around so they could make out. There’s the couch where she spent so many days and nights over the years.

There are also things she doesn’t recognise – an ugly armchair in the corner, the colour of the walls in the bathroom, pictures on the fridge.

Clarke sits at the edge of the couch, still awkward. She’s staring at the armchair, which looks so out of place in the room. It’s floral, faded, with bare bits on the arms and back.

“That is the ugliest effing chair I have ever seen.” She blurts out without thinking.

There’s a pause, and Clarke thinks she’s gone too far, that she’s overstepped on something she doesn’t know the history of.

But then Bellamy, who has just walked into the room with Miller both carrying a couple of beers says: “Thank you!”

And the tension dissipates.

“Blame Raven and Octavia.” He adds, coming around the side of the couch passing her a beer and shuffling her along with his leg so he can drop down in the corner of the couch next to her.

Miller sits down next to Monty on the other end of the couch, and just like that Clarke is trapped in next to Bellamy, hyper aware of the feel of his leg and arm next to hers. Of the heat of him every time he moves.

“Ok,” she says leaning forward, trying to move away from Bellamy slightly, “what’s the story of the ugliest chair in the world.”

The story, as explained, is that Octavia found the chair and wanted to keep it, Bellamy said no but Octavia convinced Raven to help her move it and then refused to let him throw it out.

“This was three years ago.” Jasper adds at the end.

“And everyone has been blatantly lying to me ever since, and pretending they love it.” Bellamy grumbles.

“Until you.” Bellamy says quietly, so only she can hear. His words low and so close to her despite the fact she’s leaning forward.

“Until me.” She whispers back.

They all keep talking and drinking, listening to music and playing video games, as the night carries on. Anytime she gets up to get a drink or talk to someone else she always finds her way back to Bellamy or, she thinks, he finds his way to her. Every time she moves he ends up sitting, or standing, next to her.

She tries to ignore it, push it away and just enjoy being with her friends but when she goes into the kitchen to get some water she sees Bellamy and Octavia having an obviously tense talk. They both stop when they notice her.

“Sorry, just wanted some water.”

Neither sibling says anything or makes any move to go anywhere. The three of them just stand in an awkward triangle. Clarke is about to excuse herself and walk back out when they hear Raven shout from the other room.

“Dammit! Bellamy it’s your turn.”

Octavia gives Bellamy a pointed look and Clarke moves slightly to the side as he slowly, and reluctantly, walks out of the kitchen, leaving Octavia and Clarke alone.

Clarke walks to get a glass but then stops in the middle of the room, suddenly unsure if the glasses are where the used to be.

Octavia reaches into the cupboard behind her, and passes Clarke a glass, “everything is still the same in here.”

Clarke reaches for the glass but Octavia doesn’t let go.

“What’s going on with you and my brother?”

“I don’t know.” She says honestly, looking Octavia in the eyes. Eyes that are so different to Bellamy’s, and yet, just as expressive and fierce when necessary.

“Funny, that’s what he said.”

Clarke should have guessed the tense conversation had something to do with her. She looks down at the glass in their hands, and then back up as Octavia releases it. Clarke moves to the sink.

“I guess because it’s true.”

“He’s following you around like a magnet.” Octavia says, her tone is not harsh but Clarke can hear the worry.

“You need to talk to him about that.” Clarke replies evenly, her back still to the younger Blake.

“I tried. He said it was none of my business.” Octavia huffs sheepishly.

Clarke laughs at that.

“I know it’s none of my business,” Octavia says quietly, once Clarke turns back around, “but I don’t want him to get hurt again.”

Clarke nods, but before she can say anything Octavia says quietly, “I don’t want you to get hurt again either.”

Clarke can feel the tears brimming in her eyes.

“Thank you. We’re not… it’s not…” Clarke tries, “Look I don’t know what is going on but I don’t want anyone to get hurt again either.”

Clarke doesn’t get chance to hear Octavia’s response because at that moment Lincoln walks in.

“I’ve been sent to check you’re not killing each other. Blood is a bitch to get out of hardwood flooring.” He says looking between the two women. 

“Jeez, so dramatic.” Octavia tells him, “We were just getting some water.”

Clarke holds up her water in confirmation.

“Right.” Lincoln replies drawing the word out. He doesn’t say anything else, just turns and walks back out.

Octavia follows him throwing Clarke a small smile as she leaves.

Clarke waits a beat, finishes her water, and goes back out to the others. Where, of course, the only spare seat is next to Bellamy.

She contemplates sitting on the arm of the chair next to Raven but thinks that would make it more obvious. Monty makes the decision for her.

“Clarke, thank god! Come here.” He says pushing Bellamy up into the corner of the couch and patting the space next to him.

“These two keep elbowing me and making me die,” he says nodding to the screen where he is currently playing against Raven in some kind of boxing game, “come and be a grown up.”

Clarke climbs past Bellamy’s legs, which he intentionally does not move, and sits in between Monty and Bellamy.

Bellamy waits until she’s settled and then reaches around the back of her to hit Monty on the head.

“Bellamy! Quit it!” Monty whines, “Clarke, do something.”

“Oh right, so you meant human shield, not grown up.” Clarke laughs. 

“I don’t care what you call it, just make him stop. If Raven wins this round I have to do her dishes for a month.”

“How will that even work, you don’t live together?” Clarke says curiously.

“That’s what you’re focusing on?” Miller laughs.

Clarke laughs, but then feels Bellamy move next to her, she turn and fixes him with a look.

“Bellamy Blake, if you even so much as think about distracting him again you will regret it.”

“Oh yeah?” he smirks.

“Yeah.”

“What are you going to do to stop me?” He drawls, his voice low.

Clarke knows this is dangerously close to flirting but, she tells herself, they’re in a room full of all of their friends it’s harmless.

There’s a blanket on the arm of couch next to Bellamy. Clarke leans over him slowly, trying to ignore the way his breath hitches just slightly as she brushes against him. She grabs the blanket and in a quick move drapes it over his head totally obscuring his view.

She holds onto his arms over the blanket so he can’t move.

The room around her erupts in laughter and she can feel Bellamy’s laughter too.

“Monty, you’d better win quick.” Clarke says, as Bellamy wriggles against her. 

He’s much stronger that her so she knows it won’t take him long if he actually decides to put any effort in.

He manages to get his head free, “low blow Griffin.”

She just smirks.

Next to her Monty is furiously punching buttons on the console and swearing. Raven is practically out of her seat but Clarke only has eyes for Bellamy.

Somehow he has managed to grab her hands and the blanket is twisted around them.

She sees his eyes flick to her mouth and she’s very aware of how entwined they are.

Before she can worry about it she hears Monty whoop next to her and his arms are around her pulling her in a hug toward him, away from Bellamy. It takes her by surprise and she falls entirely backwards over Monty, who just laughs, and into Miller.

“You are a fucking superstar Clarke!”

She laughs with him. Her hands are still entwined in the blanket that she pulled with her.

She looks up, “hi Miller.”

He is looking down at her, amused, “you’re all insane.”

“Uhh, do you think someone could help me sit back up?” She laughs helplessly.

“Don’t look at me.” Raven huffs, “you are dead to me now. You too Blake.”

“Hey! I tried!” Bellamy protests.

“What do you have to do?” Clarke asks Raven as Miller pushes her up by her shoulders.

“She has to do my coding for a week.” Monty says pushing Clarke up too.

“You can do that in your sleep.” Jasper says lazily from the other side of the room.

“Not the point.” She huffs.

Bellamy grabs Clarke’s hands to pull her all the way up as discussions of whose turn it is carry on around them.

“Thanks.” She smiles when she’s back up.

They drop hands awkward now the teasing pretence has gone.

“No worries.” He smiles back, “although technically you did sabotage me, which means Raven is pissed at me too.”

“I think you’ll live.” Clarke says lightly. 

“I’ll remind you of that when she refuses to look at my truck.” He laughs.

Clarke hadn’t realised she’d fallen asleep until she feels someone move next to her and stirs awake. She is curled into someone very warm with the blanket over her.

She opens her eyes to see Bellamy sheepishly tilt towards her, his left arm still around her as he uses his right to get his phone out of his pocket.

Clarke looks around the room, Jasper is asleep on a chair, Raven and Miller are playing Mario Kart, while Monty sleeps next to her. Octavia and Lincoln are nowhere to be seen.

“It’s your dad.” Bellamy says, voice low.

“Shit.” Clarke replies suddenly very awake.

“Hello?” She says taking the phone.

“Well that answers the question of where you are.” Jake says lightly.

“Sorry, I lost track of time.” She says getting her phone out - 12.27 - and seeing the missed calls from her parents.

“That’s alright darling, we just worried when the house was empty but the car was here. But we figured you were at the Blake’s.”

“Uhh, yeah,” she says awkwardly. “I got a lift over.”

“Do you need me to come and get you?” He asks.

Her eyes meet Bellamy’s and she knows he’s been listening. He shakes his head slightly.

She sees that she’s still basically curled into him. At that realisation she sits up away from him.

“I’m good. I’ll crash here or get a lift back from Miller or Raven.”

“Ok. Be careful darling. Love you.”

“Love you too Dad.” She hangs up and hands the phone back to Bellamy.

“I can’t believe my parents called to check up on me.” Clarke whines, putting her head in her hands.

“I can’t believe they called me. It’s like high school all over again.” Bellamy groans.

“They were definitely less chill with me being out this late in high school.” Clarke mumbles.

“It just means they care. It’s a good thing.” Raven says, her eyes not leaving the screen, “plus they probs called me first but my phone is dead.”

“Helpful.” Clarke snarks.

“There’s like a thousand chargers in this house, charge your phone Reyes.” Bellamy tells her, grumpily.

She waves him off.

Clarke glances at Monty next to her who has slept through the whole thing and Miller who is determinedly ignoring them.

“Sorry for falling asleep on you.” Clarke says quietly turning to Bellamy.

“I didn’t mind. You gave me an excuse for not having to play against Raven.” He tells her lightly, but doesn’t quite look at her.

“Yes but it also meant you had to stay up.” She says moving away slightly, still sitting next to him but less leaning on him.

“I really didn’t mind.” He says, “as long as you’re ok...”

She watches him rub the back of his neck with his free hand, a gesture she knows he does when he’s nervous.

“I’m ok,” she says, “When they finish I’ll get Raven to give me a lift home.”

He nods but doesn’t move away. Clarke doesn’t mean to fall asleep again, she tries to focus on the video game and Miller and Raven’s hushed trash talking. She tries to stay upright and closer to Monty instead of Bellamy. She knows they need to talk and not just fall back into old habits because it’s familiar.

Clarke knows all of this but Bellamy is warm and right there and when she shuffles sleepily for the second time trying to stay away from him he just huffs, lifts his arm, and pulls her into him.

“Come here.” He says low.

“I should go,” she mumbles as she leans into him.

“You don’t have to,” he replies quietly.

“We shouldn’t just... we should talk about this.” She says sleepily, even as she feels herself relent and curl into him.

“We will. But not at 1am.”

Clarke is drifting off, somewhere between sleep and awake with Bellamy’s warm arm anchoring her when she hears Miller.

“Be careful man.”

“I am. We’re just friends.”

“Sure.” She hears Raven say.

“Don’t start Reyes. I’m too tired.”

“I’m not starting, I just worry for both of you. You know we all want things to work out.”

Clarke tries to stay awake to hear Bellamy’s response but she can’t manage it.

  

_**April** _

“I need life advice.” Clarke sighs dramatically flinging herself onto Roan’s couch.

“And you came to me?” He asks, wry.

It’s a fair question, advice isn’t what Roan is known for, but Clarke is desperate. She doesn’t say that, of course. Instead she says:

“Yes. I need an objective opinion.”

He shrugs before pushing her legs off the couch and sitting down next to her.

“Well, you’re clearly desperate so shoot.”

Clarke scowls at him but it misses the mark, she is desperate.

“It’s about Bellamy.”

“It’s safe to say that I’d made that assumption.”

Clarke rolls her eyes but fills him in on everything, Roan to his credit, listens patiently. When Clarke is done he says:

“Just so I’m clear... you’ve been messaging, all friendly. Then you were back in your sad excuse for a town, spent time with him and your friends. Flirted and cuddled with Bellamy, but you haven’t seen him since you fell asleep on him and haven’t spoken to him other than in a group text.”

“Yeah.” She replies.

“Even by your standards that is pathetic.”

“Hey!” Clarke exclaims.

“Just talk to him.”

“And say what?”

“That you’re madly in love with him, always have been, and want to have his genetically blessed children.” Roan replies seriously.

Clarke frowns at him, “that’s not helpful.”

“I’m sorry.” He says, not sounds at all sorry, “I didn’t realise you came to me to be helpful. That’s not really my brand.”

She snorts a laugh but whines, “it’s not funny.”

“You’re the one laughing.”

“What do I do?” She whines.

“Talk to him.” Roan says slowly, as if talking to a child.

“And say what!”

“Seriously, we have just been over this.”

“I can’t just say I like him.”

“Why not?”

“There’s too much history, for one.”

Roan doesn’t say anything, just raises one judgemental eyebrow and waits for her to continue.

“We live in different places. We haven’t really spent any time together... he might not feel the same.”

“So that’s what this is about.” He says shrewdly.

“Yes, no. I don’t know. I mean it’s been two weeks since I saw him and nothing.”

“To be fair you haven’t contacted him either. He could be having a similar existential crisis with your hot friend. Maybe I should call her and find out.” He smirks.

“Funny.” She deadpans.

“Look, I don’t know the guy but if his behaviour last summer, and everything you’ve told me since is any indication, he has feelings for you.”

Clarke goes to speak but he holds up a hand.

“Granted, I don’t know what kind of feelings but neither do you. And the only way you’ll find out is by talking to him.”

Roan refuses to talk about it anymore unless Clarke actually takes his advice, so they order take out and watch the bachelorette.

The distraction works but by the time Clarke is back in her own flat, she’s stressing out again.

 **Clarke:** _So this message is probably like two weeks too late (or five years depending on your perspective) but I think we should probably talk_  

She sends the message and then panics, instantly sending another one.

 **Clarke:** _Of course if you don’t think we have anything to talk about then obviously ignore this_

It’s only 10.30pm, so Clarke thinks Bellamy will reply but it’s not until she’s obsessively checked her phone ten times in three minutes that she starts to think he might be sleeping.

She is just at the stage where she is contemplating hiding her phone under her pillow when it rings.

 **Bellamy**.

His name fills the screen - there is no image, she doesn’t remember the last time she took a picture of him - she stares at the phone for a split second before taking a deep breath and answering.

“Hello?”

“I can’t believe I’d forgotten you do that.” He laughs, sounding surprised.

“Do what?”

“Say hello likes it’s a question, even though you clearly know who is calling.”

“I don’t do that.” She huffs.

“You literally just did.” he laughs at her.

“Whatever,” she laughs. There’s a pause before she speaks again.

“I assume you’re calling about my messages and this isn’t just some weird coincidence.”

“Not a weird coincidence, no. I tried typing a response about five times and then figured this is probably a phone conversation.” Clarke’s stomach drops at that, she doesn’t think anything good tends to come of their in person conversations recently.

“Right.” She says cautiously.

“We’re apparently very good at avoiding talking about it in person.” He adds.

“It being?”

“Us.” He says cautiously, “at least I assumed that was what your messages were about.”

“Yeah, It was. I just wanted to check we were talking about the same thing.” She says quickly.

“So.”

“So.”

“Good talk.” He laughs.

The sounds of his laughter rumbling low down the phone puts her at ease.

“Oh yeah, we are nailing this talking thing. Way to go us.” She jokes.

“I, uh, had a really nice time when you were back last time.” He says almost shyly.

“Me too. I wanted to message you all weekend but I was full on with family and then by the time I got back to D.C, I chickened out.” She admits.

“I was worried I’d imagined things or over hyped them in my head.” She adds.

“I get that.” His says evenly, his voice giving nothing away.

Clarke wishes they were having this conversation in person, it would be much easier to get a read on what he was thinking if she could see him.

“Is it weird that this friends thing is both harder and easier than I was expecting.” He sighs.

“Not really. I mean we knew it would be strange and it’s only been a few months.” She says.

“That’s true.”

Clarke looks out of her window and takes a deep breath before speaking in a hurry, she knows she just has to speak regardless of the outcome.

“Look, I’m going to jump in with full honesty because I don’t know how else we move past this, whatever this is.”

“Ok” he says, slowly.

“I still love you. I think I will always love you. And when we’re together, like last month, or even New Years, it feels like it’s not old feelings, you know? That it could be something else, again. But then when I’m here and we’re not together I start to worry that I love you because I don’t know how not to. And that I’m projecting something where there is nothing.”

She hears him sigh.

“And I’m not telling you this because I want to make you feel like you have to feel the same or that you have to say anything. I’m telling you because I fucked up by not being honest and open years ago and I don’t want to do that now. Whatever happens.”

He is silent. He’s silent for so long that Clarke starts pacing back and forth in her bedroom.

“Bellamy? Are you still there?”

“Yeah, sorry.”

“Look, I meant what I said you don’t have to say anything back. I get if you’re still pissed at me for everything or you don’t have feelings for me. It’s ok.”

She means it too, even as she feels the tears pool in her eyes.

“Clarke it’s not that, it’s... fuck, I wish we were having this conversation in person. I hate not being able to see you.”

“I’m wearing sweatpants and an old Ark Vikings football hoodie, trust me you’re missing nothing.”

“That sounds pretty hot.” He chuckles.

“It’s really not.”

“Wait, is that my Vikings hoodie?”

“No comment.”

“I looked for that fucking thing for years. I figured I’d lost it.” he grumbles.

“Sorry about that.” She laughs, not sorry.

“Hmm”

Then after a weighted pause he speaks:

“In the interest of matching your honesty with some of my own. I’m not pissed at you. I thought I would be. I thought I’d want to go over it in every detail you know, but while I will never understand how you could think I could do that to you, I do know how messed up everything was back then. And I know you, or did, you’ll be punishing yourself more than anything I say ever could.” 

Clarke swipes at her tears.

“I thought you’d hate me.” She says quietly.

“I thought I would too. I kept waiting for it to come, but it never did.”

“It still might.”

“It won’t Clarke. I don’t hate you. I hate that we missed out on what might have been but hell, for all we know we’d have just broken up down the line anyway.”

“I guess. I am sorry though, for all of it. For not talking to you then. For shutting you out for so long. For how you found out. I’m sorry about you and Gina too. I liked her.”

“That’s not on you, and for what it’s worth I liked Gina too. She and I tried Clarke, you weren’t what ended us, not really.”

“Ok.”

“I mean it.”

She nods

“Clarke?”

“Oh, sorry I was nodding. You were right this definitely would have been easier in person.”

“Yeah tell me about it. I’m pretty sure Raven was moments away from forcing me on a plane to talk to you. She literally said, ‘how are you two more annoying now than you were then.”

“So supportive,” she laughs, “If it makes you feel better the advice I got was to just talk to you. Like I hadn’t already thought of that.”

“That sounds like Raven.”

“It was Roan actually.” She admits.

“Oh, right.”

“Is it strange that I always expect to hear ‘fucking Roan’ every time I say his name now.”

He laughs, “Yeah, that one really ran.”

They’re quiet for a beat or two. Clarke is aware that he hasn’t said anything about how he feels other that he’s not mad. But she doesn’t know how to bring it up. Scared of what he’ll say. Scared of how she’ll feel if he doesn’t still care about her.

“Can I take you on a date?”

“Huh?” Clarke actually splutters.

“Sorry, bit left field?”

“Just a bit.” She chuckles.

“I was just thinking that I know I love you, even when I hated you, I loved you. But like you said, is it habit? Do we feel like this because we used to or do we like the people we are getting to know now?”

“What do you think?”

“I think it’s the you now, but I’m not sure.”

“Hence the date.”

“Hence the date.” He confirms.

“You know I live here, right? And you live there.”

“Yes, I have a pretty good grasp of the fact you’re not nearby.” He says, sarcastically.

“Well that makes dating a bit tricky.”

“But you want to? Go on a date with me I mean.”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Good. The logistics we can figure out but we both want to see what this is...”

“Or could be.” She adds.

“Or could be. So we’re on the same page. Every thing else we can work out.”

“Ok. I’m back at the end of the month for Easter.” She says.

“We’ve waited five years, what’s a couple more weeks.”

“When you put it like that,” she laughs, “good talk.”

“Yeah, well done us.” He laughs with her.

After they says goodbye and hang up Clarke send a message to Raven.

 **Clarke:** _Bellamy and I are going on a date_  
_Also, Roan wants your number..._

Raven’s reply comes back instantly.

 **Raven:** _Fucking finally!!!!!!_  
_And no to Roan_  
_But you can give me his number ;)_

Clarke laughs and sends Roan’s number to Raven, with an eggplant emoji because she’s mature like that.

 **Clarke:** _I spoke to Bellamy._  
_Thanks for the pep talk... Raven now has your number_

 **Roan:** _I wasn’t nice to you so you could hook me up with your friend_

 **Clarke:** _You weren’t nice to me_

 **Roan:** _my advice worked though_

Clarke feels like she can actually see his smirk through her phone.

 **Clarke:** _first time for everything, don’t get cocky_

 

Clarke is getting into bed when her phone goes off again, she’s expecting it to be Roan or Raven so starts when she sees Bellamy’s name.

 **Bellamy:** _just wanted you to know, in case it wasn’t clear. I am not dating anyone else, it’s cool if you are but I’m not_

Clarke smiles to herself.

 **Clarke:** _Not dating anyone else either._  
_I have been pathetically smiley since we talked so not sure that would work for anyone else._

 **Bellamy:** _I hoped_  
_Especially when Raven sent me a crown emoji with about a thousand !!!_

Clarke snaps a silly picture of herself grinning and sends it to him, captioning it ‘proof’. She knows she looks stupid but she doesn’t care, she hasn’t felt this positive about anything in months.

His reply takes a while to come through and Clarke is curled up in bed, eyes fighting against sleep when it does

 **Bellamy:** _According to my sister who just walked in and saw me smiling at my phone I am the literal representation of the heart eyes emoji, which since I don’t use emojis I assume is a good thing._  
_You can keep the hoodie - it looks better on you anyway._

 **Clarke:** _possession is 9/10th of the law_

 **Bellamy:** _I am rolling my eyes_

 **Clarke:** _there’s an emoji for that..._

 **Bellamy:** _of course there is. Night Clarke._  
_Good talk x_

 **Clarke:** _the best._  
_Night x_

  

Clarke’s mom has thrown an Easter fundraiser for as long as Clarke can remember, it’s her annual thing. No one quite knows why Easter but Clarke suspects that it’s far enough away from Thanksgiving and Christmas that Abby can get the most out of donations. 

For the past few years Clarke has avoided it – or if she couldn’t she made sure the Blake’s weren’t on the guest list – but this year, they’re all going.

It will be the first time she’s seen Bellamy since she agreed to the date. They’ve spoken on the phone a few times, and text almost every day, so it’s not like she’s nervous exactly but it will be at a party, with their friends and she was kind of hoping for some one-on-one time first.

Clarke walks out of the terminal looking for Raven, who always refuses to park up. She can’t see her and is just about to call when she sees a very familiar mop of dark curls.

“You’re not Raven Reyes.” She smirks, going over to Bellamy.

“Guilty.”

“Don’t tell me her shitty car packed in, again?”

“Not this time. I uh, may, have asked her to let me pick you up.” Bellamy replies, ducking his head but she still sees the small blush working its way up his cheeks.

“Is that so?” Clarke smiles softly, “and here was me thinking I wouldn’t see you until the Children’s fundraiser.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t want the first time we see each other in a month to be in front of our well meaning, but incredibly nosy, friends.”

“Wise.” She smiles.

They stand awkwardly staring at each other for a moment, before Bellamy says:

“Should we hug? I feel like we should but now I’ve said that, it feels weird.”

Clarke can see he’s nervous, which makes her forget her own nervousness, so she goes over to him and wraps her arms around him.

“Feel weird?” she mumbles into his chest as his arms wrap around her.

“Nope.”

He pulls away first, but keeps a hand on the small of her back as he steers her towards the car, asking about her flight, chatting easily.

Clarke doesn’t pay much attention to the drive, too distracted by Bellamy, specifically him telling her about Murphy’s latest venture.

“He wants to make cheese?” Clarke repeats.

Bellamy looks over at her and grins, “yep.”

“If you’d said he wants to brew craft ales or become a cowboy, I might have found that easier to understand than cheese.”

“Apparently, he met a French girl Emori, who he really likes, but she was complaining that she couldn’t possibly live in America because our cheese is terrible.”

“So his solution was to make his own? Not like, import some good shit or move to Europe?”

Bellamy just chuckles.

“He must really like this girl.” Clarke muses.

“I haven’t met her, O has and says she’s terrifying.”

“No offence, but if your sister thinks she’s terrifying and Murphy is into her I’m not sure I want to meet this Emori chick.”

“See, all those things make me want to meet her even more.”

Clarke is still marvelling at Murphy and the cheese girl when she realises they’ve pulled off the freeway.

“Uh, this is not the way home.”

“Nope.” Bellamy smirks.

“If you’re taking me somewhere to murder me, I can’t even be mad,” She laughs, “you’ve played a long game and I admire the dedication.”

“Oh no, you’ve seen through my lengthy plan.” Bellamy says wryly as she laughs.

“I’m not going to murder you.” He says.

“Oh good, I was worried.” Clarke says dry, rolling her eyes.

“I am actually taking you for lunch.”

“Like a date?” she says turning to look at him.

“Like a date.” He confirms.

“Oh.”

At her tone he glances over frowning, “But, if you’ve, uhhh, changed your mind, that’s cool.”

“No, no. Not changed my mind, at all.” Clarke reassures quickly, patting his shoulder.

“Then what? Not hungry? Preferred the murder plan.” He says, his face relaxing slightly, his tone teasing and light again.

She laughs, “No, it’s just I look all…” she trails off gesturing down.

“That really cleared things up, thanks.” He deadpans.

“I look all plane-y.” She huffs, before adding “And I wanted to look nice for our first date considering its been, like, a million years.”

“Clarke, you look gorgeous because you look like you.” He says softly, blushing slightly.

She knows the colour on her face matches his.

“Besides, I’m not taking you anywhere fancy.” He says, nodding ahead to the building that has appeared in the distance.

“Oh my god. Is that Nyko’s?” Clarke practically squeals.

“Yep.” Bellamy replies, smug.

Although it’s only 30 minutes outside of Arcadia they hadn’t discovered Nyko’s until Bellamy’s senior year, and even then it was by accident. Wells was dating Luna who is Nyko’s niece.

“I’d forgotten this place even existed.” Clarke sighs, as they pull into the parking lot, “It still looks the same!”

Clarke grins over at Bellamy as he stops the car.

“Well come on,” he says, “the ‘best ribs in Texas’ won’t eat themselves.”

Clarke laugh at the old joke. Everywhere in Texas thinks they have the best ribs/brisket/bbq and it was a standing joke when they were in high school.

“Imagine if I’d gone vegan since you last saw me,” Clarke teases as they wait in line for their food.

“You forget, I live with Lincoln, I could’ve done an eleventh hour swerve.” He smiles.

“How is that?”

At his questioning frown she clarifies:

“Living with your sister and her boyfriend.”

“I’m used to it now, you know. I like Lincoln, he’s good for O.”

“He seems nice. Well, I’ve only met him twice but with, uh, everything, he was always pretty chilled.”

“He is the definition of chilled, which makes sense considering he dates my sister.”

They get their food and go and sit on one of the benches outside. It’s part of what makes Nyko’s such an institution, there’s no fancy service – you order, get your food, and eat wherever there’s space.

“I’d die for her but I know Octavia is not always easy to be around.”

“She’s passionate, she just needs a way to channel it.” Clarke says, before taking a bite of her ribs.

“Oh my god, I forgot how fucking amazing these were. Seriously I can’t believe Luna was a vegetarian. If someone in my family cooked like that I’d marry them.”

“You’re thinking of Alabama, we don’t marry people who are already family in Texas.” Bellamy teases.

“Ha, ha. You know what I mean.” She replies rolling her eyes.

“No good BBQ in the heart of our nation?”

“There probably is, I just haven’t had time to find it. You know? It was school, then my residency and now work. I don’t exactly get out much.” She shrugs.

Bellamy is looking at her like he wants to ask more about her life and Clarke thinks she knows what it is, but doesn’t know how to broach the subject. But, subtly isn’t exactly what she’s known for so she just goes for it.

“So if this was an actual date–”

“Hey, I paid. This is an official date.” He interrupts, sounding affronted.

“Calm down. I was going to say if this was an actual date between two people who don’t know each other…” she smiles, kicking his leg under the table.

“Oh.” He smiles sheepishly, “carry on.”

She rolls her eyes fondly, “As I was saying… this would be the part where we talk about family but we already know all that. And past relationships but, well, I know your ex-fiancée.”

“I don’t know about your five years though.” Bellamy says cautiously.

“What do you want to know?”

He pauses, taking a sip of his soda and avoiding her gaze. “Nothing. Everything.”

Clarke wipes her hand on her napkin and reaches over taking his hand.

“Hey – if we’re working out if we like each other now, then we need to know each other now. You can ask me anything, Bell, and I’ll tell you. I’m in this too.”

He squeezes her hand.

“You and Roan?”

“No, never. It’s not even a thing. He’s a friend. For a long time he was hardly even that.”

Bellamy nods.

“He did introduce me to my ex though. Lexa. We dated for almost 9 months. I loved her, she loved me too in her own way but it didn’t work. There was no one else of significance." 

“I didn’t know you were into women.”

“Is that a problem?” Clarke replies archly.

“No, of course not. It’s just something I didn’t know. It’s strange, you know, I think I know you but then I discover things I had no idea about.”

“I get that. And to be honest, if we’d never have broken up I’m not sure I’d have known I was bi. I mean, I knew I found women attractive but thought it was in a merely observational way.”

Clarke draws patterns on her soda can with her free hand, the other one is still linked with Bellamy.

“We were so young when we were together, there’s so much I didn’t have figured out.”

“We thought we knew everything. We were going to rule the world.” He smiles sadly.

She laughs, “I’m glad we didn’t. Ruling the world looks hard.”

They finish their food, getting sticky and messy, talking and laughing over each other.

Clarke finds out that Bellamy kissed Miller once when they were both drunk but decided as much as he loves his friends, he isn’t into guys generally. He finds out that she has a little Etsy store where she hand paints pottery, but it’s on hiatus because she doesn’t have the time. They both realise that their friends have been secretly acting as go-betweens for years, running interference whenever they were worried.

It’s easy, Clarke thinks, to talk to Bellamy. In a lot of ways he’s still the boy she knew but the easy confidence has gone, replaced by a more questioning, more guarded, man.

“Do you know what’s weird,” he asks. They’re sitting on the same side of the table now, backs to the rest of the parking lot, looking out at the flat fields and asphalt highways that criss-cross around them.

“After we broke up, but before my mom died, I would dream about getting out of Texas. The where was never important, I just wanted to be gone. Then mom died, and there was Octavia,” he shrugs, “and now I can’t think where else I’d be.”

Clarke is silent. She can’t tell if he was just making conversation or if that was Bellamy’s way of telling her that he’ll never leave so if she doesn’t return there’s no future.

“Do you think that’s lame?” he asks, shifting slightly to look at her.

“No, not at all. I was just… it’s nothing.”

“Clarke?” he frowns, “I thought we were being honest.”

“If you’re never going to leave Texas, what does that mean for us.” She says quietly.

“Hey,” he says turning and taking her hands, “that’s not what I meant. If you think there is an us, if you want there to be an us, then we’ll make it work.”

“What do you want?”

“I asked first.” He smirks, still holding her hands.

“Technically you weren’t asking a question,” she replies, matching his smirk with one of her own.

“So fucking stubborn.” He mumbles, smiling. “I want to try. I don’t know what will happen in the future, but I still care about you and I want to see where that goes.”

“I’m in if you are.” He adds shyly.

“I’m all in.” she grins.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Clarke leans forward, she feels like she needs to be the one to make the first move, she’s the one that left after all.

“Can I… is this ok?” she whispers coming closer to him.

Bellamy doesn’t answer, instead he meets her half way, his lips coming to rest on hers. It’s soft, chaste and she leans in more, wanting more. Bellamy was always good at reading her, so she’s not surprised when he meets her firmly, his hand reaching up into her hair as he pulls her towards him, her mouth opening to his with a small sigh.

They break apart, slightly breathlessly, still clinging to each other.

“Fuck, I missed you.” Bellamy sighs, his eyes closed and forehead against hers.

“Me too. I’m so sorry for everything Bell,” she murmurs.

“Hey,” he says pulling back and taking her face in his hands, “if we’re doing this, then no more sorrys, there’s nothing to forgive. We can’t erase what happened, but Clarke, I want to move forward, start again, with you.”

“Ok, sorr-” they both laugh softly,

“I want that too, with you.” She says.

They kiss again, slower this time, taking their time with one another again. When they break apart Clarke lifts Bellamy’s arm and curls under it as he wraps it around her.

“What now?” she asks.

“Now, I should probably take you home so Sheriff G doesn’t kill me.”

“Funny,” she says, rolling her eyes, “I meant in the bigger scale of things. Now we’re doing this, for real.”

“I uhh, need to tell Gina before we go public with it.” He says awkwardly, “She kind of made me promise not to let her be surprised by it.”

“I get that.” Clarke says, and she does. There’s no point in hiding from Gina and she would want the same in Gina’s position.

“But after that, you’re here, I’m there…” Clarke trails off.

“What are you worried about, really?” Bellamy asks, because he knows her, still after all this time, she thinks, he knows what she isn’t really saying.

“Last time we did the long distance thing it didn’t go so well.” She admits.

Clarke wants this with Bellamy, she was telling the truth when she told him she was all in, but last time they tried Texas/D.C long distance hearts got broken.

“We’re not teenagers anymore. We’ll make it work.” He says, so sure. “And maybe we put a limit on the distance?”

“How do you mean?” She turns to look up at him. 

“Well, if we’re still together by Christmas then, in the New Year, one of us moves. Or both of us move just so long as we’re in the same place.”

“That’s sensible.” She tells him, ignoring the warmth that’s risen in her chest that he’s thinking long term, past the next six months.

She knows she was, and he had said it, but it’s nice to get the confirmation again.

“So you mean I move home to Texas,” she says, grinning at him to let him know she’s teasing.

“I could be East Coast people.” Bellamy huffs.

She laughs, “oh you really couldn’t.”

“For you, I’d go anywhere.” He sighs seriously.

Clarke doesn’t have a response to that, too overwhelmed by the truth behind is words. So she does the only thing she can think of that will let him know she feels the same, she leans up and kisses him. Trying to make him understand.

If they way he kisses her back is any indication, she thinks he does.

“Come on,” he sighs, “I really should get you back. Your dad does have an impressive array of guns.”

Clarke laughs, but stands with him, clinging to him like a lifeline. Now she has him back she doesn’t ever want to let go. 

Just before they get to his truck, she stops him in a hug. She can feel the flannel of his shirt against her cheek, the warmth of his arms around her and for the first time in years she feels safe and whole.

“I love you.” She says, pulling back to look at him, his dark curls falling over his face, and they way his eyes search hers. “I loved you then, and I love you now. I just wanted you to know.”

He ducks his head the way he does when he’s shy, and Clarke can’t help but smile, that she knows he does that, that she gets to see it again.

“I love you too.” He kisses her. “But we really have to go.”

Clarke slides over to him in the truck, getting as close as she can without getting in his way. Dusk is starting to fall over the town and the sky is changing colour around them. Clarke knows they’ll still have obstacles to face, she knows that they’ll still have to learn each other, but it feels like beginning again in the middle. Sitting in Bellamy’s truck, with his hand on her leg as he taps out the beat of the song on the radio, it feels like coming home.

 

_**FIN.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... thoughts? 
> 
> I loved this world and have really enjoyed writing it. All of your comments and feedback, even when you hated me, have meant a lot.

**Author's Note:**

> Slammin' Sammy belongs to Friday Night Lights but I couldn't think of any other names once that was stuck in my head, so lets just pretend he has a big radio reach.


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